<p>I sympathize with the parents. I would not want mixed grandchildren.</p>
<p>You may all be missing the most important point here. She’s not even in college yet, so she’s under age 18. That means her parents do get to make decisions that affect her life. Their ultimatum may not even be about race but the amount of time and attention she is paying to her boyfriend over her schooling. Without knowing more information, such as her parents’ real position about this I’d suggest an alternative I haven’t seen here. Stop dating but remain friends. If the relationship is strong it will survive anything. Even if they continue dating, if she moves away to college, there will be strains on the relationship. High school romances rarely result in marriage. Most of them break up due to changes in the people as they mature. If they can remain friends for four years, when she graduates college, supports herself and her parents no longer have a say in what she does she can date anyone she pleases.</p>
<p>this is also true.</p>
<p>please do not do anything to shatter your relationship with your parents until AFTER you have milked them of at least 100k. after that, yell all you like. you need to be very careful in this. i do not agree with your parents, but this is the situation you are in and you need to deal with it carefully–and it’s only temporary! once you are away from home, you don’t need to worry about any of their opinions.</p>
<p>is this really the forum for this? is this a jerry springer approved site? the real question is: what is the boyfriends sat scores and class rank? does he have any relevant ec’s beyond dating? what kind of financial aid would i get if i emancipated myself from my parents? this really isn’t the forum for this. if you’re sad, see a shrink or hit the bottle like everyone else.</p>
<p>Firstly, while Vinny phrased his ideas in a very blunt/abrasive way, he has a definite point. If you want your parents to pay for your education, you play by their rules. Their rules in this case are bigoted, backwards and utterly harsh, but that’s the way it is.</p>
<p>This leaves you with a couple of options:</p>
<p>1) Go along with their wishes, break up with him, and finish college. Yes, it isn’t the most idealistic, but welcome to the real world. Contrary to what others have said, you’re not compromising your ideals in the long term to go along with your parents now, when the alternative is so difficult.</p>
<p>2) See him in secret. Yes, it might be degrading to him, but certainly no worse than the situation now, and I’m sure he would understand the circumstances you’re in. If you love each other enough, this could be a good route.</p>
<p>3) Say “screw you” to you parents, and pay yourself through college while continuing to see your boyfriend. This has the downside of incurring large debts to you, which will take years to pay off, and furthermore you may not even end up staying with him.</p>
<p>Personally, if I were you, I would see him in secret. However, if that’s not really an option, frankly, I would break up with him. Sometimes, parents make you do things you don’t necessarily want to and probably shouldn’t do. It sucks and is wrong, but sometimes you must deal with it. It doesn’t make you any worse a person to say “you know what, I cannot pay this on my own reasonably, and so despite my disagreement with my parents’ stance, I have to follow it.” Reality always comes idealism.</p>
<p>As for making yourself feel better about it, try to remember how much you were forced into taking a path you didn’t want to take. Don’t be sad, if anything, be mad at your parents. And have a frank discussion with them about it - try to find out their motivations for their stance, so that even if you can’t change it they know exactly what you think about it. Clean the air.</p>
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<p>Hmm…ok. Let’s see here. Could you care to explain why you wouldn’t want mixed grandchildren? You must have some sort of logical reason.</p>
<p>“Go along with their wishes, break up with him, and finish college. Yes, it isn’t the most idealistic, but welcome to the real world. Contrary to what others have said, you’re not compromising your ideals in the long term to go along with your parents now, when the alternative is so difficult.”</p>
<p>One doesn’t get a free pass to dump one’s values when the alternatives are difficult. Indeed, a test of one’s values is whether one is willing to stand by them in difficult situations.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this was asked/answered earlier, but would the two of you get be attending the same college?</p>
<p>I think the parents may be a little scared. I really do not think they would withhold a college education from their daughter.
It is difficult to be in a interracial dating/marriage situation, but of course love is something that we can’t control.
I am the Mother of a 17 year old college bound biracial (white and black) daughter and I could not be more proud of who she is. Smart, Atletic, Beautiful and a good loving person.
