<p>dke, I don’t! My DD has been in college for only about three months though, but I’m quite confident she won’t relent any time soon.</p>
<p>mathmom said:</p>
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<p>I have a very wise friend who has a D. He told her that if she had to take a substance to “be in the mood” or “wanna,” then she wasn’t in the mood and didn’t wanna. Oh, how true.</p>
<p>mathmom– you have hit on a very real subject and problem that should be trumpeted to all our sons.</p>
<p>Since I believe that children learn by example, I wonder if mothers and fathers of sons and daughters need to teach by example that substance consumption is not a necessary prerequisite to sex.</p>
<p>IF a girl has told her mom that she won’t have sex until she is married, and mom is like, woohoo and confident she won’t “relent” yet statistics show that most do “relent” do you think the girl wil go hey mom, got it on last night!!! hooked up with Bob!!!</p>
<p>Would the girl felt like she disappointed her parent or let herself down by “relenting”</p>
<p>If 80% plus break the pledge…</p>
<p>07DAD, usually I find just the opposite (I guess it’s okay to say that on the parent’s page). Two drinks and I’m out for the night…</p>
<p>Absolutely! </p>
<p>I have had numerous discussions of moms with sons, and some have come to the conclusion that it is not always the boys that initiate sex, it’s very often the girls, even if the boys don’t want it for whatever reason (not attracted to her, homosexuality, etc.) I found that a bit hard to believe, that boys would actually refuse sex, as I thought boys would ‘take’ anything, but being female, who am I to know. I do find it unfair, when boys are blamed for sexual encounters that are regretted later, when it takes two to tango- barring, of course, rape.</p>
<p>cross-posted with citygirlsmom and ebeeeee</p>
<p>QUESTION TO THE OP: </p>
<p>Are you still there? Are you still reading this?</p>
<p>Right now I think it’s a lot of us just weighing in on subjects which we’re all really expert in: sex and being parents/kids.</p>
<p>It’s fascinating and could go on for thousands of posts, I am sure, but is the OP still reading? ;)</p>
<p>Oh my - I’m weighing in on something I don’t even remember - virginity. My D is right - I’ll argue about anything.</p>
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<p>This is absolutely correct, I find that females are more likely to initiate sexual intercourse than men are, at least that has been my personal experience. But statistically speaking, even if there is consent, and the female initiates, all she needs to do is cry wolf and the male is automatically presumed guilty of rape. That is something that is very unfortunate.</p>
<p>"They went to homecoming together, they spend loads of time together, he gives her gifts, and does a million things to keep her pining for him. In fact, homecoming felt so much like a date to her that she cried for months because he was not “really” her boyfriend.'</p>
<p>Some, including the OP, have suggested that the guy is stringing the girl along. It could be quite the opposite. </p>
<p>I agree with the poster who said that giving someone gifts, hanging out with someone, and even going to a formal with them doesn’t mean that a guy is treating a girl like a girlfriend.</p>
<p>I have seen this with S, who did these things with girls who were good friends, not his girlfriend. However, despite S’s never thinking of the girls as girlfriends and not flirting with the girls, etc., the girls (who, incidentally, asked S to the formals) were heartbroken when after the formal, S didn’t become their boyfriend.</p>
<p>If one has a crush on another person, any kindness the other person does can add to one’s hopes that the crush will be reciprocated. As is the case with probably most adults here, I’ve been on both sides of those situations.</p>
<p>In the OP’s situation, sure the guy could be gay. He also could be someone who takes romance seriously and hasn’t yet met a girl whom he wanted to date. (H was like that. Didn’t start dating until he was about a junior in college). Or he could be so serious about his religion and his plans to be a missionary that he’s deliberately avoiding romance until he’s closer to the age that he plans to marry. He hangs out with the OP’s D because she’s his best friend. Period.</p>
<p>wow for the first time in a long time, I am finding cgm and I agree. </p>
<p>alot of this is just stuff to feed the guilt monster society puts on women. The things that dictate virginity are really from an era where women were nothing more than property. A thing. My D is a person, I love the person she is and it’s her business, her body, and dam, I didn’t raise a piece of property for someone else to decide if she is worthy or not based on her vagina… </p>
<p>to me, a bigger disappointment would be in her marrying a guy, who so strongly believed that marrying a virgin (I don’t know and don’t care either way) was the right thing to do. That would disappoint me more than her chastity preservation. What other issues will that turkey have? Will she be allowed to work? wear shoes? have outside interests? boggles the mind. </p>
<p>A caring spouse means someone who doesn’t care about such things… who doesn’t dwell on the past and is smart enough to realize the future is together and that’s really what matters…</p>
<p>Hey Bedhead, just stopped in to let you and the rest know that I am reading all of this over my dinner. I am digesting all of this with my food. I appreciate all of the posts.</p>
<p>Me: “I think that the best things that we can send our kids away with are: self knowledge that allows them to make thoughtful decisions about their lives, including sex; knowledge about sex, birth control, and sexual fulfillment, including valuing sex as more than something that one does for animal release.”</p>
