<p>I do agree that his/her kid would benefit from “time away” from WBJ in a more enlightened environment. But we’ve said it here before, parents are often factors in whether an otherwise qualified child is admitted. And it’s hard to discern whether those views are held by the child.</p>
<p>BS isn’t the place to “clean that up.” Too much stress on the existing kids who often take the brunt of the behavior. And a lot of stress on parents who have to deal with their parents during school visits.</p>
<p>Frankly, I had a brush in with a “WBJ” parent this weekend and it took every ounce of strength not to lay her out right then in the school hallway. Even the other faculty were annoyed. They don’t have time to deal with that kind of ignorance. It’s not the reason they exist.</p>
<p>Exie, we have to make the time to deal with that kind of ignorance. We’re running out of time because we haven’t. Don’t let your frustration congeal into scorn.</p>
<p>Exie - Point taken. I hadn’t considered the potential impact on classmates. WBJ’s child will have ample opportunity to find her own way when she gets into college - and mom or dad will be in less of a position to wreak havoc on her fellow students. (I know what you’re going to say - some parents never give up . . . but we can hope for the best!)</p>
<p>I’d like to try and steer the conversation back to a question I raised earlier, and which Alexz825Mom has started to address:</p>
<p>For those of you who are in BS now, or have students in BS, how comfortable are the students in your school with approaching faculty with concerns about a fellow student? Which is stronger: the student “code of silence” or the shared trust with faculty and dorm heads?</p>
<p>One CC’er has said that at her school there are no secrets - because of the closeness of the school community, it’s hard to “get away” with anything without someone knowing. The question is, when a student’s safety is at risk, will his or her fellow students speak up?</p>
<p>It is regretful that some of my posts may have been blunt that have rubbed somebody in the wrong way. I was expressing my concerns as a parent on an Internet forum. Right or wrong, please don’t shoot the messager or worse yet his kids at the same time. Be very careful when you call someone a racist. IMO, a racist is someone:</p>
<ul>
<li>deny somebody opportunity or things of value solely based on that person’s race</li>
<li>demand opportunity or things of value solely based on his/her own race</li>
</ul>
<p>So far I have done neither.</p>
<p>When it comes to being disruptive to schools, I am totally the opposite of what you have assumed me of. I have been a virtually no show if that would make you breath a little easier. Had parents been a little more proactive, there may be fewer of incompetent teachers in our school systems.</p>
<p>Dodgersmom, if you search for “sanctuary” in this forum, you’ll pull up threads which cover kids “calling sanctuary” on each other. A student can also request sanctuary himself. Not every school practices sanctuary. Those which do feel that without the policy, students will not report problems to staff members, as they’d be afraid of causing trouble for a friend.</p>
<p>In the case of the OP, it’s quite conceivable the school and fellow students wouldn’t know anything. Cell phones allow students to talk with off-campus friends at any time of day, anywhere on campus.</p>
<p>Sanctuary works. I don’t know any schools that don’t have some version of it. I feel very sad for this girl, and also, especially, her mother. All of us should be thankful if our children are not vulnerable to these kinds of influences, and I truly believe that it’s mostly just luck if they are not.</p>
<p>We are all assuming she is guilty. In America “accused” does not mean guilty. The NY Post today elaborates on why she left DF "WA former classmate told The Post that Owes got caught cheating on a Spanish essay in the fall of 2009, and was on probation when, the next spring, she skipped school and claimed she was going to a doctor’s appointment. The school checked, and learned there was no appointment, Owes’ schoolmate said. </p>
<p>The article goes on to say she is now a straight A student at very competitive Millenium HS in Manhattan (test entry), a basketball star, and had already interviewed at Harvard and Yale for college. She wants to be an attorney and claims she is innocent, Mom is pictured bringing her SAT books to study from while she is AWAITING A HEARING. </p>
<p>We don’t know the details of why she was accused, apart from telephone conversation recorded from her boyfriend telling her to carry a gun. About 20 other kids from her neighborhood are also accused. </p>
<p>If she is innocent this will certainly teach her about the power of stereotyping and the importance of protecting the innocent.</p>
<p>Dodgermom–yes the kid probably could benefit from being in bs and away from their parents, but by this age the kid has seen racism up close and personal. I wonder if this type of kid would even be open to getting to know others and giving kids a fair chance. </p>
<p>This mentality is the same as people burning crosses on my front yard in 1976 when we moved into a suburb. </p>
<p>Trust me, my d is well away of kids that come from racist homes, she honestly pities them. But as a mom, you never want your child in harms way even if it the harm of hatred.</p>
<p>I am sorry that my post was so strong, but I still mean what posted.</p>
