<p>I was 23 (yeah, an age older than 18, right?) and chose to have my baby. Her dad and I are still together and very happy. I would’ve supported my D in whatever choice she made had a situation come up, but she’s 25 now, and we’re much past that. But, she knows her dad and I had a choice, and chose her, and that has much obscured her thinking on the subject. I am glad I had a choice, so she knows she was welcomed. I am also glad I will never have a teenage parent for a child (luck, there.)</p>
<p>I also know that many of my students are or were teenage parents, and are doing just fine, thanks, for those of you who don’t think it is possible. You’d be surprised what people can choose to handle, and do so with grace and independence.</p>
<p>I just read every post of this thread. What I see is:
Occasionally adoption is the best solution to this tough situation.
Occasionally keeping the baby is the best solution to this tough situation.
Rarely is abortion not the best solution to this tough situation.</p>
<p>I married right out of college, but waited for years to have the first child when we could afford to. We worked hard, traveled, had fun before we we were tied down with the first baby. Once the baby was born everything was secondary to her. Having baby was the hardest and most rewarding job I have ever had, and I know I couldn’t have done it without my husband.</p>
<p>Both of our girls know that they are the center of our world. They know they have benefited from our attention. We have told them that it’s not fair to bring babies into this world if parents couldn’t give them their full attention. We have also told them that we fell in love with them when we first saw them on ultrasound, and there would be no way we could have someone else to raise them. </p>
<p>We know our girls would have the same strong feelings about their babies someday, and we also know no matter what prevention they may take unexpected could still happen, we have adviced our girls to let us know as soon as possible and to terminate unexpected/unwanted pregnancy as early as possible.</p>
<p>This thread terrifies me. I can’t believe that I’m seeing adults discussingly abortion in this day and age in such an ignorant, backwards matter. I’m glad none of you are running this country. Women have a right to do what they wish with their own bodies. Period. (This doesn’t apply to all of the posters, obviously).
An aborted fetus is NOT a baby–it is a cluster of living cells. We kill living cells every day of our lives. </p>
<p>As an 18 year old girl, I would most certainly get an abortion.</p>
<p>I think it depends on the person, but like some other posters here, I don’t think that somehow 18 is just too young. I think it’s in part cultural. For one side of my family, marriage and family by age 20 is normal and expected, to the point than I was considered an abberration because I didn’t have my first child until I was almost 22. My mother had me at 19, her mother had a first child at 18 or 19, I think, my aunt got married the November after she graduated high school and was pregnant with her first child before she turned 20. My sister in law (now my ex-sister in law) gave up a child at 17, and had another 2 years later once she was married. </p>
<p>I actually find “old” parents sort of freaky and strange to me – when I go to school meetings and almost all the other parents are the age of <em>my</em> parents, it makes me uncomfortable. Their generation is not my generation.</p>
<p>I understand waiting, but it’s a tradeoff. My children will be out of the house by the time I’m 45. It was harder for me when I was younger, but I don’t know that I’d take it back.</p>
<p>Bazcat…if you have an abortion at 10 weeks (1st tri) the fetus has a heartbeat, it is more than a bunch of cells. Most young girls find out their pregnant at 4-6 weeks, by the time you go to a clinic you could be 6-8 weeks, if you make your decision 2 weeks later, than you are at 10 weeks and there is a heartbeat…remember I am pro-choice, but saying that it is a bunch of cells is ignorant</p>
<p>This week’s People’s magazine featured an article about teen pregnancy(I am a secret tabloid reader). It showed 6 examples of teen pregnancy. Only one girl decided on adoption. All of them are working at minimum wage jobs. There is one 16 year old girl with 5 APs that have given up dreams of going to college. Her 14 year old boyfriend has moved in with her mother. He has given up baseball and basketball to help out. All of those girls seem to have very good family support, but it is still hearbreaking to see them give up so much. It is a very high price to pay.</p>
<p>I would not disown my daughters nor presume to tell her what to do. However adult choices carry adult responsibilities. If she’s not ready for those responsibilities then she isn’t ready to make that choice.</p>
<p>Absolutely my wife and I would love our grandchild the same as we loved any other but absent any tragic circumstances such as would lead us to raise or paty for any other grandchild we would do neither in this case either. </p>
<p>I don’t care how upset, disappointed, mad at my own kid for being a slug, there is no way I’d let my grandchild live in squalor, not get fed three good meals, not be supported/encouraged in their education, not have decent clothes or a good moral upbringing, or be neglected in any way. If my kid couldn’t or wouldn’t provide a decent environment, I would. I just couldn’t turn my back on my grandchild. It’s unfortunate how many children are neglected- you can go into almost any public elementary school and there are many (the teachers know who they are). Shame on the parents, but also shame on the extended families for watching it happen, assuming they know what’s going on and can help the poor little boy or girl.</p>
