<p>I know someone who is getting engaged this week. He went shopping with us because I know my jewelry. I got the final choice. During the selection process I stayed out of the way. He choose the nearly flawless 1 carat stone and a 80 point flawless stone. I got the final vote…the ring that is the one carat is somewhere around here.</p>
<p>I would have gone to a larger stone (like the 2 carat that I loved), but he is saving for a house. I will be giving her one of my diamond necklaces for her birthday. (or sooner). And, as my husband said, the ring is gorgeous…and they can buy a bigger stone later.</p>
<p>I admit it…I am shallow. I love my jewelry. And, the fact that several jewelers know me by name…yep. I am shallow.</p>
<p>Juniebug, I think what a “modern bride” would want in an engagement ring is very individualized, meaning they are all most likely going to have different preferences. I think that a family ring is wonderful but your son should first discuss it with his fianc</p>
<p>juniebug, In case your new daughter in law (or son) is not 100% there with the setting, I think you need to make sure your son knows it would be okay to have the stone reset. Or you could offer it up to have a new (right hand) ring made to be presented to her on the birth of the first grandchild.</p>
<p>Geez I feel so shallow but talking about my engagement ring always makes me really upset. My H is a very practical guy. He decided that my ring would be a half carat. We picked it out together because that’s what he wanted. He felt that I would be wearing the ring and he didn’t want to have me change the setting which many of my friends did at the time. </p>
<p>Anyways we picked it out together but he said the stone was to be a half carat or smaller. That’s what his mom has and he felt it was perfect. </p>
<p>That would have been ok except that my sister and my SIL both had one carat rings. And both of their husbands were just out of college while my H had been out of school and working for 5 or so years. I know I am/ was being silly but all I ever wanted was a one carat ring with a plain wide gold band, which is what my SIL has (and yes she didn’t like the original setting and had it reset).</p>
<p>Honestly, my engagement ring broke a few years ago and I threw it into a drawer and I’m not that interested in spending the money to re do it. </p>
<p>I am not usually very shallow or materialistic but I would not have been thrilled with a relatives ring, not for my engagement ring.</p>
<p>Harvestmoon: I wear my rings to the grocery store. I guess that they are “larger” stones (a little over 4 carats for the center stone). I won’t garden with them but where I go…they go with me everywhere except when we go to Europe. </p>
<p>I have some very dressy pieces…but last night with jeans and a blazer I wore my diamond necklace. You can dress up or down.</p>
<p>I don’t wear my engagement ring at all any more. The teeny tiny diamond fell out twice and I decided I didn’t like what I chose anyway. DH asked without a ring, then we got the offer of a family diamond from a stickpin, and then looked at settings. I never really liked what I chose that much. The marriage ring means more to me. I have to say, I’m glad MIL didn’t hesitate to give up the “heirloom”. She was very sweet.</p>
<p>. Or you could offer it up to have a new (right hand) ring made to be presented to her on the birth of the first grandchild.</p>
<p>Thats a nice idea.
I would have liked a larger ring at the time of our wedding, just because my sister had a much bigger ring ( she was younger than I but was marrying a man who was older).
But really it is down to personality & style. Many people are fairly active & ostentatious jewelry looks like just that. Some people don’t care about looking so insecure, cause they love their security trinkets, others realize that what it represents lasts longer and many people only choose wedding bands & don’t even have an engagement ring.
