The Grandparent Thread

I buy toys and books to keep at our house, since GD comes over at least once a week. I babysit at their house most days, so I like having special stuff for her at Grandma’s house. Her other grandma buys clothes for her, so she has plenty to wear! I did buy clothes to keep here for her when she used to need several changes of clothes a day, but she’s past that stage now.

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We do this also. D regularly reminds everyone about no big toys, since space is tight due to all of the parents’ stuff, which her MiL ignores. We stick to one small toy and a couple of books for birthday and Christmas gifts to send to their house. At our home we buy whatever we think GD will enjoy since we babysit at least two days a week for 6 - 8 hours. Duplo, Little Tikes and Step2 have taken over here, and the nursery closet is pretty full. GD is changed into pajamas for nap time, partly because it gives Grandpa an excuse to put a new outfit on her afterwards.

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Already have holiday dresses for them and their 18 month old girl cousin AND a complimenting outfit for grandson who is 5. I was amazed to find a dress from newborn and up.

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I have a shopping problem—I just keep buying cute clothes for my 10-month old GD. My son-in-law thinks I’m nuts—he thinks onesies are all she needs. Just bought a great hand-knit
sweater from a local shop (it’s got a cute hood with bunny ears)!!

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I posted on the Say it here thread, but I am still angry. My 27 month old GD attends daycare/preschool at a synagogue. She has been there since August 2020, and my daughter has been very happy there; previous to the pandemic, she was at a chain daycare that was just ok. GD has food allergies, currently to only eggs and milk, but they are severe. In her young life, she has been in the ER maybe 7 times; a couple were before her allergies were confirmed.

The entire staff at the school has been trained on her allergies, what to look for and what to do in the event of a reaction. GD sat at her own table last year for snack and lunch as they didn’t want her to grab another child’s milk or food. It is hard to watch a room full of toddlers, so GD did find a piece of cheese on the table last year and ate it; my daughter did not feel the teachers were at fault there. Yesterday one of her teachers and an aide fed GD a piece of challah (egg bread) not once, but twice! Staff knows GD can not have the challah, something that is served ever Friday; the school has a replacement snack for GD. This teacher has been with GD for 2 months, so knows better; she said it slipped her mind.

So when school called my daughter, that just stated she had thrown up, and maybe she picked up a crumb from the table. When D arrived, GD lips were white, and she was having trouble breathing. D gave her Epi immediately and took her to the hospital where they stayed for 5 hours. Once home for a few hours, they returned as GD had new hives and was congested sounding. Luckily she was cleared to leave in under 2 hours.

Once my daughter has had some sleep, she has to think about how she wants to handle this with school. The director was texting with her while at the hospital; I am guessing she realizes this was a huge screw up! She said the teachers would be reprimanded, whatever that means, and there would be new training for the staff. I suggested my D provide the trainer; not just some online video. I do not know if there are other children with food allergies, but training would be good for all.

My daughter has food allergies, so this is not new to me, or my daughter. It is hard with a toddler that doesn’t know to ask before eating something, or is still at the age where they pick things up and put it in their mouth. Birthday parties and snack time is hard, as my D has to provide GD’s food. The teacher’s last year had no problems, and were great with notifying daughter at the first sign of a hive; sometimes those appear because she touch something that might have had an allergen on it, and then touched her face. If we kiss her face while drinking coffee with milk in it, she will get hives, so she is sensitive, but that would not cause an anaphylactic reaction. How this teacher served a food that is a known not to give GD is beyond me. she lied at first stating she must have eaten a crumb, then during the day it comes out that she was given the bread, not once, but twice. Oh, and she seemed lethargic on the playground now that she thinks about it. It wasn’t until she threw up that my daughter was called, and even then, her anaphylactic action plan was not followed. Had daughter not been close, I do not know when, or if, they would have administrated her Epi and called 911.