<p>URIA702: “Let’s be honest with ourselves, that is extremely unrealistic. Regardless of what you tell your son or daughter about sex, they will make their own choices, usually based on how attracted they are to someone. Most college guys (especially good looking ones) are usually not looking to have serious relationships, just flings with random girls, the more the merrier…”</p>
<p>URIA702: You totally missed my point. I agree that young men and women will make their own choices. However, I think that if parents have done what I have suggested, those choices will be far less likely to include things like unprotected sex and drunken hook-ups with people they met that night.</p>
<p>"As a male I have a very difficult time believing that a college guy will pass up sex in order to respect a females decision to wait for marriage. It would be extremely rare to go throughout college sexually inactive. "</p>
<p>Back when I was in college and immediately afterward-- which was in those halcyon pre-AIDS days of the sexual revolution, I knew some guys who were like the above. The guys were neither ugly nor gay. One had been very sexually active including with his girlfriend and her friends (!), got “saved” by a conservative religion, and then stopped even passionately kissing his girlfriend until they got married. As far as I know, they’re still married.</p>
<p>Another was an athlete who was planning to be a minister in a conservative faith. He didn’t have sex until a couple of years after college when he was in a serious relationship (and no longer planned to enter the ministry).</p>
<p>I also know guys who turned down sex. Most of the time, the reason was due to their not having birth control. Sometimes, too, the guys didn’t want to have meaningless sex with the local Pass Around Pat with low self esteem who happened to display a momentary interest in them because the guys had displayed some normal kindness to the woman. </p>
<p>I also do know some guys who valued their relationships so much that they did abstain from sex until they married their girlfriend, who wished to be a virgin at marriage.</p>
<p>Not every guy – including good looking ones – is out to use sex as sport.</p>
<p>most people do NOT marry their first…and more often than not, when many people Do have sex for the first time, it IS with someone they really care about</p>
<p>my D may or may not be having sex with her BF- its not my business…in may not be true love and soulmates stuff, or it may SEEM to be, but so long as they care about each other, are careful, i would not presume to get in her business…they may last a long time, or, they may not…and if they ARE having sex…right now it is with someone they love…</p>
<p>“my D may or may not be having sex with her BF- its not my business…in may not be true love and soulmates stuff, or it may SEEM to be, but so long as they care about each other, are careful, i would not presume to get in her business…they may last a long time, or, they may not…and if they ARE having sex…right now it is with someone they love…”</p>
<p>This is exactly my view on the subject.</p>
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<p>What do you mean by “teasing”? Is a heavy make-out session teasing? It’s a shame if that can’t fit into the spectrum of sexual expression without some sort of obligation for more. Perhaps I’m misinterpreting.</p>
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<p>I did not say or imply that ever guy is out to do that, just that I have time believing that they aren’t. I just feel that the subjects of your rebuttal seem too convenient to be true, and if it is true, which is can be, it is a very small minority of college age men. </p>
<p>I’m sure it is very difficult to picture your children in this situation, but convincing yourself that your child is abstaining because they are all high and mighty is the wrong way to deal with it. The right way is to raise awareness on STD’s and pregnancy and make sure if they are going to do it, which they pretty inevitable will fairly often, they should be practicing proper means of protection.</p>
<p>Sure, sometimes guys turn down sex cause they are not sexually attracted to a girl because they feel she is skanky, or whatever the reason may be, but this generally not the case. Bringing up specific examples of people you know is irrelevant, I am speaking in terms of majorities, not specific folks who don’t follow the norm. There are exceptions to every rule, and this would be no different.</p>
<p>Wow, MomOFour, I missed that. Someone said that???</p>
<p>Does that mean that when a girl and boy are making out, she cannot decide where to draw the line? That once they get to a certain point, she is then irreversibly commited to intercourse?</p>
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<p>While I do agree that many young females can be extremely manipulative, I find that statement a bit disrespectful. It brings nothing to the debate and there is no need to be condescending. Many will find that offensive. I do agree but perhaps rewording it in a different way would be more appropriate.</p>
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<p>I believe the poster meant that women can be extremely manipulative, and will use their sex appeal to play games with men. This just makes the guys more aggressive. Young women can be extremely kinky, and this does cause guys to push for intercourse.</p>
<p>Quote:
“Are there ANY mothers of daughters out there who don’t assume that their daughters will lost their virginity within 6 months of starting college?”</p>
<p>Yes, lots. Because many of us have raised our daughters with the self confidence to make good decisions about when they are ready for an intimate relationship.</p>