<p>This is just the problem I’ve been pondering. S1 and DIL not yet sure if ceremony will be in the Catholic church. She doesn’t want a large gap and neither do I. However, Sat. mass is at 4:30. If one needs 2 hours? to have the wedding and clear the church, it seems the wedding would need started before 2. Not even sure the church would do it that late. </p>
<p>If they are having a reception with dinner/music, do those ever start mid-afternoon? The ones I’ve attended have been early evening when they started.</p>
<p>I really think that a large gap is unacceptable. Can you have the wedding at 11 and do an early afternoon luncheon reception right afterward? I think those are perfectly pleasant, and certainly include music and dancing and so forth. (They are also easier for people who are driving up to a couple of hours and not staying over.)</p>
<p>BTW, a bit shaky on my Detroit-are geography and driving distances, but you could pleasantly kill a number of hours visiting Henry Ford Village or Meadow Brook Hall (I know that is north of the city…).</p>
<p>I had never been to a wedding with that kind of gap until I went to one of my college friend’s in Ohio in the 80’s. It was ridiculous long wait… and boring… and everyone tired and over it before the reception began. Went to another in Atlanta, but in that case, it was wedding and then a nice little holding party (think extended cocktail party) and then the reception at the bride’s home for dinner etc. Weirdly, it turned out to have a lovely pace overall.</p>
<p>And I barely allow adults to drink and drive, let alone the younger set. I never “wink winked” when my kids were in HS and even my legal aged son had friends sleep over if they were planning on “drinking beer and playing video games.” Our wedding is self-contained. Destination wedding and no need for anyone to drive anywhere. Like I said, the few underaged (that aren’t REALLY underaged) are almost all in college. And all will be there with their parents. Not my responsibility to police and glad to know that no one… absolutely not one guest… will be driving.</p>
<p>We know the area - we grew up and still have family just south of the wedding site. As I said, “wasting time” just isn’t in our vocabulary! Wonder what the bride/groom/family is doing with that 4-5 hours??? (minds out of the gutter!!!) I mean photos, but then…</p>
<p>I think often people feel reception has to = night time. We went to a reception at a venue on the water once that was SO pleasant - the wedding was Saturday 11am. The reception was afterwards a short drive away. It was SOOO nice - the food was just as classy and elegant, the venue had lots of windows and was picturesque - we could even take a break from the busyness/noise of the wedding and take a short walk and enjoy the area. By 4 or 5pm we were all headed home pleased.</p>
<p>My H&I had an afternoon wedding. My grandmother hosted a brunch in the hotel before the 1:30 wedding (I THINK that was the time) and then we had the reception with heavy hors d’oeuvres which ended around 5:30-6. All the grown up family went to my inlaws where she had a buffet dinner and, as I recall, mlb play offs, whereas all the younger set came to H & my apartment. Let’s just say that by 8:30, almost all the “fun” adults were also at our place! I stayed in my wedding dress the entire time and we left them to fend for themselves and went to stay elsewhere around 11. The next day, again, my inlaws hosting a brunch and used their house as a run point for transportation to the airport. Came home to our Apt to find it perfect and spotless. gotta love family who are slightly OCD that don’t live with you! :)</p>
<p>sryrstress, The time they will allow you to start will depend on the venue. If you have the place to yourselves that day, there can be more flexibility. But yes, afternoon affairs can be virtually identical to a nighttime reception. I’ve been to scores of afternoon weddings and bar mitzvahs that were indistinguishable in almost every way from the most formal of evening parties. </p>
<p>Sometimes they are a little shorter in duration if there is another immediately following. Obviously, guests wouldn’t consider black tie or gowns in the afternoon, either. Possibly less drinking, which IMO is a very good thing. But the rest is just a matter of your budget and choices. All of our parties were luncheons and included live music, full dinner, cocktail hour buffet stations etc. We had afternoon receptions because we had elderly relatives who would not otherwise have been able to attend.</p>
<p>Reporting back. No boxing gloves had to be drawn out, all family members still intact. :)</p>
