<p>When I do bring gifts for birthdays/anniversaries, I tend to ask the hosts about food allergies, dietary observations, or religious considerations. </p>
<p>Part of this is informed by having some relatives/friends* who don’t drink any alcoholic beverages for religious/personal reasons and having several friends who don’t drink. </p>
<p>Personally, I am ok with alcoholic beverages as gifts, but am strictly a social drinker**. </p>
<p>Last time some friends dropped off a case of beer for Chinese New Year a decade ago, the beer ended up sitting nearly forgotten for several years before a few stints of my hosting dinner with friends at my place slowly absorbed that case over a period of a few weeks. </p>
<ul>
<li>Mostly evangelicals.<br></li>
</ul>
<p>** Only at parties or gatherings in company with others or my alcohol tolerant relatives. Drinking alone is too boring IMHO.</p>
<p>“It can be a financial burden to get invited to a lot of parties and weddings. When we had sweet 16 for our girls (100+ people sit down dinner), we were careful about who we invited. It wasn’t because we didn’t think they could cover the plate, but we didn’t want them to feel obligated to come or have to send a gift”</p>
<p>Oh my.<br>
Different traditions in different parts of the country. We live in a pretty upscale suburb but I don’t know of anyone having a sweet 16 party ( unless it was just a bigger than average Bd party…rent the roller-rink type thing). Hispanic friends have Quince’s for ther daughter and Jewish friends host Bar and Bat Mitzvah, but these are mostly parties for the kids and a few old family friends. Sit-down dinner for 100? For a teen? Not something they would expect (and believe me there are plenty of 1%ers in this town with kids who expect a lot. )</p>
<p>HyperJulie - in our case the wine is always brought to be opened and shared then unless the hostess has another choice she’s anxious to serve. If I bring white its always chilled. We also share in bringing appetizers and desserts. It’s a very casual, long time group. If I’m going to someone’s home I don’t know as well I’m more hesitant with wine for the very reasons you mention. I’d opt for flowers or something else small instead. People just mean well and all have different customs as noted.</p>
<p>blueiguana - I completely understand, and would definitely appreciate the gesture. Though as previously mentioned I would hope said guest remembered a corkscrew! </p>
<p>I actually have a little something I could use some help on. There’s a big sale on the wedding invitation site I was planning on using tomorrow only (I’ve been following the sales for the past six months and this is the biggest I’ve seen). All of the wedding invitation wordings I’ve been seeing refer to something like “join us as this person and the other person begin their new lives together” and so on. However, I’m a little stuck as to how I could say it differently. It’s hard to say we’re beginning our new lives together when we already share an apartment, so I feel kind of weird about that phrasing. Any other suggestions?</p>
<p>Julie-what about “join HyperJulie and fiance as they begin the next chapter of their lives together”? H and I used something like that, which was fitting as we both have writing backgrounds. But “next chapter” could certainly apply to any newly married couple.</p>
<p>Sweet 16 was very common where we lived. Our girls went to many. D1’s party was more formal. D2 didn’t want as much attention, so we had it with her best friend. I did a night club theme, complete with lights, lounge sofa/table and security guards. Their parties weren’t over the top by comparison to some of their friends’. </p>
<p>We don’t usually go to people’s house for dinner unless we know them very well. When we first meet people, we’ll go out to eat first, then if the relationship progresses then we’ll invite each other over. By the time we go to someone’s house we would generally know if they are white/red/champagne drinkers and what kind of food they like.</p>
<p>Sweet 16 are very common here, too. My daughters had smaller celebrations but some of their friends had huge events with courts, limousines, sit down dinners in halls, favors, the whole bit. One girl had a casino themed party that was totally over the top (before this was common) and it was so much fun.</p>
The wording H and I used over three decades ago was “Please share our joy by being with us on our wedding day. We will exchange …” and then went on about time and place.</p>
We were married in New York City, in January, on a weeknight, and my family lives in Southern Virginia. We didn’t want to invite a bunch of people we were sure wouldn’t come, because we were afraid it would just seem like we were angling for gifts. My mother, however, insisted that we invite a bunch of people because they would be offended if we didn’t. And surprisingly, some of them did show up.</p>
<p>And for the “empty-handed” thing–we had a drop-in party on New Years’ Day, and some people brought something and some didn’t–but you could pretty much predict who would or would not based on their cultural background. It’s all good. I will say, though, that we have an awful lot of wine now. My wife is the only one who drinks it, and it’s going to take her quite a while to get through all of it.</p>
<p>Finally, if I am invited to a wedding out of town, I would be delighted to only go to the ceremony and a short reception. I can’t stand a lengthy sit-down dinner seated (usually) with people I don’t know and can’t hear. I had too much of that at bar mitzvahs.</p>
<p>Consolation…no rentals at our church. Only members can be married there. And members are charged for using the church besides the minister and musicians’ fee. It is not inexpensive.</p>
<p>Please, please invite me even if I live far away. A friend of mine I’d known in France invited me to her Connecticut wedding while I was living in Germany. It happened to coincide with a planned trip to the States and it was easy and fun for me to make a little detour for her wedding. I’m so glad she didn’t say mathmom will never make it so I won’t invite her.</p>
<p>Our judge wouldn’t take money, but asked us to donate something to one of his favorite charities.</p>
<p>I really wouldn’t mind a cake reception for an out of town wedding. I assume I’d figure out where to eat meals in town, and hopefully even find someone to go eat with.</p>
<p>I don’t mind cake receptions. I guess I am going to the wedding to see the bride/groom and their families. I am not going so that I can get a meal.</p>
<p>Our church and minister are always free. In fact payment would not be accepted if offered. </p>
<p>It’s pretty common for couples from families of modest means to have a cake & punch only or cake and finger food wedding reception at the church hall after the wedding - with the family and friends of the bride often pitching in to nicely decorate the hall and to cater the food (for free). And no one minds. Everyone recognizes that if you can’t afford a fancy wedding, you can’t afford it. And there is no shame in that. In fact, living within your means is viewed as a virtue.</p>
<p>For families with more money to spend it’s not uncommon to have a sit-down dinner at some nice venue, but it is by no means expected. But if there is a nice dinner the concept of “covering the plate” simply does not exist. </p>
<p>And my observation is that those who start off with a fancy wedding are no more or less likely to live happily ever after than those who served cake and punch in the church hall.</p>
<p>In my church we have to pay the sexton and a fee for the actual church and organist. It is customary to make a donation to the pastors for their discretionary fund. I don’t find the fees outrageous and I am confident that if money were an issue all fees would be waived.</p>
<p>Regarding church weddings, several churches my friends attend have a policy of only allowing members or those who have documented proof of membership in the same faith/denomination to use their facilities/pastor/staff for weddings. If either the bride or groom aren’t religious or are of another faith, they are barred from having the wedding at those churches. </p>
<p>It’s a reason why some friends had to have their weddings at another more open-minded church or a house/secular venue wedding.</p>