<p>If you’re travelling to this wedding, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to call them and ask if they intended for D2 to attend the reception, or if you need to make other plans for her during that time.</p>
<p>Also, I think this thread shows you that families are so different that it’s not wise to assume that you understand what somebody means by what the invitation says. Indeed, it’s possible that they didn’t really think about the implications for D2 if they were thinking about people with small kids.</p>
<p>Cromette, I think the difference is that we don’t have to travel. Also, we haven’t had any weddings on that side in a decade. My husband’s family is HUGE and everyone is local, so the kids are just left at home with sitters. I guess it’s just one of those different regional or family cultures.</p>
<p>Edited to add: My D1 is casually talking about marrying the boyfriend of 4 1/2 years "someday.’ He has a huge family and it bothers my daughter greatly that she could barely fill one table at her wedding with family members. Of course, she still won’t invite my sister or her kids, so I guess it doesn’t bother her THAT much.</p>
<p>Cromette, we did NOT invite cousins to our wedding. We do NOT have a rocky relationship with our families. Sorry…I think the bride and groom are the ones who get to determine who will be invited to their wedding. It is NOT a family reunion…it is a celebration of the marriage and no one should feel an invitation is required.</p>
<p>We’re not mean people. We would definitely go to the wedding and as I think I mentioned before, offer best wishes/prayers for the couple and their marriage. Neither I or my husband are “create a scene” people in the LEAST, so I assure you, you will not see us on the news or a youtube. :)</p>
<p>We’ve got some time - we’ll see if we get any inklings of the specifics of “adult reception”. Zooser, I too hear that some couples go out and do these things alone (wink, wink) but it’s not what has been our habit. All previous family weddings involved all our family - thus, this our first occasion with an exception.</p>
<p>More than anything, I’'m someone who likes to follow the rules, and not make any waves. So I probably am/would overthink this WAY more than the average bear. :)</p>
<p>No…not you thumper - sorry. I meant OP’s family has rocky dynamics.</p>
<p>So sorry. Didn’t mean to offend.</p>
<p>In our family, weddings, as well as being a celebration of marriage actually are a time for the whole family to celebrate together…as I said, every family is a little different. </p>
<p>Cheers. :)</p>
<p>Added: Of COURSE the bride and groom get to determine the nature and the invitees to their event. All I have said is that if my kids didn’t go to a wedding/reception for a family member, then I likely wouldn’t go either. If it were possible, we’d all attend the wedding and then leave. If not then we’d just decline. Nice gift of course and providing it was possible without there being meals provided for us.</p>
In some families, a wedding IS a family reunion, and extended family would be deeply offended if everybody isn’t invited. Not all families are the same.</p>
<p>abasket, I agree with on following the rules–but I would ask for clarification of what the rules are. If you ask in a nice enough way, nobody should get offended. Indeed, they might be relieved if you ask–if they don’t want D2 at the reception, they may be worried that you’ll bring her anyway.</p>
<p>Everyone has family issues of some sort. But when it comes to weddings, I set all of those dynamics aside. We just got uninvited to a wedding. DS’s SO’s sister just got married and the groom’s family threw a huge fit about not getting enough seats for his side of the family. So we threw in our family’s seats. Still sent the gift. Not an issue. Too many really important things in life to worry about these sort of things.</p>
<p>“The bridal couple presumably has friends who mean a lot more to them than a 16 yr old cousin whom they rarely, if ever, see. I don’t think they have an obligation to invite a bunch of cousins to whom they have very little connection instead of personal friends.” </p>
<p>Thumper - I was responding to this, I guess - since it seemed like to me there HAD been a familial connection, but it has since been strained. Where once the 16 yr old cousin may have been thought of as near and dear - maybe now not so much. But it’s possible that wasn’t what was on the bride and grooms minds at all. They may have just been trying to limit headcount or liability or any number of other things.</p>
<p>“Adult reception” may mean, “No, really, leave your toddler at home.” it may also be an evening event, wherein Children would get tired and cranky.</p>
<p>I think what’s ambiguous about this invite is that “and family” contradicts “adult reception”. I think it could easily be meant either way, so a clarifying (“I’m sure this is clear, but I’m being a dolt, could you just confirm either way for me?”) phone call seems fine, just armed, as someone else said, with a positive, cheery response no matter what answr you get (that’s how i’d approach it, anyway.)</p>