<p>I totally agree with your post. Because after we get on our high horse and tell our kids, what they are not going to do for them if they have a child, at the end of the day who are they hurting? Their grandchild, their child, and themselves (ecause if you already had a strained relationship with your child, this attidude will probably kill it). </p>
<p>One day, God willing we are going to be really old and we could only hope that we don’t have those Harry Chapin- Cats in the cradle lives. That same child that you are turning your back on saying that you are not goind to help feed, cloth, provide shelter for may have to bring you a glass of water in your old age.</p>
<p>It has nothing to do with being upset or disappointed or being mad at them for “being a slug”. I love my children deeply and believe they are responsible adults. </p>
<p>What it does have to do with is being responsible for your decisions. I have complete faith that my children would be responsible parents knock on wood.</p>
<p>I also would not stand idly by and let a grandchild be raised in squalor or neglected. That’s not what I was referring to. What I’m talking about are things like taking care of/raising/financing the raising of a child/paying for day care etc. so my child could go to school full time or whatever. I was not referring to neglecting them.</p>
<p>And in the case of an 18 year single parent (or two 18 year old parents) with no education, no training… the best life the child can hope for is one of subsidies, welfare, substandard day care, very little quality time with parents (because they’re too busy working minimum wage jobs just to meet rent), and totally nonexistent enrichment. The best thing that can happen for that child is for his parents to get their educations, so they can provide a better nurturing environment.<br>
I’m paying for my kids’ higher level education right now; I’m supporting them, feeding them, clothing them, providing their transportation, board, etc. Why would I stop doing that? As punishment for having a baby? Is that their penance? It only hurts the baby in the long run.<br>
Makes much more sense to help the young parents get a good education so they can provide a good life for their child, rather than become another statistic of state dependency.</p>
<p>“That same child that you are turning your back on saying that you are not goind to help feed, cloth, provide shelter for may have to bring you a glass of water in your old age.”</p>
<p>There are many terrific reasons to make sacrifices to help your children and grandchildren, but I don’t think hoping for a return in kind is a good one. For one thing, it’s very poor insurance. Plenty of lonely seniors in nursing homes spent their lives caring for children and grandchildren who never even come to visit, much help take care of their aging parents.</p>
<p>“Why would I stop doing that? As punishment for having a baby?”</p>
<p>It’s up to each family, but it’s reasonable to do it because the student who wants to become a parent has made a statement that she no longer wants to be a dependent student, but rather an adult. I may have been old enough to vote when I was 18, but I was NOT an adult until I graduated from college and stopped living on my parents’ dime. The OP asked about a student who was still at the decision-making stage. The student may make a different decision if she realizes that adult responsibilities will go along with the decision to become an adult.</p>
<p>It’s a moot point in my family, I guess, because we set up plans for our kids’ education when they were young and those plans are not ours to take away. However, even if I could withdraw the funds, I wouldn’t do so, at least not as a carrot to terminating a pregnancy. I’m pro-choice. But I’m not going to actually incentivize an abortion (“if you terminate your pregnancy, I’ll continue to fund your education… if you do have this baby, I’m withdrawing educational funds…”). I don’t want to live with the idea that I provided the enticement to doing away with my potential first grandchild.</p>
<p>" would strongly advocate terminating the pregnancy and treat it as miscarriage"</p>
<p>For one of my daughters, abortion would probably be the right choice but I would never be dishonest or disrespectful enough to pretend that the abortion was anything else.</p>
<p>Whatever would help you get over it. In my family/culture, they would be the same. No need to label as dishonest or disrespectful. It is much more difficult in the Western culture. I suspect it is due to religion.</p>
Because I would now have to use those funds to help raise another child. Or have you forgotten how expensive a baby is? If money is unlimited, that’s one thing, but for many of us it’s not. There’s only so much to go around, and since I didn’t have my child young, I need to start thinking about the day that I am no longer able to work, due to voluntary retirement or involuntary inability.</p>
<p>Would I turn my back on my child and grandchild? Certainly not. But at the decision making stage, would I make sure that my child understood the very real consequences of each decision? And would I make sure that she understood that if the decision is to keep the baby, that she would have to shoulder the major portion of the responsibility? Oh, yeah. And if she failed to shoulder that responsibility would I step in? Again yes, but I would also take legal steps to ensure the welfare of the grandchild, such as seeking its custody.</p>
I was a bit heated as I wrote that, so I’m not surprised that I fudged some of the facts.</p>