<p>I think it is important to note that no poster has mentioned wanting to receive extravagant gifts. It’s about being acknowledged on your birthday or Mother’s Day. Should a mother not expect to receive a card, or a cake or a bouquet of flowers on those days? I think many of the gifts mentioned on this thread cost even less but were very much appreciated. But to not receive anything from your children to acknowledge a special day? Sorry that’s lame. I can see once in a while if a child is away, then perhaps the phone call or text would have to do. But honestly, for those posters who say it’s not important, when is the last time you ignored your child’s birthday?</p>
<p>I haven’t heard/read anyone saying that don’t mind being ignored on their birthday. Apparently, we (the opposing sides on this thread) have different views on what “ignoring” means. To me, A family member saying “happy birthday” or calling or skyping is not “ignoring” - it’s acknowledging me, the day and their thought of it. A physical gift doesn’t do anymore than that for me. </p>
<p>I think that the difference between a call and something more shows that the giver spent more than five minutes thinking about Mom’s special day, and didn’t just remember because of a Facebook notification. A call is nice, but even something like a handwritten note or a photo shows that the giver remembered that this was important. This year, my young adult DS called a couple days ahead to ask when he could take me out to lunch for my birthday. The lunch was nice, but knowing that he was thinking about my birthday two days early meant the world to me.</p>
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<p>Some gift suggestions for OP’s sons for Conmama:</p>
<p>Mutual funds indexed to the Russian Ruble, North Korean Won, etc. </p>
<p>Annoying hipstergram from an actual hipster from Williamsburg, NYC to the Pacific NW. (Caution: Much more expensive than getting some low-end Tiffany’s Jewelry or moreso…George Peppard. ). </p>
<p>Arrange for Sarah Palin, John McCain, Barrack Obama, Joe Biden, HRC, Mitt Romney, and Paul Cruz all over Conmama’s house for holiday dinner. </p>
<p>A new Trabant or Yugo car. </p>
<p>A Tonika electric guitar from the former Soviet Union(Wouldn’t mind if someone gets one for yours truly)
<a href=“http://cheesyguitars.com/tonika_egs650.html”>http://cheesyguitars.com/tonika_egs650.html</a></p>
<p>^^^WTH?^^^</p>
<p>I’m not really on any one side because I think what’s appropriate depends on ages, where they are, what’s up with them or us and what upcoming plans we all have. I am happy to get a bday call. We’re close in the ways that I do think matter for the long run. And I’m not saying anyone else can’t have hurt feelings. I get it. But I’ve also seen how my own mother’s expectations made the relationship itself feel much less important. </p>
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<p>A picture that I treasure is one D1 took with a good friend from high school she was visiting in Portland, OR. They must have gone over to the coast for a visit and walked the beach. They wrote in the sand, “Hi Mom”, and then placed themselves with the sun behind their backs so the shadow of the two of them ran across the writing as they took the picture. Her friend has always called me mom, so it was very appropriate and I LOVED it.</p>
<p>So this summer when H and I were in Oregon on the coast, we wrote in the sand, “Hi D1 and D2” and stood with the sun behind our backs so the shadow of our bodies was cast across the writing as we took the picture. </p>
<p>Harvest, if that is what works with your family then yes, that’s what one should expect. Not all are like that though. My mom hates cut flowers, rarely likes cards, and she’d look at me like I had two heads if I gave her a cake. Yet, we have a relationship many would kill for. We just don’t show it with gifts. </p>
<p>Oh and we’ve never celebrated mothers day or father’s day. We chalk those up to hallmark holidays and don’t participate. Neither my parents nor I celebrate Valentine’s Day either. </p>
<p>All of that is to say that families are different. It isn’t “lame”. The OP was hurt and she expressed her feelings. I think that’s great even if I don’t understand the gift thing. </p>
<p>Oh and for sharing birthdays, my grandfather died on my third and my great grandmother on my 12th. Always a happy time in my family. <em>Happy birthday to me</em> (and I haven’t gotten anything other than a call on my birthday for years)</p>
<p>The mom is right to be miffed…She wrote, "These boys spend PLENTY of money on themselves and their girlfriends. "…so this is NOT a case of poor starving students or struggling young parents.</p>
<p>This is rather self-centered behavior…</p>
<p>notice that the boys have not suggested, “hey, I’m not into gift-giving, so don’t buy me anything anymore…just call and wish me a happy birthday and that will be cool.” </p>
<p>No, they’re being takers, not givers (except maybe to their GFs cuz we all know what kind of cold shoulder (er bed) they’d get if they didn’t buy for GFs.</p>
<p>When do the children get to change what they want or expect for holidays from the family? You can say that ‘in our family, we do send cards and exchange gifts on birthdays’ but when do the children get to change the rules? Maybe they don’t want to send cards or make calls for ‘Hallmark Holidays’. That’s okay with me.</p>
