<p>I haven’t read every post, but I do agree with zooser above (who seems to agree with hoss, but I didn’t read his whole post). The wedding invite was to the whole family, but the “adults reception” notation makes it clear that if someone is too young – and who knows what they consider too young. 18? 21, the legal drinking age? – then they aren’t invited to the reception.</p>
<p>I have to point out that I don’t know why your dh would get so upset if your 16yo couldn’t go. It’s not like the notation read “reception for everyone except abasket’s dd.” I understand there’s some bad blood here, but don’t go looking for insult. They don’t want to deal with/pay for kids at the reception, and that’s their prerogative. It’s not how I operate, but it’s what they want so whatevs.</p>
<p>And as others have said, you don’t seem to want to attend the reception anyway so why sweat it? I have to add that you do come across pretty judgmental about the drinking that may occur at this reception. You think it’s going to be a drunkfest, you don’t think your dd is invited, she doesn’t want to go and neither do you. So go home after the ceremony. But don’t be all sanctimonious about it. :)</p>
<p>I agree with post 40. If I were the host and rec’d an rsvp back to an adults only function that included a teenager, I’d wonder- did they read the invite? What were they thinking?</p>
<p>sanc·ti·mo·ni·ous<br>
/ˌsaNG(k)təˈmōnēəs/
Adjective
derogatory. Making a show of being morally superior to other people.</p>
<p>This, I did not do. I made a point to say that I didn’t have anything specific against drinking just that we don’t and we aren’t comfortable in events where there is a lot of drinking.</p>
<p>If you can’t understand or see the point of how someone MIGHT be upset that their entire family can’t attend a family event, then of course you can’t see his side. The point here being there ARE two different sides - neither one is “right” - they are just opposing views. </p>
<p>I also said that this choice was their perogative. If you read all the posts. </p>
<p>I’m not judging their choices.
I’m trying to understand their rules. It was simply unclear to me.</p>
<p>I don’t think the OP is being judgmental or sanctimonious about it being a drunkfest. She knows this family and has been to previous weddings. Previous experience is usually a good indicator…there are few things less fun than being a non-drinker watching a bunch of people getting bombed and thinking they are hilarious.</p>
<p>Might have missed the info, but is there travel to the wedding involved? In that circumstance, what do you do with D? Given the circumstances, I’d go to the wedding and skip the reception. Sometimes making a brief appearance is more awkward than not going at all.</p>
<p>I agree that a couple has a right to invite people as they wish. On the flip side, they shouldn’t be getting all miffed if people don’t show because of this. Personally, I’m sort of tired of brides/family getting upset when people don’t show for destination weddings. My cousin also issued a “save the date” and made a big hoopla, but never said no children…until 3 weeks before the wedding. Would’ve been nice to know that before D skipped a summer ball league for the wedding!</p>
<p>abasket, it is unclear. Contradictory, even.</p>
<p>I completely get where you are coming from. I had a couple of threads relating to a wedding of a wretched relative. I ended up going alone (with my mother and brother) because my husband wouldn’t go and my kids weren’t invited. It totally stunk, but I felt it was the right thing to do.</p>
<p>Couldn’t you and your husband make a date night out of it?</p>
<p>Even if your D was invited, if she doesn’t want to go, why drag her?</p>
<p>We had a wedding reception with NO children. There were many reasons. First, we were paying the bill without any parent assistance and all of the young cousins would have added expense we simply could not afford. Kids cost the same per head as adults. The other reason…this was an event with alcohol and we didn’t feel it appropriate to have those under drinking age attend.</p>
<p>Yes, we ruffled a few feathers. Funny, however, when the generation NOT invited to our wedding got married, many of them did not invite kids to THEIR weddings.</p>
<p>Aside…my son was the ring bearer in my sisters wedding. He was adorable, just under 4 years old. We did NOT want to being him to the reception which was an evening reception. We were told we HAD to because he was in the wedding party. I can tell you…it was NOT much fun for us at that wedding. </p>
<p>After that, I brought a babysitter with me to every family wedding that my kids were invited to. They put in an appearance and the went off with the sitter.</p>
<p>I think you need to call and ask whether your D is invited. That way you will know for sure, otherwise your H and D are always going to wonder about it…</p>
<p>My apologies. I should have worded the sanctimonious sentence more carefully. I didn’t say you were, but I think it could come across that way because of the previous bad blood.</p>
<p>You wrote: “I can assure you that if she is not invited, the rest of us won’t attend the reception either. In fact, my H will be STEAMING at this (another reason for him to shake his head at his siblings).”</p>
<p>I don’t understand why he’d be STEAMING. Nothing about “adult reception” sounds like a personal affront. It’s what the couple wants, and they’re paying so there you go. I feel like the baggage from the relationship is coloring what’s going on here. If you’d gotten this kind of wedding/reception invite from a co-worker, would he be STEAMING?</p>
<p>Anway, a call to a relative to ask what the “adult” cutoff is – 16? 18? 21? – is in order, and then you can decide how to proceed. Good luck!</p>
<p>I disagree with OP that “adults only” reception is abiguous wording(in re a 16 yr old), and I feel "if we all can’t go, then none of us will- reminds me of a kid on the schoolyard that says- it’s my ball and if we don’t play my way I’ll take my ball home.