<p>Went to our family wedding this weekend. Our 16 year old did attend as we were told was absolutely fine. Noticed that there were a few other children - a couple as young as preschool age but these were mostly nieces/nephews of the groom. Most other attendees were adults as far as I noted. Did find out that a good part of the reason for the large break between the 1pm wedding and the 6:30pm reception was that the wedding party rented a party limo and spent most of the afternoon bar hoping. (yikes) The mother of the groom said she was starving after the wedding so she and her husband went to Kentucky Fried Chicken - so I know that photos didn’t take too long! Whatever…(rolling eyes!!!)</p>
<p>There was a cash bar which had a very long line. We stayed through the food and the FOB/bride, MOG/groom dances and left at a respectable time (before things got to wound up).</p>
<p>But still keep that thought in your mind as you plan a wedding/reception with restrictions - PLEASE make your thoughts/desires clear as to who can/should not attend!!</p>
<p>Thanks again for all your conversation, suggestions and support! :)</p>
<p>A cash bar? People do that? How unbelievably tacky to ask people to take out their wallets at a wedding reception! (I guess the wedding party was already soused, so it was irrelevant to them–classy bunch). If a couple can’t afford to provide a free bar, then the thing to do is substitute an alcoholic punch or limit the bar to beer and inexpensive wine or cut back elsewhere, etc. The people in attendance are guests, not customers.</p>
<p>Cash bar I believe is pretty common here in the midwest. They may have had a “signature” drink at no cost - but honestly I didn’t walk up to the bar so I am not certain.</p>
<p>I agree cash bar is common, I also agree it is tacky.
Also- I used to go bar hoping myself, (as in post 267) but it was when I was single!
I suspect abasket meant bar hopping.</p>
<p>Common or not, I agree. We couldn’t afford to have an open bar at our wedding. We had wine and beer, tea, coffee, water, and soft drinks. No cash bar. We also couldn’t afford to do a sit down dinner, so rather than charging our guests in order for them to eat dinner, we had our wedding in the afternoon and served hot hors d’oeuvres. We couldn’t afford a band, so our afternoon wedding simply had a pianist.</p>
<p>It was still lovely, and no one left with an empty wallet.</p>
<p>I also can’t imagine scheduling bar hopping time for my wedding party while expecting the guests to kill time before a reception. Apparently this is a regional thing? I’ve never once been to a wedding which didin’t have the reception immediately following.</p>
<p>I remember when we were looking at venues 20+ years ago, most places wanted $25-30 per guest for an open bar, whether they drank or not, or were even legal age.</p>
<p>This was a total budget buster. It’s probably two or three times that now.</p>
<p>Basically the choice comes down to not inviting people so others can drink for free.</p>
<p>I would hate to not be invited to a wedding because of this choice.</p>
<p>People act as if it’s open bar, cash bar or bust. There are many good alternatives that involve none of the above. I’ve been to many weddings where they served platters of champagne or wine for the toast. Sometimes the bar is open for cocktail hour, then they go to wine only at the table. Nothing wrong with serving a signature drink, just wine, or even no alcohol.</p>
<p>Time delay between wedding and reception is very common around here if you are married in the Catholic church. At the local one here in our town weddings must be over by 2:00. There is a gap usually until cocktail reception an hour before dinner is served. So that means cocktails at 4 or 5 and then dinner. Cash bars are very very common here. What we did for D1’s wedding was cover beer, wine and signature cocktail drink during the Cocktail hour and then wine served at dinner and through the night along with beer all night. The cash bar was for those who wanted something other than wine/beer/pop/coffee. In the over 20 years that we have lived here I don’t think we have ever been to a wedding that has hosted drinks all night.</p>
<p>We hosted D’s wedding this weekend. We did have an open bar for four hours; it was no where’s near the prices NRE guessed. And they only charged as small “soda price” for the under 21’s. It worked for us; YMMV.</p>
<p>We had no wait for between ceremony and reception as they were all at the same place, so that was nice.</p>
<p>There were several small kids from the groom’s family–they were fine. D felt that kids needed to be welcome–and the venue had a huge, gorgeous open balconey (with unbelievable views), so if a child got antsy, parents took them out there.</p>
<p>Just throwing this in- the nice thing about the cash bar at a young relative’s wedding was that it was located away from the main reception/dining room. Party upstairs, with poured wine at the tables, set-up cash bar downstairs. I realize that’s not always possible, but it didn’t make it seem the B/G were shorting people who wanted to drink more than the wine. Optional and discreet.</p>