Time will tell @Aollie24 , but someone smart enough for USC, the stamina of a D1 athlete, and reasonable amount of respect for her family’s circumstance, is likely to be just fine. It is normal to have a little anxiety about the future during life transitions. There is nothing impeding you right now from having a great experience with your next few years.
They say wisdom is the product of experience and intelligence. Welcome to the experience years. By the way, I think it would be sweet if my daughter gave me a coupon book.
A more appropriate behavior would be to say - dad, in addition to the $100/month car payment you are asking of me, I think I should pay the car insurance, gas and maintenance. Since this is new to me, can you help me get a sense as to how this all works?
“Dad, I’ll just hurt your feelings and blow more of your money to prove the point that I really care about you and understand the value of money” is nonsensical.
“When the lease term expires, she may find it more prudent to purchase or lease (a lease can be a reasonable decision at a particular time) a less expensive car. Car costs eat up a large percentage of a young person’s income”
That happened naturally to me. I went from an Audi (my college graduation gift, though purchased, not leased) to a Honda Civic purchased with my own money. No harm no foul. The luxury of the actual car is not the issue. It is the attitude with which she approaches the luxury.
To the OP’s original question, my parents stopped supporting me financially after they wrote the last tuition check for school. A kind aunt actually loaned me 3k so I could have cash for an apartment (first and last month’s rent plus security deposit) while waiting for my first paycheck.
My parents have continually supported my oldest sister throughout her life, however. She’s now in her 50’s and I just saw on her FB that she’s on vacation (on a tropical island) with my parents. I’m sure they paid her way including air, food, hotel. She’s never learned to stand on her own two feet, and in fact never expressed any interest in doing so. So at least you’re one step ahead of my sister!
My D is a freshman now, but I expect we’ll help her with rent until she’s self-supporting. As a parent I’d rather kick in some money for her to live in a decent place in a safe neighborhood rather than a fleabag in a sketchy area. We’ll have to play that one by ear when the time comes though.
Dh and I still exchange coupons for gifts, and I received one from one of my kids on my last birthday. All were for things that took time and effort but very little, if any, money. Those are still my favorite presents. I’m sure the OP’s dad loved the gift.
OP, it’s not unusual for some people to panic a little when they’re about to go through a major transition. One of my kids did despite being very bright and having a good understanding of personal finance on a theoretical level. She’s always been tough on herself and was concerned she’d somehow fail at being an adult. Once she accepted her first post-college job offer, we ran the numbers together and she felt much better.
One suggestion, although you may not need it: don’t share any personal financial information with friends or coworkers. When/if you reach a point in a relationship where you’re thinking of cohabiting with a SO, then it’s time to talk frankly with that individual but not before, IMHO. Envy can cause a lot of problems. Even without D1 sharing anything, one of the guys in her group of friends was always mooching from everyone but especially from her. He felt entitled to have them pay for him because unlike the others he hadn’t gotten a good job after graduation and he was bitter. When she refused to pay his way any longer (after treating a few times) he was angry. It would have been worse had he known anything about her personal business.
And people wonder why upper income parents don’t want to share their financial details w their kids… look at the ENTITLEMENT response it provoked. OP starts a thread to rant that dad who pays ALL her expenses at age 24 is making her pay 100 bucks of her lease for a brand new high end car.
That’s not fair. She started it to ask when did parents stop supporting their kids financially, and said that she knew the gravy train was going to have to end because she was scared and it was unfamiliar to her. She’s trying to jump start becoming an adult. Her father is likely well intended but he hasn’t given clear direction on when / how he intends the break to occur.
If someone hasn’t been taught how to manage money, learning to do it for the first time can be scary.
I think the merger of the threads confuses things. In the one I responded to, it was quite clear she was ashamed of having a tantrum and wanted to know how to do better, and gratefully accepted advice.
You can’t blame someone for being entitled if that’s all they know.
@Pizzagirl
I agree. The merger of 2 threads w very different tones has really confused things. There was no contrite “coupon book” in the thread I originally followed.
FYI
Some thoughts:
-The father has only himself to blame for fostering this dependency situation
Bad idea for the high-income father to disclose his salary to daughter
Unless both kids learn to stand entirely on their own 2 feet, I see troubles w future partners over money
Will someone please help me understand something? (Truly - not being snarky.) Maybe it’s because of the merged threads, but earlier I saw the part quoted above “As a doctor, I guess he makes $35,000 a MONTH! (Close to 400K a year)” as a guess on the OP’s part and don’t know on what info she based it. I did not see where the OP was told, or overheard or read over her father’s shoulder, how much he earns. It all appears to me to be conjecture and it could be quite wrong. Maybe he earns less and maybe he earns far more, but I didn’t see where it was disclosed to her.