But I definitely have not interpreted a <em>superior to drinkers attitude</em>
People can disagree, but if we’re poilte there’s no problem!</p>
<p>I understand the “If we can’t all go, then none of us will” approach. I wouldn’t be mean about it, but that would be us as well. What are the kids supposed to do while mom and dad go to the reception? </p>
<p>In most cases, I have to travel a bit for a wedding, so it’s not like I can just run them back to the house. It’s a hassle. So, we’d all just go home. No biggie. </p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like the adults here are comfortable in a drinking/dancing setting anyway.</p>
<p>I disagree with those who think the invitation isn’t ambiguous. I think “adult reception” is somewhat ambiguous itself. It may really mean “no little kids.” I particularly disagree with those who think the purpose is to shield children from the goings-on–most likely the purpose is to shield the adults from a bunch of kids running around. I agree with those who think the thing to do is call and ask–before calling, practice what you’ll say, and practice not being mad whatever the answer is. I think there is a high likelihood they’ll say, “Why, D2 is virtually an adult–of course she’s invited.” Even if they didn’t mean to invite her.</p>
<p>Even on my husband’s side, which are the nice relatives, kids are never invited to formal weddings unless in the bridal party. Maybe it’s just because the area is so expensive.</p>
<p>I have skimmed the posts and have a little to add. I am the mother of a bride-to-be and neighbor to a mother-of-the-bride with daughter married within the last six weeks. She mentioned that she found the invitation list the hardest part of the wedding and I’d have to agree. So here comes my little to add: for most people, there has to be a limit to the number of guests. In our case, the chapel has a limited number that can be seated and the limit is not shabby. Still, it limits. Reception costs also need to be considered: as someone else pointed out, a three-year-old costs the same per head as an adult. If we could have invited one and all, it would have been great. As it was both families struggled over the invitation list. Young cousins did get omitted. Grandmothers got a bit miffed but those parents seemed more than okay with the decision. In fact, both sets of young parents reserved rooms at the hotel where the reception takes place and plan to make a night of it. We invited close friends and their three young adult children. My friend called and asked if each of those young adults could bring a boyfriend/girlfriend and I had to say “no.” My friend (and children) are not the type to get miffed, so all’s well.</p>
<p>Please do not get hurt feelings over wedding invitations unless you know for certain that intent to hurt was there. We would tweak our list a bit now if we could. We didn’t invite a few we probably should have, but a line had to be drawn somewhere. Sometimes it’s hard to divine exactly where.</p>
<p>Like others have said, call and ask if the 16-year-old is invited, only if she wants to attend. If she cares less, then all is good. I agree with others that it’s rude to add someone not invited.</p>
<p>I have absolutely no problem with excluding young children from weddings, wedding receptions, and other formal events, but I do think that in this particular case the invitation is ambiguous for this particular family. It would have been better if they had listed the names of all of the invited persons, but oh well.</p>
<p>If you want to clarify it, call and ask. Otherwise, since you all hate this sort of party, just send a gift and don’t go.</p>
<p>BTW, I would not classify this as a strictly “family event.” It is not a family reunion. The bridal couple presumably has friends who mean a lot more to them than a 16 yr old cousin whom they rarely, if ever, see. I don’t think they have an obligation to invite a bunch of cousins to whom they have very little connection instead of personal friends.</p>
<p>In our family, we would never dream of the children not being invited. People have to travel. We haven’t seen some of them in a long time. Watching the children together at the reception is one of the things we all look forward to the most. The wedding is usually at a church and the reception is usually off-site somewhere with a DJ, dancing, and usually a buffet. By doing a buffet, we usually count kids as half a person on the food. The place settings and venue is very elegant. The kids dance together. People drink, but not to excess. It’s nice.</p>
<p>Actually, if D2 marries her current beaux there probably won’t even be drinking and dancing at the reception. Probably just a meal, a father/daughter dance, a bride/groom dance, cutting the cake, hugs and kisses and that’s it.</p>