I agree with thumper. All the weddings we’ve been to lately have been “destination” weddings for us, even if not for a smll number of the guests. S1’s wedding this summer is in upstate NY, and only some of the bride’s family live there. The bride and groom are traveling further than anyone to get there. I can’t believe how much some guests will pay for transportation and hotels to attend. Will that affect the gifts they receive? I’d assume so.
We usually give around $150 for a wedding for not-so-close friends and acquaintances; $350-400 for kids of close friends and relatives. S1 is the first of the nieces and nephews to get married, so I have no idea what they’ll get from aunts/uncles, but I’d give nieces and nephews more than I give other relatives.
“I know,that if our kids got married where we live, the only ones who,wouldn’t be traveling would be a handful of our friends. For everyone else, it would be a destination…and they would need to travel.”
Right - I get it - but I don’t think of that as a destination wedding if it’s just the bride’s or groom’s hometown. Do others?
I was married in St Louis, where my parents lived. My sister was married in Chicago where she/groom lived (and where groom was from). In either case, lots of people were from out-of-town – our side’s friends/ relatives who were mostly East Coast based - and in my case, my h’s friends/ relatives who were Chicago based. I don’t think of those as destination weddings - just out-of-town ones. I personally think of destination weddings as a vacation spot that neither side has a connection to. But maybe I’m wrong!
“On the invitation, right under the wedding site and time, in the same size type, is a list of all the places the couple is registered. Bed Bath and Beyond, Kohls, Target, and would appreciate gift certificates to Lowe’s.”
I can’t articulate why but I think it’s tacky to actually list the registry sites. It seems like info that you pass on in person. (Or frankly you spend 10 minutes figuring out online,)
I’ve always received wedding invitations that have a separate insert card that lists the registry places - not right on the invitation. But always included in the invitation envelope. How could you pass those places on in person???
Listing the registries on the invitation?Tacky. IMO even a separate insert is tacky. Most seem to put up a website with these listed, or a simple google search can find such registries. But including it in the invitation. No.
Technically you’re not supposed to say anything about gifts on an invitation, since it implies that you are expecting something.
Including the registry information doesn’t help people in figuring out what to spend. A registry could include a $5 whisk or a $1000 set of fancy cookware.
I have received a separate sheet listing the places the couple are registered, but with a bridal shower invitation. When my niece was married, I forgot if or where she was registered. I contacted my sister in law, but would have been okay with an insert in the wedding invitation.
At a neighbor’s wedding, we purchased something from the registry, but almost everyone else just placed a card, presumably with a check inside, on the gift table. From this point forward we will just give money. It’s easier, and I think much more appreciated.
However, we do not approach the gifting level that most of you have. I think it might be a geographical thing. I hope.
To me, a destination wedding is a vacation kind of place where everybody in the wedding party and most guests have to fly to. Not just a place where some people have to travel too just because they live far away.
Both my kids got married locally. For the first couple, it was within driving distance with no hotel stay for almost anybody except those who did not want to drive home after reception. There were, of course, some out of town guests like family on the other coast. They either stayed with family or in a hotel.
For the second couple it was still local but just a little further from our hometown so most people stayed in a hotel except those who did not mind driving an hour home after a wedding. There were many people who came from far away, including the parents of the bride. Also many from out of the country since they had relatives living overseas. But it was local for the couple.
I don’t consider either of those a destination wedding.
"a neighbor’s wedding, we purchased something from the registry, but almost everyone else just placed a card, presumably with a check inside, on the gift table. "
Like consolation describes upthread, we weren’t raised to have gift tables. People sent their gifts ahead of time because it would be considered inconsiderate to schlep your wrapped toaster to the wedding venue because then you’re just giving the happy couple something else to have to schlep back home when they have enough to deal with that day.
The security of a bunch of check-containing cards on a table would be a concern, too.
When my sister got married, they saved up for a big trip to Europe (BIL was an art student and had never been, so this was a huge dream of his to see many of the great works he had studied ). Anyway we decided to surprise them by calling the hotels where they were booked and prepaying, so when they went to check out there was no bill. My husband is a “surpriser” by nature and that was his idea. It was a fun gift to give since we knew they were very pleasantly surprised!
"My niece got married. We gave $200.
Then my daughter got married. My niece’s father gave my daughter $1,000.
I had no idea people gave that kind of money.
I had no idea how much the cost per plate was ar my niece’s wedding until my niece’s father told me"
A) It’s not a competition. They wanted to give your D $1,000 so he did. Simple as that.
B) why was your BIL even telling you the cost per plate? I think the only people who need concern themselves with the cost per plate are the people who are paying that cost. Everyone else - it’s kind of ungracious to try to piece it together.
If I’m enjoying someone’s hospitality I’m enjoying their hospitality. Not calculating the cost of the dinner plus the music plus the cake plus the venue and blah blah.
Yes, we would have had to schlep gifts home across the country. Instead, my grandmother and mother brought them back when they flew. Imagine a lamp, fragile China, and some valuable pieces. One old family friend said he didn’t want to risk the store wrapping and mailing.
This wasn’t a destination wedding, per se. It was returning to where my grandparents had lived, for decades, which was near where DH had grown up. Most family and long time friends were within reach of the wedding town We and my mom, gm, and bro were the ones who flew in. (We met on the other coast and were living there.)
I put destination in quotes, because technically it’s not a destination wedding. It was to indicate that for the majority of guests it still involved transportation (including air) and hotel, just like a destination wedding.
I’ve never received registry info with the invitation. I’ve either gotten it from their wedding website, the link included in the save-the-date, or in an email from the parent of the bride/groom. I think including the registry in the invitation is tacky.
D’s wedding was in a “vacation spot” but I didn’t think of it as a “destination wedding” because we have a house there, some of H’s family live nearby or have second homes there,and it’s in the same small state that both families and the couple still mostly live in. So though people took rooms for a night or two, most came from within a three hour radius and drove. The only ones who flew were a few members of the groom’s family who had moved out of the area, or college friends from other states.