Maybe this belonged on the brag thread? I.e., my daughter was strong enough to stand up for herself against me and, by inference, any man in a position of authority.
Good lord. Now she’s speaking truth to power and standing up to the man. lol.
It’s her dad. And she’s a minor. And he is most likely on the hook for paying for college with mom. Also together with mom for her food ,housing, clothing and braces and health care and fun. All of it.
Sure stand up for yourself. Ask him to talk about it another time. But the “get out” isnt something I would suggest as a best practice. Common respect for your parents is ok and being disrespectful and telling him to “get out.” doesn’t sound very nice. It’s the Same guy who wipes a tear or roots for you too.
It’s not the end of the world obviously and it happens ,sure, but glorifying it is a little much.
Promise me everyone here will go to your female or male manager or company owner and tell them to “get out” when they ask you a question. See how that works out.
Being nice to your parents, the kind and concerned kind, should be something we applaud too. I don’t understand the high fives being shared.
This thread title DID get my fullest attention, LOL.
“The high fives” weren’t about saying “get out” to her dad. Yeah, she could have spoken more respectfully when she had to tell him a second time. But the point was that she was asserting herself that she was on a break from studies and that she’d resume conversation on the topic on an agreed upon date. She was able to assert herself with someone who has more power than her, but it was appropriate, even if she could have said so more respectfully. In the long run, that assertiveness and speaking up for herself will be a positive trait as a young woman.
Nobody is suggesting that using “get out” would be appropriate in the work world. But it is within reason for an annoyed teen to say to a parent in the home in the heat of the moment, even if not the best choice. I think too much emphasis has been put on the words “get out” than on the essence of the point the D was making. Even her dad is recognizing his D made a good point with him. The daughter said: “GET OUT. I WILL TALK TO YOU JUNE 14. DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE THEN.” If you remove “get out”…the rest is her very valid point. That was what was being supported by many posters here. Yeah, she could have said “can you please leave now” instead of “get out.” Apparently, she was getting annoyed by her second attempt. She is a teen, after all. Getting annoyed at a parent comes with the territory. Being kind is important too. They aren’t perfect. But neither was the dad! 
The dad is a self-professed “tiger dad”. We talk all the time on CC about stress students are under. We know families here can obsess and focus too much time on the whole college process. This daughter is pushing back against that, requesting a break to chill and watch netflix after finishing up her academic year. Nothing wrong with that. Good for her. I wish more high school students would push back and take charge of the process. Yup, I’ll give a high five for that.
@soozievt thank you very much. That makes perfect sense. And I am know firmly on the glad she spoke up for herself in that context. Yes indeed you have to be honest about what you feel like discussing or needing a break from stress.
@lookingforward I’m with you. My kids could never speak to me in that manner, but apparently we are outliers.
And I don’t speak to them in that manner either. A little civility goes a long way.
We don’t know the tone of that “get out.” It might have been said firmly, but with a smile. So, not necessarily rude.
I will add, a few years ago my daughter and I stayed with a good friend of mine in Boston. He’s a major foodie with a particular love for local Italian food. My daughter (NOT a foodie) mentioned casually “I actually like Pizza Hut” which nearly sent my friend reeling. “Get out of my house” he bellowed (with a smile in his voice.) “I can’t host someone who thinks Pizza Hut serves pizza” To this day we laugh about it, all three of us.
@musicmom1215 I think he was joking that if the boy tried to tell his daughter what to do she’d dispatch him to meet God because she isn’t going to be ordered around.
We don’t know what necessarily preceded this conversation. Maybe this was the 5th thing of the day Dad was nagging her on. Or something else previous that added to the tense nature of this conversation.
ROFL. This is us. Forever. All of us. Maybe it’s in the genes.
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. End of rope. Blow up. Point taken. Retreat by offending party (or both parties). No or brief sulking. Fire out. Back to business as usual. No grudges. Life resumes.
I still step too far sometimes as a parent. It’s tough when you’ve spent years taking care of and worrying about all the details of everyone’s schedule. You spend years herding cats and then the cats meow back in protest. As they should.
“My job is done here” should be my new mantra.
My D reacts like OPs daughter (she’s right ) and my son humors me more with a big hug and a “stop worrying about stuff—you’re making us both nuts. Relax”. It’s a process in me letting go. And it’s taken me way too long.
Good grief self righteous parents. “Not appropriate” responses from a TEENAGER? There is no such thing. You mean there are some of you whose kids are far too afraid of you to ever tell you off? That they can’t think for themselves but always toe the party (family) line? “Civility” be blanked.
I applaud you, Tiger Dad. You raised her so much better than those for whom this is “just not done”, to quote a phrase my H would use typically when we talked about how things were done in his home country of India.
I agree that that last sentence makes the story.
btw- once heard it takes until age 30 for a person to fully mature. I now believe it. I’d much rather have that “difficult” kid who challenged me and those “polite” rules than the passive ones. We’re the squeaky wheels that make society change and the ones others look to to do so.
@wis75 My seventeen year old has never yelled at me, not once, and I assure you she isn’t afraid of me in the least. My kids respect me and know that I respect them, and we really have no need to yell at each other. They stand their ground, stand up for themselves, and have yelled at other people on occasion (mainly each other). It’s silly for you to assume that a teen cannot think or act for themselves simply because they choose to engage in respectful dialogue.
ETA: the whole thing seems off topic since I believe OP said his daughter didn’t even yell.
@milgymfam you’re a good listener, then. Recently, my dad asked me ten times in one day about how I was studying for subject test. I told him each time. I finally had to yell to get my point across. Not every parent is as good a listener as you.
@nomood that is true. I always try and truly listen to what is said to me, and have always been an natural empath. My husband tends to do what your dad does, though. Usually my girls tell him, once they are sufficiently frustrated, that they’re not engaging in that particular conversation with him anymore if he won’t listen. I think because my husband yells a lot- at everyone and everything, my kids prefer not to emulate that.
I really, really dislike the usage of the word respect. I think people too often hold it up as the ideal. Perhaps most have a cheap definition of the word. I was, and will be the one who challenges people’s status quo. I also suspect most people are passive and do not challenge the system. There are extremes (see current politicians) but being respectful is not an ideal compared with so many other qualities. I do want to shock instead of conform. Hurray for the thinkers and loud people. Hurray for those who are on the ends of the Bell curves. Perhaps our role is to let you feel good about yourselves.
And I wish no more pointing fingers at what you call the “self righteous.” Some of us could make equally uncomfortable comments back. This isn’t the place.
There’s no knee jerk call for meekness in my family. If you knew us, it would never cross your mind. Nothing wrong with calling for mutual respect. But I’m reaping the seeds of DH indulging D2 in this tone, she’s crashing, and I saw it coming when it began. If a parent is too involved, even refers to tiger parenting, the parent can adjust, without calling teen unpleasantness some sort of asset. Or assuming it’ll just go away on its own.
" But I’m reaping the seeds of DH indulging D2 in this tone, she’s crashing, and I saw it coming when it began."
Are you talking about your own family, @lookingforward? Your post is confusing.