<p>That being said, guestlists are hard! My D’s wedding is constricted by a hard cap at the site of the reception (and our wallets.) The groom has many aunts and uncles and about 20 cousins. My D has fewer a/u’s and 3 cousins. But they want to draw fair lines, so all cousins are invited. We are being strict about who gets an “and one” and who doesn’t–no guests just for the sake of having a date. (It drives me nuts that some people think you have to have a date at a wedding–it’s not date-night; it’s a family and friend celebration…but that’s another story.)</p>
<p>Agree with Hunt. You could "see if we get any inklings of the specifics of ‘adult reception,’ " but, for me, it would be easier to just ask so that everyone is clear. It would have been nice is they had written “Adult reception, 18 or older,” but because they didn’t some clarification really is in order.</p>
<p>Ay I also point put the fallacy in saying, “MY family does weddings this way and would be offended by…”? </p>
<p>A wedding involves two families. Your family might think that a wedding is a family reunion, but if your nephew is marrying a girl who has dreamed of a small, intimate gathering of near and dear, then their wedding might be different. This is doubly true if her family is footing the bill - they are not morally obliged to pay for your family reunion.</p>
<p>True. Haven’t had that situation so far. We’re girl heavy in this family so we usually call the shots. Most of the weddings/receptions have been very similar in structure.</p>
Good grief. Instead of sussing out “inklings”, how about just picking up the phone and asking? If there’s so much drama in this family that a mere phone call is problematic, and if OP’s H is likely to be “steamed” about a teenager being excluded from a reception, I think you should just skip the event altogether. Weddings are for those who care about the couple and want to join in their joy. That hardly seems the case here. If the family baggage can’t be left at home, then it sounds as if everyone, including the bride and groom, would be happier if the invitation were declined.</p>
<p>I think you should call and pleasantly ask. Acknowledge that guest lists are tough and you want to be sure you are adhering to the B&G’s wishes/constraints. The invite was confusing. The outside envelope said family which includes all kids. If I had to infer, I think B&G are inviting all of you to the wedding and only adults to the reception. But, no need to infer, just call. Please let us know how this plays out. It sounds like you are being gracious by wanting to attend the wedding either way. Weddings (esp. invite lists) certainly bring out strong emotions! B&G probably agonized over it.</p>
<p>It could be that was their intention, but in addressing the envelope to the entire family, unless there was an inner envelope with reception details addressed to the adults only, it’s not what they, in fact, did.</p>
<p>The invitation is definitely ambiguous. Does adult mean old enough to vote, old enough to not have your BF/GF accused of statutory rape, or old enough to drink? Suppose there were a married 17 year old in a family - not an adult? </p>
<p>I’m from southern Virginia where most of the weddings are family reunions. However, several in my family had adult only receptions, but it was made clear on the invitation, not in vague language. We traveled to a wedding where the kids weren’t invited and they got together in one hotel room and ordered pizza and watched movies. They had a lot more fun than they would have at the reception.</p>
<p>This is such a good example of how things can blow up and be misinterpreted on CC!</p>
<p>People! Some of you have painted such a picture of distress and anger in our family - not the case!! (Some of you have given very good advice - thank you)</p>
<p>Quite simply I just wanted some interpretation of the print invitation.
Quite simply, we have not attended a wedding NOT as a family .
Quite simply, to us, a wedding is for family and while maybe “steamed” was a strong word, H who is not super social just could not imagine that you would exclude a family member. I myself know that couples need or choose to set these conditions for their own reasons.</p>
<p>I surely can pick up the phone. So can H. RSVP 's are not due for a month. Besides posting this question this mornng just because it crossed my mind, I’m not losing my mind over what will happen. All is good! Good enough anyway! </p>
<p>Younghoss’s Post #30, gives you the answer as it would be “by the book”. However, not everyone goes “by the book” or knows what the “the book” is and there is no way that you or any of us can know for show where the lines are drawn in this invitation. So call and ask. SImple as that. You know what it can mean from all of the answers and what it means “by the book”, but only the wedding planners know for this specific situation.</p>
We would definitely go to the wedding and as I think I mentioned before, offer best wishes/prayers for the couple and their marriage. Neither I or my husband are “create a scene” people in the LEAST, so I assure you, you will not see us on the news or a youtube. :)</p>