<p>In my family (growing up) the big celebration was a bakery cake, one present, no parties or other things. Why? Because our birthdays are all in clusters and it was too much all at once. For my own kids, one has a birthday a week before Christmas and the other in Jan., and we’ve pretty much kept celebrations to a minimum because we are just too busy (or tired of cake). My December girl is going to be in Nepal for her birthday this year, so she’ll get good wishes before she goes. The Jan one will be back in school for hers, and will enjoy celebrating with her new friends. For my birthday? I don’t care and genuinely enjoy the surprise of anything more than expecting something.</p>
<p>I am looking forward to hearing the sons’ responses to their mom’s email. Will they respond? Will they pretend that they never saw the email? Will they “step up” and make things right? </p>
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<p>My gift suggestions to the two sons to get for Conmama at #83 could be applied just as well to their GFs. </p>
<p>The response from the GFs would be unforgettable…to say the least. :D</p>
<p>I don’t think OP would be happy with a card or ice cream. Note the title. Note the mention in the email of money spent by the sons on themselves and their girlfriends. This mom wants stuff, despite her protests that it’s not about gifts, and woe betide these boys and their future brides if they don’t keep coming through. Sorry, gifts should be freely given from the heart, not demanded. Maybe the sons have their reasons for taking mom’s birthday more lightly them she’d like. Perhaps she should think about that. That email makes me cringe more each time I read it.</p>
<p>I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that we moms appreciate the personal and thoughtful gifts rather than anything purchased in a store. Last year for Christmas, my kids gave me a JC Penney portrait of themselves. D had gotten a Groupon for a free 8X10 so she dragged her little brother to the studio at Thanksgiving when he visited and they recreated a pose from when they were 6 and 3. It’s adorable and I have both pictures on display! It was free, but I appreciate the time and thought that went into it. </p>
<p>That being said, I don’t expect anything like that this Christmas. Just their presence, not presents!</p>
<p>Megpmom, the picture sounds great. For the record, I never suspected the OP was measuring her kids’ love for her by the expense of the gift. Had her kids acknowledged her with some thoughtfulness, it would have gone a long way. So many lovely gestures shown, like the FB pictures, the words in sand. I think the OP was looking for quality in the acknowledgment of her b/d. </p>
<p>Yes, @bookworm, exactly. I don’t appreciate being down right insulted by many if you whether you agree or not. It’s one thing to state a position and why…it’s another to insult someone you don’t know and make assumptions. Shame on you.</p>
<p>Conmama, I do think most of us understood exactly what you meant. Most offered examples of lovely things they received, even meals in bed, like the soggy cereal. I too cringe when I read 1 or 2 responses. </p>
<p>On thread of a less personal nature, e.g. the Google one, members examine words and innuendoes with pleasure. If you re-read threads when someone poses a question about their child, there will surely be some remark suggesting the OP is a “bad” parent. On the whole, most posters want to be helpful. I think your post touched a lot of feelings. Not so long ago, a thread on “worst gifts received” went on for pages. </p>
<p>Thanks @bookworm. I don’t really read alot of posts, and have found the ones I typically do read have responders that are lovely, warm and supportive. I’m just taken aback by some of the replies here. I didn’t realize there were attackers. I suppose that was naive. It will make me cautious as to what put out there in the future.</p>
<p>@roman if the common practice in your family is not to celebrate a birthday with a cake or anything else then that is great. There would be no reason for bruised feelings. It is the tradition in the OP’s family to commemorate those days so yes, I think it is lame. </p>
<p>Its fascinating to read the different family traditions. I also think there is a difference between boys and girls on this, but I could be wrong.</p>
<p>That said, one of my s’s is better at remembering birthdays/mothers day, etc than the other. One is good about getting a personal card and writing something very sweet. The other rarely sends a card, but will call. For things like mothers day, I will sometimes send an email/text or what have you, with “looking forward to talking to you tomorrow!” or some such gentle reminder. Older s, now engaged, has his fiancee to provide gentle reminding. Younger’s gf is in another city, so not sure how much she reminds him. I do have to laugh-- Older s and fiancee came in for a party we held. Gave us a thank you gift: A framed photo of themselves 
That said, I recently mentioned to DS that I needed something that he can get though his company at a discount. He ordered it and I want to pay him back but he wont let me. So I accept these kinds of gifts. I would love to get more on the actual day, but I admit to not being the best recipient of gifts. Older s got me a beautiful National Geographic set. I watched one. Ditto for Mad Men. I also blew it when he surprised me on mothers day once, so maybe they gave up. </p>
<p>That said- I am a big gift giver. Just shipped 16 lbs of gifts out to them to give to various folks at Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Bottom line. I agree, OP. It is important to let our family know how we feel, and you did a good job. But people don’t always treat us the way we treat them, but it doesn’t mean they care any less. Sounds like you have good sons. II’d give them an A for effort.</p>