Thank you
@aollie24:
I think you have gotten a lot of valuable advice, and I suspect your dad wants to be generous, I think his exasperation, having re-read the thread, was maybe that you balked at him leasing you that particular car… You could well be correct with why your dad does what he does, that he could be being generous to replace the time he could be spending with you. Being a doctor can mean a lot of hours, depends on what field he is in and so forth, and while I am not a doctor and wouldn’t claim what I do has life or death implications, it takes a lot of hours, it takes away from my personal time most certainly, so I know what that is like. I know what it is like to be caught up in things, and it can cause a lot of guilt.
Outside of the whole job/money thing, can I suggest something? You may want to have a sit down with your dad, tell him you appreciate all he does, but tell him what you just said on this board, that what would be more valuable would be to have some time with him. Not everything a doctor does is necessarily life or death, and unless he works 24/7 there has to be time in there, and there has to be a time where his family should come in front of his being a doctor. I think you should have a talk with him, and tell him that right now you are going through a major time in your life, a big transition, and that the most valuable thing he can give you would be time and advice, on handling that transition. It won’t be easy, and to be honest sometimes work can be an excuse not to deal with difficult things, but obviously your dad loves you, and I can’t see any parent who does turning you down. It is all great and good to get advice from us old crocks on here (and some of the younger ones, too lol), but I think your dad if you make the effort to get him to talk to you, would be flattered if you ask his advice, the way you have us. I think he will be very proud if you tell him that you are grateful for everything he has done, and likely will continue to do, but that you want to start putting together a plan for your life, to be able to stand on your own and so forth. To be honest, I suspect he already is proud of you, even when parents get mad at their kids, they don’t stop being proud, I promise you (and dealing with an artistic type, there are times we want to kill him, but we never stop being proud of him!), so I don’t think you have to worry about that, he may not come out and say it, but I bet he is proud of you. I think you showing the maturity to plan for the future, to get on your own two feet, is going to re-inforce his pride in you, but I think you already have that.
I don’t recall the OP “ranting” that her Dad was making her pay 100 bucks of the lease. I thought she admitted that she had thrown a tantrum about the particular car he was getting for her. It wasn’t the one she’d had her eye on (and I didn’t even see that her preferred car was more expensive, simply a different one, but maybe it was).
She also said from the get go that she was in the wrong for doing that, and that she felt remorse and shame about it.
Thank you guys. I am willing to sit down and talk to my dad. But @musicprnt, as you said, “unless he works 24/7, there is no reason why he can’t sacrifice some time.” The thing is, to me, he does work 24/7. Every day he wakes up at 5:30 am, goes to work until 2 p.m., then does chores and completes work from home until he goes to taekwondo, then either goes back 2 work, or is on the phone, or practices taekwondo where he is about to be a candidate for a black belt. Timing is ALWAYS an issue. Every day when i get home, and I’ve only been here five days just for a week, he will walk in the door, and barely get to say hi. Then two seconds later, a nurse calls. Then 30 seconds later, someone else calls. It goes on and on and on. Then sometimes, when i am in the other room, I think he is trying to talk to me, but it turns out he is talking on the phone. I know he means well. But, this whole break he’s been like “lets watch a movie at 6!” and it’ll be after 7, and I’ll be waiting, and he’ll say “two more minutes!” then it’ll be 7:10, and I’ll still be waiting. Even when we go to a movie, he’ll be texting, or if we are watching a movie at home with the family, he’ll still be on the phone. Talked to my mom about it, and she said “why are you so surprised? That’s how hes been for the last 25 years.” And if I did have time, it would be later at night. I stay up late, but of course he has 2 get up early. So I can’t really disturb him.
So i get let down a lot. He makes a lot of promises. But with his schedule, i understand. donno. Just want to go back to school now. Which I will on Sunday…
So its not about the car. I am so grateful. But like i said, time is what I want the most.
