<p>OP, you are a better person than I.</p>
<p>Congrats to your son and his new bride.</p>
<p>@momof3sons, thank you for posting, and definitely add me to your mass PM list! :)</p>
<p>I agree with this:</p>
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<p>It just seems strange. The intensive scheduling is more understandable to me. One of my nieces, who was pretty much planning her own wedding, had exhaustive lists assigning tasks to relatives and friends, or at least to some of us (the good sports 
). My day-of task was to distribute bouquets and corsages and cajole recalcitrant grandmothers et al into wearing the latter. I also purchased the ring pillow, since my S was the ringbearer. As it turned out, her dress actually split down the back along the zipper in the middle of the reception, and one of my other nieces came and got me to fix it, which meant that I literally sewed her into the dress for the duration!</p>
<p>I cannot get over the fact that you apparently went through all of this while suffering from food poisoning…</p>
<p>Regarding the east/west thing: would expect the west to be the more relaxed group, not the reverse.</p>
<p>Well, I laughed. You had a 3 page Wedding Day plan, were instructed how to walk, and were forbidden to touch your son while walking him down the aisle? And you were given JOBS to do before and after the wedding, while you were hosting all of these functions? </p>
<p>Oh my. Wow! </p>
<p>I know myself. I would have linked arms with my son. I just know it. I will also be older than dirt, metaphorically-speaking, when my kids finally get married as I was an old parent in the first place. There WILL BE no jobs. If my husband and I show up, they will be happy (or else). </p>
<p>Could I be on the PM list, too?</p>
<p>When my son gets married, not only will I be holding on, someone will have to pry my fingers off his arm as I scream “no, he’s mine and you can’t have him.” we have a joke in my family that it would be best for my son to limit his dating pool to either orphaned women or other men so I never have to compete with a woman who has a mother. That would be very ugly.</p>
<p>I would love to be on the list too. </p>
<p>As the mother of both a son and a daughter, your story makes the college search process seem like nothing. We may have a little control over what colleges our kids attend, but certainly not who they marry or how they handle their weddings!</p>
<p>I suspect when the time comes my daughter will try to be controlling to the nth degree because that is her personality. I have already (pre-engagement) told her the three non-negotiable things for me at her wedding. she is very close to her boyfriend’s mother, so I suspect the future MIL knows how to deal with her already. My husband is very flaky, so her best laid plans will fall by his wayside. Also, the boyfriend is every bit as much of an organizational freak as she is, so there will be dueling timetables and to do lists, which makes me giggle even thinking of it. They both love to color code everything, so I could totally see the guests all having colored stickies on them corresponding to various things. But they are both very considerate people, so I think that will help a bit.</p>
<p>Haha! Watch zoosermom will be the best of friends with the yet to be met MIL!!! </p>
<p>Add me to the pm if possible. I want to be the best MOB I can be. Future SIL is a gem!</p>
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<p>A few weeks ago I was talking to an aquaintance about his daughter’s wedding. Both sides of the family had strict budgets and due to unforseen circumstances, the wedding turned into a “destination” wedding - at least not on either the bride’s or the groom’s home turf. The two families rented a large vacation home and together worked very hard to make the food and do everything else required for both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.(I saw pictures and it was a gorgeous event.) He said it was hard work but went very well. </p>
<p>I asked if the groom’s family had a similar work ethic to that of their family and he said yes, and that he knew that if everyone hadn’t been on board with the do it yourself nature of the event, there would have been BIG problems.</p>
<p>Thus one difference between that wedding and that of momof3sons Son.</p>
<p>It would be great to have a wedding with “no jobs” but I think I would feel better about being given jobs if it had been discussed very nicely in advance (so I could pack my after wedding janitorial ensemble, for example.)</p>
<p>I would be ok with jobs if I were asked nicely and not blindsided with a memo at the last minute.</p>
<p>Put me on the PM list too, please.</p>
<p>Boy – I don’t go on CC for around five hours and look at what’s happened. This thread has nearly a hundred posts.</p>
<p>Well who told you to have a life?</p>
<p>Please put me on your PM list too. My own wedding was crazy and I’m working on a list of things to do/ not to do when my own kids get to that point in life… </p>
<p>Please don’t regret posting this. It was fun reading and truth be told I would probably have a four page list – mostly to keep things from falling out of my brain in the no-food/running around like a chicken stressful pre-ceremony hours. (Although I’d typically hide the list and only sneak peeks myself while locked in a bathroom stall.)</p>
