<p>zoosermom - sad for your boss’s children. The best situation for the kids is for them to stay in one house and let the parents move in and out each week. Back to Tiger…</p>
<p>I think this is such an individual case by case thing. But my feelings on this topic have been altered by watching a very messy divorce…and the impact on the kids. The shuttling, the divided loyalties, the messes on holidays. The kids ARE suffering.<br>
I think that if BOTH parties can put nasty feeling aside and create a stable household for the kids, that’s the way to go. Kids don’t really care if their parents are intimate, IMO.
Yes, if there’s constant fighting that’s horrible. But it doesn’t have to be that way.</p>
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I could. I wouldn’t have chosen this situation, but if it was resolved with me not losing time or access to my kids, I could be very cordial. That’s the decision my husband and I made years ago (not because of adultery). Our sitaution was different, of course, but it was still tough. We both worked very hard at it for a period of years and it wasn’t what others would likely call a marriage, but it worked for our family and as time went on, the respect we held for each other in making the best of the situation evolved into a deeper love than what we’d had before. It’s a truly happy and intimate marriage now, but our decisions were made because neither could bear to be apart from our kids.</p>
<p>It’s all about your priorities. As a couple of us have said here, our happiness depends on access to the kids. Elin has the right to be happy and it may not be romantic love that would do it for her at this time in her life.</p>
<p>Zoosermom I totally agreed with you. If I was the wife, I would stay legally married and moved back home with the kids, and set a guess room for TW in case he ever shows up. However, I am sure the post-marriage agreement mentioned a clause similar to that. I dont think both mothers at TW house a few hours before the publication of his affair was a coincidence.</p>
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<p>^^^^Yes, that’s why I qualified my statements and said all situations are different, meaning no one right way. But I think it’s wrong to say it’s not about giving kids credit or not. I shouldn’t just be about what the parents’ priorities are or what they want in terms of spending time with their kids. What you are suggesting MIGHT be the right thing for some families. I think for the majority of people, remaining cordial and really giving the kids the feeling of a happy home would be pretty much impossible in this scenario. The kids would figure that out, and in my experience both before, during, and after my parents’ divorce, it IS an issue. Kids want their parents to be happy together. They pretty much expect their parents to be responsible, mature, and stable (though many don’t live up to that).</p>
<p>can you imagine a man like Tiger when his “platonic” wife begins to have a lover since they are living an arrainged marriage? Yeah, I can see THAT going well.</p>
<p>“Parents who are responsible, mature and stable would be better in my view.”</p>
<p>I haven’t seen evidence that Tiger’s kids have this. Tiger’s lack of maturity and responsibility is evident. Elin appears to have a temper problem (even though I – as well as most women-- probably can empathize with her anger).</p>
<p>“can you imagine a man like Tiger when his “platonic” wife begins to have a lover since they are living an arragned marriage? Yeah, I can see THAT going we”</p>
<p>Imagine, too, the field day the tabloids would have…</p>
<p>Northstar I agree and disagree with you.</p>
<p>You are jumping to the fact that they cannot get past this. That the marriage will only exist for the kids. None of us know the depth of her love for him. I am not defending his actions, but I will say as a child of divorce due to adultery, my father never stopped loving my mother. To the day he died it was the biggest regret of his life that his actions caused the loss of her. It wasn’t about us the kids and the pain he caused, it was always about her. </p>
<p>If I had to endure an adulterous affair, I would much rather it be multiple sexual partners (would be livid on the unprotected sex issue) then an emotional affair. Sex is sex, it is physical, it what your body desires. Emotional would just down right kill me, because that is what your heart desires.</p>
<p>We all make mistakes, it is how we react when we acknowledge those mistakes that matter. Love is not an intellectual decision, it is life in the gray scenario. When my Dad’s affair became known, people forgot how they respected him as a parent or a person, it was all about the pain he caused his family. I was one of them. I remember his defense “I have the right to be happy”, all the time I thought so your happiness out ranks mine? I didn’t see until yrs later that my Mom had a hand in it too. She was the attractive woman that changed into the dowdy wife wearing sweats. She was the wife with a 14 yr old child to babysit the 12 and 10 who said I can’t leave the kids. She took my father and their relationship for granted. He gave her clues, but she choose to ignore them. </p>
<p>I am not saying TW gave Elin hints that he wanted/needed her with him, and she choose to place the kids and dogs before him. I am saying that we do not know the real facts and it is wrong to say she is a fool for staying, that he cannot change or they will not be able to get back to that joy of their wedding day.</p>
<p>CALL me an OPTIMIST, I for one am hoping that this is something they both can overcome. IF it was my sibling, I would not care left, right or indifferent about the actions, all I would ask of them is if they have the ability to ever love them again. If they say “NO”, than I would be packing their Samsonite luggage, if they say “MAYBE”, than I would tell them to stay until the “MAYBE” becomes a “YES” or “NO”</p>
<p>You know, I think that no matter what the living arrangements, parents have an obligation to be cordial and controlled in these tough situations. Unfortunately, I don’t see that much in situations where there is adultery or other issues that might lead to divorce. It usually gets ugly. And sad.