^^^ I see this with a lot of physicians. I call it “adult parallel play” i.e. they are right there in the house near you but not WITH you. I suspect bearing near you but not always with you has been the compromise he has been willing to accept all these years in order to have some semblance of life/work balance.
He sounds like a good guy. Maybe pull him aside and gently let him know you would like this to change a bit; you understand he has to be available, but is there a way where you could work it out to have some undivided time and attention?
I applaud you for wanting to grow up. Your norm is not really the norm for most kids and I think you realize it. I think in some aspects it is harder for kids who have had an amazing upbringing…your level of living will most assuredly not be what you are accustomed to. It will be hard for your parents to not try and fill in that gap and it will be hard for you not to want that gap filled! Strive to be independent, pay your own way and forge a new normal with your dad. Good luck!
Post #24 you wrote
Yeah… Well that was in the summer. He took a month off one time. Want to know how many days he’s going to have off for the months of March, April, May, and June??! Zero. He is also 57.
I think she might have meant that she had that many (40) call backs, not firm offers. Generally once an offer is made there’s a limited time to accept, or not-- and I can’t believe that a young person has 40 “offers” and hasn’t yet accepted one. Unless that is 40 offers she turned down because she is holding out for something better…
And @calmom, you are correct. I was offered that amount of job interviews, not solid job offers yet. But a lot of times they are in places which are far from me so I cannot magically turn up for an in person interview, especially because I’m still in school.
OK – if you haven’t had much experience with job hunting, keep in mind that an interview is very different from an offer. You may easily end up interviewing for dozens of jobs before getting an offer, depending on how competitive the employment field. So you have look at the job-hunting process as also part of the learning experience.
I’m sure you will find work – obviously the master’s degree is an asset! – just that a request for an interview only means you are in the running after an initial screen. The people doing the screening are often different from the people making the hiring decisions in the end, so it really doesn’t mean much, other than if you send out 100 resumes and get 40 request for interviews, it means you are doing a really good job of targeting the right types of jobs. So that’s a good start.
I was perplexed how a job applicant could net 40 firm job OFFERS after investing only 10 hours of filling out applications. Each job move takes me months of queries & applications and then travel for site visits & interviews, followed by negotiations for compensation.
Then for a 24 year old adult child who doesn’t even have a job yet, it’s really not constructive for a parent who is trying to foster the child’s independence to saddle the adult child with a long term car lease for a high end car for which child only has to contribute a niggling fraction. What is the message parent is sending to adult child???
@GMTplus7 Not sure I see the value in judging anyone. Wish we could all be so perfect. I’m assuming dad is doing his best and like the rest of us is making some mistakes along the way.
@Aollie24, @Pizzagirl giving some solid relatable advice regarding independence in your particular situation. Keep communication lines open with dad about time.
@GMTplus7 what is your problem? My dad leased me a car. you are being a bully @ this point & id like you 2 stop.
so thats your experience with your job interviews. Not mine. actually, i have a 2nd interview w. the 2nd biggest talent agency in the area next week. W/ this interview comes negotiations. “When people say you can’t show em you can.” 
@GMTplus7
@GMTplus7 Not sure I see the value in judging anyone. Wish we could all be so perfect. I’m assuming dad is doing his best and like the rest of us is making some mistakes along the way.
@twicearound thank u!!!
@calmmom I get the difference
Id be happy to forward the emails from the employers but why bother? I know what I’ve been offered, I know what’s in my heart and how im trying to improve. If anything, the undercutting comments just make me want it that much more. But to the supporters, thank you all so much.
You need to learn about household budgets and begin to track all your spending. Every single dime.
This should be your first step on your road to independence as you keep looking for a job.
http://budgeting.thenest.com/live-50k-year-20037.html
http://www.forbes.com/2010/06/08/budgeting-young-adults-personal-finance-spending.html
http://www.kiplinger.com/tool/spending/T007-S001-budgeting-worksheet-a-household-budget-for-today-a/