Thank you for letting me vent. Being a flight away is hard as I so want to help them out. Daughter and SIL are worn out, and were afraid to let GD sleep alone in the event she had trouble breathing during the night. Of course, GD is fine this morning, but D and SIL are walking zombies! Oh, and D had a friend visiting this weekend due to a cancelled girls trip; friend spent the day and evening alone of daughter’s house, and is now looking at 2 tired parents.

Oh, @snowball, that is really awful! I am so sorry for your GD, D, and SIL. It is so hard. I am sending good thoughts your way.

It would be very difficult for me to trust the teacher ever again. The mistake is really terrible, but the lie is a big red flag.

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@snowball - wow that is so awful. I agree to be very active with the training and ask the director how this situation would be addressed differently - first on how to avoid, and second on being more sensitive to this allergic child’s health and wellness during the time at daycare. The reprimand – if this teacher/aid has been with your GD so much, that is a clear inattentive thing. They need to look at systematic. Replacement snack is given regularly. IDK if at drop off one has to say something every day and check that the ‘regular’ teacher/aid is in that room. Also the procedure should be in place that anything that looks out of place for this highly allergic child - the director needs to be called in by the teacher/aid to come and assess and also call the parent.

Once the child is older, there is less worry as the child will learn how to monitor her situation.

Deep breaths! So unsettling.

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Yes, once GD is older, this will be easier to manage. My daughter was only allergic to peanuts at that age, so a bit easier to manage; of course there was always to chance of a cross contamination. My daughter, when given food, would pipe up and announce she was allergic to peanuts. My friends and family all knew of her allergy, and how to administer her Epi. Even when she went away to camp and college, everyone knew what to do. My friends would laugh when serving pizza or a snack of cheese, only to have this 3 year old tell then she was allergic to peanuts. Friends would explain to D that they knew, and there were no peanuts in the food. D usually would still tell them that she wasn’t allowed to eat peanuts!

My daughter has in the past felt comfortable with school; this has blown her trust. I also think the director is worried, as she was in contact with my daughter all day yesterday. Good, maybe she will reevaluate how school handles allergies going forward. GD action plan is posted in the room, and everyone knows where her medication is kept. I just am having trouble how this happened yesterday; not that GD had a reaction, but that she was fed a known food, not just one where the allergen wasn’t listed. Again, the challah is served every Friday, and in GD’s 14 months at this school, she has never been allowed to have the challah; why her teacher decided this week to give it to her just boggles my mind.

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My kids were in a preschool with a child with peanut allergies. No peanuts allowed in the classroom. One time they served granola bars and 1/3 of the wrapped bars had peanuts in them, and at first they were just going to take the 1/3 with peanuts in them out of the classroom but decided not to chance it and gathered them all and threw them away. No peanuts at all allowed in the class. Also no latex at all (balloons, gloves) because of allergies, no candles because some kids had oxygen. We all adjusted.

When they were older they had kids with severe allergies or celiacs in the classrooms, and the kids do learn to protect themselves, but as toddlers they just can’t.

I really think that unless the school can agree to not have the foods in the room, the child can’t be there. Eat in a different room, eat outside, everyone has to wash hands and faces after any eating and before touching toys.

Two year olds don’t need Challah every Friday. They don’t need peanut butter. Can your daughter work with them on what is acceptable to have in the room, like cheese or fruit? I bet the other parents would agree to not have banned foods in the room or any food at all.

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Perhaps the school could provide a bright colored wristband to the children that have allergies. Still, no excuse for their negligence with your GD.

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It occurs to me that this new teacher didn’t believe the severity of the allergy and thought it was a bunch of nonsense.

Obviously I don’t know for sure, but that’s what it feels like.

Which is better – negligent or willful??

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I have known people who think food allergies are b.s., and parents are being way too careful. Maybe this staff member is one of those, which would also explain why she didn’t connect the lethargy with the food. Either this scares some sense into her, or she is not fit to be in charge of little children.