To me, it’s the ultimate in selfish behavior. No one is saying that you have to keep loving someone. Just keep it civil and cordial, whether you’re in the same house or not. Your kids are watching you! I hope Tiger and Elin can do this for the sake of the kids.</p>
<p>…"If they say “Maybe” then I would tell them to stay until the “maybe” becomes a “yes” or “no.”</p>
<p>Yes. This is true. It is better to have no regrets. This I agree with, against my better judgement. ;)</p>
<p>I agree also. Elin’s children are very, very young. I might feel differently with an older child than a baby who wouldn’t understand being away from mom at all. I’m an extended-nursing, attachment type of mom and I would do or put up with almost anything to not be separated from my babies.</p>
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<p>You’re an optimist. I would put a smiley icon here, but I don’t know how.</p>
<p>I think many marriages can get through an infidelity if their love is intact, they have counseling, the cheater is truly remorseful and looking to change. However, I believe that the more instances of infidelity which occur make the challenge that much harder. Serial cheating, unprotected sex, sex with porn stars and possibly prostitutes, etc., is going to make this situation infinitely harder than your typical garden variety adultery. It’s betrayal on a very large scale.</p>
<p>That said, I too actually hope that they can work it out. I just don’t believe they will. Would be happy to be wrong.</p>
<p>I would do some research on the likely success rates of rehab before making a decision. And I’d sure want a battery of tests for STDs.</p>
<p>She’s in a much better place when she and the kids are on her own home turf.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine anyone is talking about them resuming thier sex life…I mean, a battery of tests for STDS how often??? Once a day? I think people are talking about something involving separate bedrooms and separate sex lives…no?</p>
<p>The fact that the two grandmothers were already there (as someone wrote above), it may have been due to the Thanksgiving holiday and a visit.</p>
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<p>Good point…sad, but a legit point.</p>
<p>Tone, I grew up in a family that when we visited my father, my mother would say we were going to the cemetary. To us she would say he was DEAD. He not only cheated on her, but hired attorneys to hide his money from his inventions (Dad invented Rise Gel, softsoap, Pre-Sun, Sundown, Sea and Ski 29, Polo cologne, Anais Anais and Ruffles). We as children went from having vacation homes and Cessna’s to applying for Pell Grants for college. </p>
<p>The only way to keep it civil is if the person who was wrong steps up to the plate and is fair and just to those that they harmed.</p>
<p>LY my SIL, Bullet’s sister, called one Saturday morning in tears, within hrs he and our DD at her home, traveling hundreds of miles to help her collect her life. Her husband left and served her with divorce papers out of what we thoought was the blue, we all thought that the marriage was over. 6-8 weeks later she took him back and reconciled. During that time period, we supported her, but never spoke ill of him, because we knew that if they reconciled it would have been that much harder on the marriage knowing the family disapproved. We left it in her hands, if she was willing to forgive, and wanted to give it another try, as family we needed to stand up behind her and help her. Did Bullet and I think he was an ARSE? YES, but it was not our place to make her live her life through our beliefs.</p>
<p>My Mom learned a lot through her divorce. She has taught me one true lesson through her adage…“I don’t pay their mtg, their bills, raise their kids, or sleep in their bed, it is not my business”.</p>
<p>The battery of tests would factor into the decision of whether or not to try to work it out.</p>
<p>I think that I’d need an electronic monitoring anklet or a personal security guard on him to keep an eye on him. Add a mobile phone and computer tap and a GPS locator on his car.</p>
<p>"You are jumping to the fact that they cannot get past this. That the marriage will only exist for the kids. None of us know the depth of her love for him. "</p>
<p>I come from the perspective that one can love a person, but that doesn’t mean that it’s wise or best to stay in a romantic relationship with them. </p>
<p>Elin can’t control her heart, but she can make decisions that are in her best interest. I find it hard to imagine that it’s in her best interest to have a marriage – in all meanings of the word “marriage” --with a person who has done what Tiger has done. I do think that if he had the ability to control his behavior, he would have at least used condoms. </p>
<p>“f I had to endure an adulterous affair, I would much rather it be multiple sexual partners (would be livid on the unprotected sex issue) then an emotional affair. Sex is sex, it is physical, it what your body desires. Emotional would just down right kill me, because that is what your heart desires.”</p>
<p>Judging by his e-mails, sounds like his relationship with Rachel Utichel was emotional as well as physical.</p>
<p>“I am not saying TW gave Elin hints that he wanted/needed her with him, and she choose to place the kids and dogs before him. I”</p>
<p>In their 4 years of marriage, she has had 2 children. When kids are preschoolers typically is the most stressful time of any marriage. Pregnancy, etc. also is a time of physical stress for women. Decent men rise to the challenge by being involved parents and supporting their mates, not running around the world to party and have sex with other women.</p>
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<p>Smilie is a colon) …wink is semi)… frown is colon( …stick out your tongue is colon P. Shock is colon eek colon… hope that helps</p>