Money could be used for other things.</p>
<p>It totally depends on the girl! And on the community she is in. My ring is on the large side for where I live now, but tiny compared to where I was (NYC investment bank) in my younger days. I did not care about size but there is a lot of benchmarking in some communities! </p>
<p>I was given a grandmother’s ring (H’s father’s mother’s ring). I do like it, but it is not what I would have chosen for myself. And my inlaws always say things like “glad to see you are taking care of my mother’s ring.” And there is the attitude that I should be so appreciative of getting it. It’s weird, truly. 20+ years later and it still does not feel like “my” ring. </p>
<p>I think it can be a nice gesture in certain situations, esp. if the original owner was a lovely lady. I do think a gal should be able to ask for a new setting though if she would like it. For me, the proposal is more important than the ring!</p>
<p>All the best to the OP and her S and future DIL. Let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>My ring is exactly what I wanted. But the Tiffany setting i so love, is not compatible with my life style. The stone came out once, so don’t wear the engagement ring except on those occasions when I know I am not doing manual work as well. Apparently, this is a terrible setting to have with a high incidence of stone loss. But I have an unusually sparkling ring, and I truly like it as is. I did not want a bigger or smaller stone, either. It’s just perfect.</p>
<p>Okay, it sounds like there are people who get a lot of pleasure from their jewelry, and then there are people like me! I just don’t know the gf well enough to know which end of the spectrum she is in. Interestingly, she looks very much like my mother did when she was young. Beautiful dark hair and sapphire blue eyes. An omen, perhaps?</p>
<p>I realize it can seem shallow to care how big the diamond is, but I don’t judge. I was a girl once ;). But I do know she adores my son, and I trust them to work everything out together. </p>
<p>I have already told my DD she should feel free to do whatever she likes with my jewelry when I’m gone. My diamond would make a good diamond stud earring if she feels like buying another for the pair. I don’t think I’m terribly sentimental about these things. Or, at least I don’t expect them to be.</p>
<p>Grandchildren? I haven’t let myself go there yet!</p>
<p>Very timely post. I spent many hours on W47th st. in NYC last week looking at diamonds with my son. I love jewelery and have a collection of diamond jewelery. I have given some to my daughter but it never occurs to me to give one of them to my future DIL as an engagement ring. I think she should have her own.
Many women in NYC have humongous rocks and my son’s GF hinted she wanted something larger than a carat. He chose a high quality diamond and is being set in a classic Tiffany platinum 6 prong solitaire. I don’t think she needs to upgrade for a long time.</p>
<p>H and I went to the diamond district in NYC to pick out my ring. Which is a good thing, because H has very high standards for diamonds–he spent some time as a customs inspector while in B school–and a stone of the cut and clarity and color that he would have found satisfactory would have been tiny, given our budget. I have big hands and I am not, in fact, a fan of diamonds, except for big emerald-cut ones. I prefer colored stones. We picked out a ring that had a large emerald-cut sapphire–I think it is around 3 carats–with a smaller round diamond on either side. I still love it, and people still compliment me on it from time to time. I used to feel guilty about buying it, but since I have gotten pleasure out of wearing it for over 25 years, I don’t feel bad about it any more. :)</p>
<p>This is all so interesting to me. My engagement ring was a high quality quarter carat in a Tiffany setting. We married fairly young and it seemed extravagant. I never took it off and eventually the setting was so compromised it was beyond repair. I put it in my jewelry box while I decided what to do, secretly hoping my husband would have it reset for our 25th. Instead he surprised me with a full carat diamond in a more elaborate setting; it is beautiful but not something I wear every day. </p>
<p>S1 has been with his GF for over five years; we love her dearly. She is just finishing law school and he has one year before he finishes his PhD; it seems likely they will plan to marry soon. I have thought about offering him my diamond. His GF is not a “material girl” and the stone has very good karma. But what about S2, who will probably eventually fall in love and marry?</p>
<p>“In a divorce situation, the ex wives I know have all kept their jewelry, and in some cases that has led to some family antagonism when heirlooms were involved. Again, I don’t know the legalities of any of this.”</p>
<p>A friend told me that an engagement ring (since it’s given before marriage) is always considered the property of the wife in a divorce, whereas jewelry given during the marriage is considered (in many states) to be a marital asset.</p>
<p>All the more reason to ask for a really big engagement ring! Kidding</p>
<p>Y’all realize that the diamond engagement ring custom is a marketing ploy by the De Beers company. Before they started telling everyone that a groom should spend 2 mos. salary on a diamond ring, the practice of presenting a diamond engagement ring wasn’t common.</p>
<p>I didn’t have an engagement ring at all. At some piling my mother gave me a gorgeous ring,gold with a 3/4 C diamond and baguettes on both sides. We had it reset into a plain gold solitaire setting. To be honest…I wish I had the OLD setting now! But the punchline is that I never wear the ring. It just doesn’t look good with my wedding band and the diamond band I also wear.</p>
<p>We have several of my mom’s diamonds here and my kids both know that the stones and settings are theirs when the time comes. </p>
But what about S2, who will probably eventually fall in love and marry?</p>