Thanks for sharing your family’s story. Glad to see that the final outcome was good!
Wonderful update! Thank you so much for posting it.
I was not reading here when you first posted the story, so read through the whole thing now and have to say I am very glad it all worked out for your daughter, and really appreciate your time in posting the story as well as the update. It certainly gave me a lot to think about and discuss with the our child before the fall. I had probably foolishly assumed expulsion is quite rare as that’s what the schools said, but we have since learned of several kids asked to leave their BS just this year, so clearly the ‘voluntary withdrawal’ is a preferred way to address these issues nowadays.
More on the Lessons Learned. Some reiterated.
- DO NOT do what I did and allow your child to apply solely to your Alma Mater. The school continues changing, not always for the better. Other schools may have more to offer your child. I have my own ego to blame.
- Gain a clear understanding of how the school’s advisory program works. The “Team Approach” resulted in a complete lack of accountability. We only found out about challenges she was facing as the result of disciplinary action.
- Dorm parents have teaching, coaching, their own families, AND the students to worry about. It’s a lot of responsibility and can be overwhelming. Make sure you are comfortable with the level of supervision and guidance. Big difference between three dorm parents for 38 girls and seven dorm parents for 28 girls.
- She still learned a lot!
@W417WHB, I hope you are never in this situation. If we’d known of her struggles in the Fall, we would have arranged a transfer in orderly fashion: two of her friends (also girls) did so.
If the Cluster Dean had been honest about the fact that Parietal violations ALWAYS resulted in Probation, we would have withdrawn her then: we’d started to learn more about the dorm environment and other stress factors on campus. Other schools only have one Disciplinary Committee so we wouldn’t have been dealing with a new Dean and his own issues.
My personal feeling is that voluntary withdrawals are offered (with a 12 hour window) to decrease the potential for lawsuits, not for any concern about your child’s future. Caveat.
In the end, it became simply another learning experience. She was accepted to her first choice college. She learned to have a healthy distrust of Institutions. She learned what “CYA” is. She has a much clearer vision of what she wants from her education. It just could have been a little less dramatic!
I hope this thread helps other parents and other kids. We really didn’t know which way to turn and the advice we got here was essential to the positive outcome, so we remain grateful to the community.
I stumbled on this thread because my child is trying to choose between 2 BS, one being Tabor. But what really piqued my interest was my older child was asked to leave voluntarily at the end of the year and we get all of our money back or go through disciplinary action and either have a suspension on their HS record or get expelled and still be on the hook for $50k tuition bill. It happened at the end of my child’s sophomore year. So many of the comments, suggestions, issues, I have lived through. Some times I wonder the impact it will have on my DC in the future. Thank you for sharing your story. @Garandman