DS said one of his class’s planned reunions will be an expensive cruise trip. He said he just could not afford it (both time and money) in his current situation.
We just talked about how much we may spend if our nephew or niece gets married in the next year or two. The amount in our mind is about $1000 but it is unlikely we will go to his/her wedding. Family obligations here! (It seems my kid has some limited contact with his cousins who live far away. They are friendly with each other.)
Recently we need to deal with the issue of graduation gift for DS’s girlfriend. We were thinking of either a Vitamix or a nice handbag (it will be up to her to decide. I know it is late but she’s moving and has not settled down at her destination city yet.)
I’ll be married on June 13. I wish i had invited many of you. Hehe
I grew up with a health care administrator dad and a high school choir director mom. We lived in physical splendor in northern Wisconsin (lakes, trees and northern lights) and were probably upper-middle class in our neck of the woods.
I mowed our lawn weekly in the summers beginning at about 13 and held summer jobs from junior high through college. Currently I work in energy in Iowa. I’m still mid to upper-mid here. My fiance is a social worker.
We’ve been giving and receiving a lot of gifts lately and for us, it’s like this:
$100ish for friends
More for family
We have certain other financial responsibilities for which we are trying to stay focused: house, kids, kids’ educations, etc. So we have to limit our guft expenditures.
That doesn’t mean we don’t try hard to find fabulous gifts for our people: we look for value and for that we iften go outside of the brick-and-mortar markets.
Honestly, they care most that you are at their wedding, sharing in their biggest day. Buy them a grilling tool set (that’s what i want, anyway… and it’s faitly cheap) and move on to concentrating on what really matters, their wedding and celebration.
We just bought a relative a nice Kitchen Aid stand mixer that is on coupon – last day today at Costco. It’s a slightly better model than the bride requested. I called Macy’s registry and had them check that it was purchased so that they don’t end up with tons of the same item. Macy’s was fine with checking that it was purchased, even tho I told them I purchased it elsewhere. I did tell the mother of the bride that anyone that purchases and item elsewhere that is on the registry can call Macy’s and tell them it was purchased so they can indicate it and the couple doesn’t end up with duplicates.
When I got married nearly 30 years ago, shortly after graduating from law school, I got a huge range of gifts, from $20 items to cash amounts ranging from $20 to $50 and a few $100 from close family and relatives. All were appreciated and most did NOT cover the cost of the plate, as the reception was at a nice hotel with a 7 course chinese dinner and DJ. It was NOT a fundraiser and we were happy folks attended and enjoyed the celebration with us. I did have a few wedding showes as well, and the gifts were heartfelt but mostly modest and practical. As I had been living in my own apartment for 4 years by the time I got married, I really didn’t need much.
Post #123, we got almost nothing of significant value, well except cash from my immediate family. I think my mother told people that we would be rich because we were both engineers. I now wish she hadn’t mention that, Ive could have a nice chunk of money.
But back in the day when I got married, people absolutely DID schlep gifts to the wedding reception,place it on the gift table and then at the end of the night, someone in the wedding family hauled the gifts to the car and to someone’s home to be opened before the honeymoon or after the honeymoon in front of immediate family. Are/were we odd??!!! >>
I went to tons of weddings as a kid because my parents were the oldest siblings of oldest siblings, so there were a lot of weddings - their siblings, cousins, etc. The bridal couple opened the gifts at the reception. After they left, various family members took everything to the bride’s parents’ home.
People brought gifts to my wedding, but we didn’t open them until after we got back from the honeymoon. We didn’t get many cash gifts at all.
My sister got married 20 years after I did and a lot of gifts were still brought to the reception. This was 2005.
Many years ago, I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. I gave them a LeCreuset piece that is broad and semi-shallow, with a lid. (I have one too, and it is unlike any other pot I own, and particularly handy for certain dishes.) Her groom said something at the wedding about really wanting money, but that had never occurred to me because it wasn’t the culture of the bride and I. Anyway, I felt therefore felt quite uncomfortable about my gift.
Decades later, she still has and uses the LeCreuset, but he is gone.
I’m not a fan of bringing the gift to the reception but if you insist on doing that, for pity’s sake, please put your card INSIDE the gift box, not slipped under the ribbon (even if you’ve taped it to the wrapping). I’m still frustrated that some of the guests at my wedding brought gifts with the card outside the box and in the confusion of several members of the wedding party transporting the gifts away from the venue, several cards disappeared and we had no idea who some of the gifts were from.
Apparently, they were from people on my husband’s side of the family and even though I was diligent about writing my thank you notes, I ended up hearing from my mother-in-law about people who weren’t thanked promptly. UGH. I’d rather these people hadn’t gotten us gifts at all; the stress wasn’t worth it.
Personally, I always send gifts ahead of the wedding. It saves potential screw-ups and is just more considerate, IMO.
I never received thank you’s for two gifts from two years ago. One was something I wrapped myself and dropped off in person, so the mom knew who it was from. The card was taped to the package, under the ribbon and taken to the house. The other was shipped by Bed, Bath,& Beyond and I did the online gift message thing, so I assume that was in the box. I am Facebook friends with both brides (childhood friends of my daughters and we were good friends with the parents then), so they could have at least thanked me that way. I find it irritating to get no acknowledgement at all.
I’ve sent two gifts in the past year to brides before the wedding - one shipped directly from a local (to the bride) store and one from BB&B. I received no thank you, so I was left wondering if they actually received them. At least if it’s taken to the reception you know it made it there.
Yes, we had a young relative not acknowledge for months. But in the meantime, I saw the check was deposited. We also had some fall weddings where the thank you didn’t come til they were sending out holiday cards. If you’re comfortable, it’s ok to nicely ask, say, the mother, if it was received.
I have also not received thank yous for shipped gifts. I contact the store first to make sure it’s been shipped…then I call the mother of the bride…and just inquire “wondering if they received our gift? It was shipped directly from the store and just want to make sure it got to them”.
Can I also add, that it is not just the bride’s job to send thank-you’s. Especially to the groom’s family, it makes sense for the groom to write them. In any case, many couples divvy up the task–it’s fairly archaic to question just the bride or the bride’s mother.
The bride’s family, in my case, extended the invitation…and all of the gifts were sent to the bride’s mother’s house. Thus the call to the bride’s mother.
Plus, we actually knew the bride’s parents and did not know the groom’s parents.
Honestly,the thank you note was secondary to me wanting to know that the gift was received.