BTW, I am now married to a white man. It has nothing to do with my parents or anyone else I just never choose a spouse/boyfriend by the color of their skin.</p>
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I would want white grandkids. Take your nose out of that book. It’s common sense.</p>
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Figures, it’s cause you’re from Texas.</p>
<p>On a serious note, your reason doesn’t really answer the request. You were asked to give a logical reason as to why. Why exactly would you want white grandkids? And what makes that common sense?</p>
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<p>I didn’t “really answer the request”? Here is my answer - I am white. I want white kids, I want those kids to marry white kids, and I want white grandchildren. What is wrong with that? I think people should stick to their own kind. Whites marry Whites, Asians marry Asians, Jews marry Jews, Blacks marry Blacks, etc.</p>
<p>Why do you call me out because I am from Texas? Why is bias against Southerners is the last “socially acceptable” prejudicial opinion commonly accepted. I do not hate anyone. What do you want me to say? “Oh, I am from Massachusetts and think a man in love with his pet iguana should get a civil union because it is LUUUUVVVVV!!! Follow your heart!” Come on, now. You probably believe that spanking your children is bad because it promotes violence, and that bathrooms should be gender neutral. I’m politically incorrect, and guess what, so is the real world!!!</p>
<p>I think the OP should ask her parents why they want the relationship ended. Is it as simple as her family is white and her boyfriend is black? Or is it because he is not the type of gentlemen they would prefer her to be dating on account of another reason. I wouldn’t want my daughter dating a drugdealer, regardless of race. I wouldn’t want my daughter dating a gang member. Perhaps the boyfriend is one of these two things? Does the boy have a future? Most 17-year-old romances are trite and will end soon enough that throwing your future away over would be ridiculous. Look how well it worked for Romeo and Juliet, nerds.</p>
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<p>If its not because he’s black then it has to be because he’s a drug dealer or gang member, right? You are ridiculous and sentiments like that are plain stupid and uneducated. You are racist, admit it, move on, and stop trying to cloak your beliefs by making it universal, you could care less what everyone else does, as long as they dont get near whites.</p>
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<p>People should stick to their own kind? That’s a very primitive outlook on relationships. It’s your opinion, but I believe that type of mentality is what breeds racism. </p>
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<p>No. Just wanted you to give a logical reason for your obvious bias aganist interracial relationships. However, it seems that you can’t.</p>
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<p>You don’t even know who this person is and you’ve already accused him of being a drug-dealer or a gang-member based on his race. Here’s a piece of information for you: Not all African-Americans are drug-dealers/gang-members. This is precisely the preconceived prejudice that fuels racism. Obviously, this isn’t confined to white people. Every race does this to some extent. This is one of the reasons why I think interracial relationships/interactions will help destroy these barriers.</p>
<p>Note #2: Again, where does she mention that she is white? :rolleyes:
Note #3: Anybody of any race could be Jewish.</p>
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<p>you’re completely right, woodford, and that also allows us to be politically incorrect and call you out as Texan.
logic’s a SOB isn’t it.</p>
<p>Funny thing is that I wasn’t being serious about the Texan thing. Thats why I immediately said, “on a serious note,…” I guess I pressed the right buttons.</p>
<p>I didn’t “really answer the request”? Here is my answer - I am white. I want white kids, I want those kids to marry white kids, and I want white grandchildren. What is wrong with that? I think people should stick to their own kind. Whites marry Whites, Asians marry Asians, Jews marry Jews, Blacks marry Blacks, etc.</p>
<p>Genetic diversity is a good thing.</p>
<p>um, is the Original Poster still even here? (pink_martini, are you there??)</p>
<p>sorry…
yes i am here…as someone else on this thread pointed out it is true: just bc he is black doesnt mean that hes a drug dealer/gang member…in fact we went to the same high school (private prep school) and he goes to a very respectable college and comes from a very respectable family (his parents are both doctors)…and if you are all so interested in knowing i myself am latina and not white…my parents in fact are not of the same race themeselves…so yes it IS solely bc theyre racist against blacks…
i appreciate the comments even though i dont agree with many of them, the decision has already been made…altho i do sincerely love him my love for an education is much stronger which is why i chose college over him, and in his case…his dignity and self-respect is much stronger than his love for me which is why he really doesnt wish to be kept a secret…so…it was just meant to be this way and altho its still difficult to deal with it all i suppose only time will make it all heal…i have already got a job so that i can free myself from my parents financially as soon as possible…</p>
<p>“altho i do sincerely love him my love for an education is much stronger which is why i chose college over him,”</p>
<p>I’m glad that the 2 of you aren’t together any more because it’s clear that you really didn’t love him that much, and that he could do much better in choosing a girlfriend. It’s not that you love education more than him. There are many ways that you could have chosen to get an education without your parents’ support. What you love is being able to easily get an education. That’s what you love more than your boyfriend.</p>
<p>If what you felt really was love, you would have stood up to your parents and taken the consequences. There are plenty of people who go to college without parental support. There’s also a big chance that if you had stood up to them, your parents would have backed down from their ridiculous demand. I imagine that your parents take a lot of pride in sending you to college, and would have been very embarassed if you had had to drop out because they refused to pay for your college due to your boyfriend’s color.</p>
<p>I know an interacial couple who have been married for more than 25 years even though the female’s wealthy parents disowned her for deciding to marry a black man.</p>
<p>I know a man whose parents threatened to disown him because they didn’t like the college that he chose (and that he had gotten scholarships to attend). They stopped speaking to him for the last months that he was in high school, and they refused to drive him to college. Still, he stuck with his choice, and at his graduation, they threw him a party and publicly said they had been wrong.</p>