<p>In my d’s case, the ability to speak to a dorm parent or more so to her proctor has given her a chance to voice her feelings and concerns.</p>
<p>My d had an adjustment period and found that the structure of the school gave and continues to give many outlets and ways to ask for help and to get help for others. </p>
<p>Having a kid who is very clear on “rules and regulations” and also shows great concern of others she will not adhere to a code of silence. Due to our background and her experiences, she knows what it is like to be on the outside, thus she speaks up for the “underdog” all the time. She supports the day students, gay students, and the international students. She understands that today someone else might be the outsider but tomorrow it can be you.</p>
<p>A motto in our home: Bad things happen when good people do nothing!</p>
<p>for some reason you sounded awfully like the lady who yelled “where is my Obama money” on tv a couple of years ago. Please … let it go! It is not 1976 any more, and Dr. King would be rolling in his grave had he known what his dream had become. </p>
<p>I have hated nobody in my life as I simply chose to live within the system and hope for the best. But I have determined not to dance and celebrate with you even as you are demanding IT. As you see so many “racists” in your daily life and your daughter pities so many of them, would you even be willing to consider if you are a bit overly sensitive or simply looking at yourself in the mirror hopefully one day??</p>
<p>Last but the not the least, could you now share with us what’s your definition of a “racist” as you are throwing the term around so literally? Please … ?!</p>
<p>If I may Alexz,…African American + Harlem = should have known she’d be a drug dealer so DA didn’t practise “due diligence” and could not have been truly qualified to attend. You’d probably say the same thing about Alexz’s d except substitute Chicago for Harlem, so I totally understand her outrage.</p>
<p>Or, if you prefer, Pakistani applicant = terrorist (different thread)</p>
<p>I’d say those two examples could be universally described to be racist. You know, projecting stereotypes onto individuals, generalizations, pre-judging someone based on their ethnicity, etc. Racism is not always burning crosses. It’s often much more subtle. Even in the absence of malice, it’s still racist.</p>
<p>At this point, I think it’s pretty obvious so I’ll just ignore this thread from now on.</p>
<p>As Alexzmom says “bad things happen when good people do nothing.” This is the premise of Racial Identity Development Theories and WBJ, you would be wise to become familiar with them. WBJ: your quick leap to a conclusion that Afrika was not properly vetted given her background does, indeed, reveal a deep-seated assumption about race. Thou doth protest too much.</p>
<p>I enjoy this site because it can be oh so lonely being a prep school parent, but I have had enough of this thread and will now follow Neato’s lead…</p>
<p>Let us take a different look at this. As President Obama says we are all Americans before we are black and white. The girl is 17 years old not 13 and smart enough to get into a top flight BS with scholarship. Once at BS, she is accused of breaking rules. Are we cutting slack too easily and trivialize too quickly saying that it is a teenage thing it so that it will only encourage this kind of behavior? Congressman Rangel didn’t resign after a conviction. Are the community members that the teens look up to setting a lower standard of morality? I think Afrika was given all the advantages from KIPP to BS and she blew it and should be held accountable so that it will set an example for others who may want to follow in her foot steps. Looks like she took the path of easy money rather than working hard to earn it. I’m not sure you should be sympathizing with her, may be with her family. Many poor families will be dying to get all the advantages Afrika was given. Don’t try to bring race and gender into this discussion to support the status quo. I think Bill Cosby was right in trying to demand more from his community and was criticized for it. Do we forever want to be a country of entitlements? I think as President Obama says it is time for us to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin again the work of remaking America.</p>
<p>That’s exactly my point, are we cutting slack too easily? She is 17 and smart and should be able to discern right from wrong. Isn’t she smart enough to know that her friend is not what she wants her friend to be. Her cheating at Deerfield is not her friend’s influence. If I read correctly, the man’s family is making statements like she knew what she was doing. If we set a low threshold for expectation and continue to coddle grown teens, do we expect the problems to go away?</p>
<p>Sounds like the girl fell <em>madly</em> in love, and that love blinded her from telling right and wrong. Her cheating at Deerfield might be a sign that she was so consumed in the relationship with this man, who was living far away and was so “unstable” that she couldn’t concentrate on her work any more. Just an extreme case of a teenager losing her way. It feels like it has everything to do with where she was from, her family, her race or even her school, but it actually doesn’t. Plenty of kids from similar background who attend BS don’t fall like she did. And, by a very slim chance, this could happen to any teenage girl.</p>