My former coworker has a D with a severe peanut allergy. Parents just didn’t get the problem with sending in food with peanuts. The coworker had to go into the classroom for every birthday & holiday celebration, after an incident with a birthday treat. Her district set up a peanut free elementary school, and she gladly sent her D, which involved getting her there & back daily, as it wasn’t her “home” school. They did away with the program before her D was out of elementary, but by then her D was able to handle the situation herself. It really opened my eyes to how hard it is for parents whose kids have food allergies.

Good luck to your D as she works through this situation.

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@twoinanddone Challah is part of the Shabbat service; my daughter would not want to deprive the others of something that is a part of the program. While we haven’t discussed it, I never wanted to make demands of my daughter’s class back when she was young; her teachers were very understanding about her allergy, and we never had a problem. One year the activity was to make a bird feeder bell with peanut butter covered in seeds; her class did something different. In elementary school, there was a distance field trip where bagged lunches were to be eaten on the bus, or maybe they stopped, I don’t remember. School usually provided peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but changed for my daughter. Not once did I have an issue with any of her school, and this was prior to peanut, or nut free table and/or schools.

GD school is nut free, which my daughter understands, but hates as nutbutter is a good protein for GD; without daily or eggs, sometimes she would love to send nutbutter to school! D gets a schedule of school provided snacks and lunch, which rotates every few weeks. She then informs school which snacks she is allowed to have, and they have replacements for GD, or D will send something in. School does have hot lunches, but GD does not get those; I believe there is one meal my D allows them to serve, but otherwise she packs a lunch everyday.

I am sure I will have more information next week, which I will share here. GD is fine, so that is the main thing. My D texted and apologized for not checking in, but said she is a bit out of it. I am sure their emotions are all over the board; from anger, relief, worried, tried, etc… If I lived in the same city, I might have stormed the directors office myself; it would not have been pretty!

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Please, please, please encourage your pregnant Ds and DILs to get vaccinated for Covid. D2 is an Ob/Gyn. We were texting earlier this afternoon. She has 2 pregnant patients right now in the ICU with severe Covid pneumonia . Both young (in their 20s), both otherwise healthy, both are unvaccinated. She was about to take one into surgery for an emergency C-section because her oxygen-levels are crashing and she needs to be intubated stat. The baby will be a premie, but they can’t wait any longer to deliver.

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Whew!

All done. House has been sold.(4 days, multiple offers and minor bidding war) Excess “stuff” has been shed and cabinets/closets/garage cleaned out. Everything is packed (except for my suitcases for the car and the cat). All institutions have been updated with new address. Post office has been notified. Utilities have been transferred or canceled. Movers come tomorrow.

I leave Wednesday morning to make the 12 hour drive (ugh!) to the new locale. I’ll be there in plenty of time for the twins’ first Halloween and their first birthday.

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Safe travels and enjoy being a grandparent ‘close in’. Exciting times!

Congratulations, @WayOutWestMom! Safe travel. Enjoy every minute with your beautiful babies!

Wow! Talk about ripping off the BandAid! This is a big deal. Best of luck!!

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I sure hope you have plans to spend an overnight along the way,

Especially if u r the one making sure the current place is inspector clean

I’ve hired a cleaning service to come in and do a “move out” clean of the house later this week once the house is empty. Pricey but worth it.

I’ve made the trip in one day twice in the past year. (The first time it took 15 hours because a bad semi accident closed down I-40 for 3+ hours and there wasn’t any alternate route available because the accident happened in the middle of nowhere.)
I’m going to try to do it one day again, but it depends on what time I get going. The issue is the geography is against me. Lots of wide opens spaces and few towns. There is no way to break the trip in half. The only towns close to halfway are either a 5 hour drive or a 7 hour drive. (And the town that’s a 7 hours drive is an armpit of a town. I’d rather not stay there unless I absolutely have to. And past that the next decent sized town is 3 hours away.) But I do have mental list of bail out places where I can find a motel and maybe a restaurant that isn’t fast food.

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