I did not understand the statement “I wanted personal info on what that income means” but perhaps the OP was trying to gain some perspective. The OP’s comment about what she anticipates earning in the near future seem highly optimistic to me, but I don’t know the salary range for her field.
The OP assumes that her father earns a significant amount and can easily afford to spend a great deal on his children. Until recently, it seems he hasn’t indicated anything to the contrary. She’s unfamiliar with budgeting or living on limited income, but is aware that needs to change. I don’t think that makes her a bad person. Some people have to deal with financial realities at an earlier age than others, but that doesn’t mean the ones who receive parental assistance as young adults have character flaws.
@Aollie24 I disagree with those who say this is an entitlement rant or you should return anything. Your post resonates with me as a parent and I appreciate insight to the other side–that of the child of an affluent parent(s). My plan is to fund 100% of expenses through graduation (undergrad, grad, etc.) but at a reduced lifestyle and with certain expectations (as it is a privilege and not a right). After graduation, I imagine I will contribute to a lesser degree but my children will still greatly benefit from what I have/choose to give. No magic cutoff, but I’m probably along the WB philosophy of give them enough so they feel they can do anything but not enough to do nothing. They will have incredible advantages and opportunities, but the rest is up to them. The goal is to ensure a gift doesn’t turn into a curse.
In your father’s case, I think he is expressing the pressure he feels to maintain his and other’s lifestyles. If someone I loved expressed this, I would take it very seriously, and it sounds as if that is the basis for your question(s). My advice is to reiterate to him how much you love and appreciate HIM (not just his financial support) and ask for his advice about moving toward independence. I bet his advice will be more valuable than his money. I personally think your assumptions and fears show naivety more than pervasive ungratefulness. Yes, it sounds like you threw a little tantrum. Welcome to the club. Surely no one here is claiming that they and/or their children have never. Just grow from the experience. Also, it sounds like your father wants to be your safety net instead of your life support. I don’t think you have anything to fear but fear itself. And don’t underestimate how great it feels to accomplish something on your own.
This thread wasn’t started by a 14 year old child.
You think a 24 year old ADULT throwing a tantrum over the terms of a generously subsidized, brand new, high end car, and stressing over whether she can survive WITH daddy’s continued financial support (father still supporting the 27 year old brother who has a good job) doesn’t constitute a character flaw?
@GMTplus7 I don’t think it constitutes a character flaw any more than your judgmental/high horse post. Hopefully both just a one off. I think this thread demonstrates the complexities of affluent parenting.
I think the OP’s dad gave that monthly amount to the car salesmen when they were finalizing the leading paperwork, and the OP was in the room. I personally think it was a mistake for the dad to say this in front of her. She did say she had a tantrum over being required to pay for part of the lease – possibly an understandable reaction from a teenager, but very immature from a 24 year old. But the bottom line to me is that the OP is an adult, and her dad’s money is not her money. She needs to figure out a budget and start paying her own way in the lifestyle she can afford.
basically you start working and your dad doesn’t pay for anything anymore except for family vacations, family dinners out, or birthday gifts.
I know many kids who end up being dependent on their well-to-do parents into their mid-30s, working part time, and playing around and taking monthly allowances and its whittling down the retired parent’s nest egg. I also know other kids from well to do parents who are forced to stand on their 2 feet. The independent ones are happier. The dependent ones act like birds with severely clipped wings and are all depressed.
I am a physician too. I’ve never bought my kids a car, they just get to drive our leftover cars if DH or I buy a new one for ourselves.
The MDs we know have all had their kids pay their own expenses as early as said kids can do so. They don’t get their adult kids high end new cars, period, even if said kids pay $100/month toward the lease. Having too much car raises insurance premiums and is just one more thing to maintain.
These “kids” are living their own lives within their means. They all seem pretty happy and independent to me.
Edit to add:
Op, As for your question about timing of cutting the financial finding, We will be stopping the kiddos funds after they graduate college and are earning a bit more than say $9/hr (both want to go into entertainment industry). And kiddos will have to pay for their own grad school, should they choose to go. We had to pay for private k-12 already.