@zipyourlips, if someone’s having fun with us, no harm no foul. All of their posts have resulted in threads that contain a lot of information that might be useful to someone else. If the OP really is going through everything they’ve posted they’re going through a tumultuous time and could use our support.
If I, as the grandmother, were to be looked to to raise this child, there is no way I could remain “neutral.” This kind of thing can turn out to have ramifications for the entire family. I don’t know that I agree that the decisions made are entirely the daughter’s. For one, the young father should have some say here as well. Not the deciding vote, because it’s not his body, but he should be included in discussions, imo.
This incredibly important personal decision is between you, your family, and your clergy and no one else. Good luck.
Welcome to the 21st century. Many of these decisions are NOT hers alone. A father has a lot of rights once termination is taken off the table. Whether he wants to pay child support may not be his decision. Adoption or the type of adoption will most likely need his consent. Marriage would most definitely require his consent.
Joint counseling is called for.
Agree but get to a doctor and confirm where she is in the pregnancy. I agree there probably isn’t 15 weeks if the ultimate decision is to terminate. Plus if that, she needs to get on birth control pronto.
True that the decision can impact the entire family. That said it will be important to support this young woman. How well the family does so will impact their relationship with each other. Two situations from my own family, created through adoption-
In one case, although the birth grandparents had wanted to raise the baby, once their daughter made her decision they supported her. The GP’s got to be there for the birth and we’ve had regular contact. We’ve flown out to visit the family and have had visits from them, including cousins. The relationship between the birthmother and her family is intact.
In another case the GP’s insisted on raising the child. That was at odds with what the parents wanted and at 3 weeks they “kidnapped” their child and brought them to the adoption agency. The birthparents and grandparents have no contact with each other and the grandparents have never met the child.
Also be aware that the birth father could fight an adoption if he and/or his family wish to raise the child with or without the mother. State laws differ on this.
I agree that the first step is to confirm the pregnancy and timing with her physician.
When my girls were younger, people used to joke about how it was harder to have girls because for fear of possible accidental pregnancy. I used to say to them that my girls could decide whether they wanted to be a mother or not (by having an abortion), but guys didn’t always have that option. They could become a father whether they wanted to or not, and they would be responsible for that baby forever. It was a sobering realization for a lot of my friends with boys.
I feel for what anyone in this situation is going through. My daughter went through this. She decided not to pursue her scholarship or try for a DII soccer college that was interested because of her boyfriend. She found out right after graduation she was pregnant and moved to Alabama with him. While there he physically abused her and after a few weeks she came home. We discussed all the options. She has a personality disorder that her birthmother and half brother also have so we discussed this too. Just prior to a final decision she had a miscarriage (doctor’s suspect rH incompatibility and told her to watch for that in the future). She got back together with boyfriend and he abused her again (She finally told me about the abuse then) and she finally kicked him out. She has since had two more abusive boyfriends, not been able to hold a job or go to school. It can be devastating, not just to the parents and the daughter and the baby but to any siblings. Her brother started acting out and did all sorts of things his Junior year that no one is proud of after all of this. Luckily his grades stayed up and he got his act together before his Sr. Year but that was a year and a half of hell for everyone. Hang in there. I won’t say it will all work out but hopefully it will. It is just for now the future is different than what he originally expected it to be. You are allowed to be sad that dream is gone but help build a new one.
This is what my high school/early college boyfriend tried to pull on me. Luckily, I was on birth control, demanded that we use condoms, and backed out of quickie marriage we had considered because he wasn’t ready for me to go to college.
There are lots of options. I hope people in this situation find the best one for them.
State laws may differ on process, but if the baby is carried to term, the father has rights in all states. He may have to take extra steps to establish paternity to preserve his rights. But if he is proactive, he and his family can definitely prevent an adoption if they are opposed to it.
“My opinion, which could well be very different from yours and your daughter’s, is that she shouldnt have a baby since she can’t provide for it/him/her (nor herself). And I really don’t think teenagers should have to go through the pain of adoption if it can be avoided.”
I’d argue that abortion can be just as painful depending on how you look at it. A 17/18 year old might be able to cope better knowing she gave up a child to have a better life than if she had the choice to do that and didn’t. Again, not everyone sees abortion the same way. They definitely shouldn’t “have to go through the pain of adoption”. But I feel like some teenagers would prefer it, especially if they’re somewhat religious.
Please, don’t reject Princeton! It is possible to have both, a baby, and a degree 
In may be much easier than you think
Her boyfriend can follow her to New Jersey and look for college / job there. If he wants to support her and be in her life, he should follow her.
Yes. A high school friend of one of my kids went through this with his parents and gained custody.
"My opinion, which could well be very different from yours and your daughter’s, is that she shouldn’t have a baby since she can’t provide for it/him/her (nor herself).
I fully agree this ^^. I saw one of my coworker’s daughter went through this, and it turned into a long term (and more children later) depending on her parent (single mom) for housing and free-day care. Are you (the OP) or the daughter willing to set the live back for 10 years. I don’t advocate for abortion since there are many families in the US are willing to adopt, and it is better for the child too if the young couple could barely taking care themselves (still students), let alone taking others. If you ask the school early for a gap year, it might be able to save a space for your daughter for next class, and meanwhile she can give birth to the child for adoption.
Sure it most likely would be traumatic, but so are a lot of other things that 18 y/o kids often have to deal with. Some of the alternatives are also traumatic. I don’t this kind of “advice” is helpful. I couldn’t possibly assume that I might know what a complete stranger should do in this situation. The best support strangers can give is to educate the OP as to what ALL of the options are, the various resources available, and to let her and her daughter figure it out based on their personal circumstances.
@Nrdsb4 and @twoinanddone Perhaps you missed this portion of my post. “You might also need to consult a lawyer about what his rights are and what needs to be done.”
This thread is confusing. Princeton has single choice early action, not ED. In another thread , on January 22, the OP said her daughter was already accepted to Virginia Tech . The only VT results that are already out are ED ones and that is binding . You can apply to a public school , per Princeton, as long as the school has a non binding admissions policy.
^^^Yes, that is a little confusing. Hmmmmm…
I think our chain is being pulled. Hope this good advice helps someone who needs it.