<p>I have to get back to work, but I binged on this thread. Count me in on PM list. I’m a future MOG.</p>
<p>Planning parties can be fun. The details, like menu, invitations and flowers and favors, I like. I hope I can be as gracious as the OP to pay but have no say in all of this. </p>
<p>I already have been told that my closest friends will not fly across country, and to please have a local party. My relatives, the parents of son’s close friends, can all be invited. I suspect if I have a local party for 50+, I will care much less about the far away wedding, with maybe 10 from my side. </p>
<p>The undercooked chicken and getting ill was the first thing I reacted to, then the 3 page list of rules, and the “non-touching” clause. How gracious the OP is. Vent away. </p>
<p>Apparently “bring Immodium” should be added to everyone’s “list.” :)</p>
<p>I would love to be included on the PM list also. There might be a wedding coming up in my future, and things are so different these days. Thanks.</p>
<p>Maybe the brides family and the grooms family were all suffering from food poisoning the day before the wedding. This would certainly cramp the style of the most anal retentive of the group. </p>
<p>Congrats to momo3 for carrying herself with dignity and grace. </p>
<p>I’m kind of feeling sorry, not only for the OP, who was a saint and behaved much better than I would have, but also the bride and her family. They sound so socially awkward that this must have been excruciating for them. Also, this feels like a bit of an overlap with the glass half full/empty discussion. Ugh. I hope my boys marry into families that I like. Or elope.</p>
<p>Please include me on the PM.</p>
<p>I will say that a wedding brings on the stress like nothing else. My DD is a totally mellow kid, never a problem, mever a sibling fight, just a great easy going kid. She was very tense & I was extremely careful not to upset her. I tried not to provoke irritation like I never had to as a mom of her in the teen years.</p>
<p>We ended up with some photo confusion, including the dress the bride thing happening about 6 hours before the wedding, I had no make up, no shower, I was still working. Thankfully the photographer did some B&W pics. The in laws offered to help, but really we were so busy it was difficult to come up with things and explain them such that it was more work to have help. They, in fact, helped too much which caused the reception to end much sooner than planned, it was out of the goodness of their hearts, but it was something we all were so unhappy with that night and that week.</p>
<p>I did email the far away family some info about photo stuff so they could plan their own family groupings, the groom said they would not want any, but I think they did, sons don’t always know!</p>
<p>I am sure the in law family could have stories about how we did things that frustrated them, though I don’t know what they are & don’t want to know! They kindly did host all out of town guests (85% of total) for the rehearsal dinner, which was nice.</p>
<p>I arranged free housing for my extended family and the groom’s family, I requested they pay a housecleaner and do a nice gift basket as a thank you. I am sure his family thought they could clean it themselves and they could have, but it is nice to tell someone, “your home has been cleaned professionally” and I did buy a whole special gift basket of my own & was glad I had, their’s was minimal & I would have been embarrassed to give only that to my friend who left town specifically to loan us their home. Maybe a local custom? Maybe a personal style? Maybe not quite grasping the significance of the large favor? I guess, though, it is true, we do all judge each other on this stuff. I do assume that their home town does things differently than ours & I did wonder what they were judging ;)</p>
<p>I think you were brilliant to NOT speak up, there is just not any way that ends well, with the heightened emotions etc., you stood a big chance of causing a bad memory for all.</p>
<p>One thing, the after reception clean up, I do think you mentioned that on CC before the date, I suppose that would be something to say, “Oh, no, I am sorry, but I told you, we are hosting out out of town guests at X PM, so cannot manage those chores:” Just nicely and kindly.</p>
<p>I do think I could understand if you had grabbed DSs hand at some time! But commend you on not doing it. I still remember some things MIL did to flout our requests, she waited until the day of the wedding when there was no way to address it other than a big stink. I never said anything, but I never forgot.</p>
<p>Also, on the photos that were rushed, it is amazing on the wedding day how not everyone has the full picture and how that causes stress. DH was writing his speech at the moment he needed to be having the “first sight” photo with DD. It was intensely annoying to me that he waited until that day, but I bit my tongue. I had DD & the photographer & everyone lined up for his first look & I had him unwilling to come. Yikes! It just seems like photographers should give the parents on both sides a time line! I told our photographer to do that in the future, she liked the idea, we both agree, brides get so tense.</p>