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Maybe that’s why Japan has the highest percentage of single women between the ages of 20-40.</p>
<p>We don’t have an especially large family, but it worked out to 40 guests from our family, 40 from the groom’s family, and 50 who were friends of the bride and/or groom. Some of those family members or friends were in the wedding party, of course. If you go the plus-1 route, and you have to for many guests, it adds up quickly.</p>
<p>Even just inviting grandparents, aunts/uncles, first cousins, and certain relatives who are especially close though not necessarily so on the family tree, it was easy for us to reach a count of 40.</p>
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<p>That can be accomplished regardless of the price tag.</p>
<p>alwaysamom: Your weddings sound wonderful, as do churchmusicmom’s and anyone else I’ve forgotten.</p>
<p>alwaysamom: I think the cost of wedding planning is exorbitant in NY unless one is uber wealthy, which we are not.</p>
<p>churchmusicmom: My H is a wedding photographer and he would always think that a groom’s mom was essential to any photo session. Your treatment was outrageous. I’m sorry. I would have liked it though because I don’t like having my picture taken.</p>
<p>My H accomplishes all his shots in 15 minutes and has been known to shoot 1000 photos. Pictures should not impinge on the wedding.</p>
<p>He says that in NY the trend is for brides and grooms to pay for weddings themselves.</p>
<p>My D is not engaged, but she does have a steady. Have a dad in the business, she has thought about this since childhood. </p>
<p>Her choice is a bookstore in NYC that donates proceeds of their affairs to a charity that feeds AIDS victims. That is a wedding I can get behind.</p>
<p>I’m not sure about the money aspects, because I am now paying for her masters because she incurred debt from law school which she hated and did not complete. So the wedding budget is being spent on more education. We’ll see.</p>
<p>I can foresee many problems with differing values of the two families, but baby steps at a time. Gee. I think the wedding planner is a great idea. I just don’t think it will be possible here.</p>
<p>Countingdown: Joy and more joy and to everyone else with upcoming nuptials.</p>
<p>I know I am on the hook for a special gown, because D is a fashionista. She is a reasonable person, though, and doesn’t like bling. She has a dress picked out. We’ll see how quickly things progress.</p>
<p>She is opposed to diamonds because of the problems in Africa so her potential groom lucks out there.</p>
<p>Mythmom, there are diamonds other than blood diamonds. My niece and her DH were also opposed so chose a diamond from Canada.</p>
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<p>LOL, a few weeks after our wedding, H’s brother threw a fit because he didn’t get enough attention at the wedding. Mind you, my entire guest list was from out of town (including me - we got married on H’s turf) but somehow, we were supposed to fawn over him because he flew in from out of town.</p>
<p>I really dislike most of the wedding receptions I attend down here…heavy hors d’oeuvre in an impersonal hotel ballroom or “top of the building” club for what must be an outrageous price.</p>
<p>The best weddings in VT, imo, are in the beautiful renovated old barns. Wild flowers, local musicians and it’s all about the love and commitment and the family, friends and community circling around the couple. This doesn’t have to cost a lot of money.</p>
<p>I really hope my kids don’t spend $23,000+ on weddings. I certainly won’t be forking over that kind of money! </p>
<p>I went to a lot of backyard weddings and they were all lovely.</p>
<p>People’s attitude here in CC who are willing to spend on weddings are similar to what they are willing to spend on college tuition. Yearly EFC=cost of wedding.</p>
<p>I have never ever been to a backyard wedding. Perhaps backyards of an inn or hotel. Lots in CA are not big.</p>
<p>We went to a backyard wedding in July that was wonderful. Of course, it was a backyard of a gorgeous home over-looking Lake Michigan in Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin. There was a champagne toast after the brief service and then everyone went to a nature center facility for the reception. It was all great.</p>
<p>I attended a wedding held on the grounds (backyard) of an inn in VT over Memorial Day weekend 2 years ago. It was lovely except for the 27 black fly bites all over my legs. I had never seen a black fly before then. Bites were itchy and did not clear for over 3 weeks.</p>
<p>My friends married in their small back yard a number of years ago. It was a small wedding, larger reception. They put down turf for the occasion, and it was quite lovely. I played flute, someone sang. </p>
<p>Seems that used to be done more, small intimate ceremony with a larger public gathering afterwards. </p>
<p>Years ago, I was quite saddened that my niece missed much of her reception for the sake of photos. Many of us were there from out of state, and it was a rare gathering for our far flung family. We missed her! </p>
<p>Myth, I like that your H takes a great deal of photos quickly. Far more an efficient use of time. Though at a recent wedding, I appreciated being able to take my own photos at the same time as the photographer, for the disabled friend I was accompanying. It took a bit longer than 15 minutes! She and her family now have their own albums of the day, if far less than professional.</p>
<p>I’m getting married next summer, and my parents are paying for it. It probably helps that I earned enough scholarships that all of my undergrad, including living expenses, was more than covered on my own, so some of the money they had saved and were willing to put towards my education will go towards that instead. Even so, $25K sounds ridiculous and I can’t imagine anything higher than that. We’re looking at about $10-12K and even that is a terrifying amount to me. But it’s at a venue I love and it will be a large wedding. The venue doesn’t charge anything for the space itself, since they will also be the venue for the reception. They just have a food and beverage minimum and a per-guest setup fee for the ceremony. My uncle has volunteered to be the DJ, since he was a DJ professionally for years. I’m wearing my mother’s dress as well. I’m so excited and glad I found the venue before moving out of state for grad school!</p>
<p>Maybe I am just a control freak but I would not want my parents planning or paying anything for my wedding. One of my brothers got married recently and him and my sil wanted my parents more involved.Things like cake selection, venue etc. My parents didn’t really care or want to spend time on any of this even if they did pay for a small amount of it. It caused a rift between them as they felt that my parents lack of involvement in thier wedding meant it didn’t care about them. Meanwhile, I would be thrilled with this hands off approach! I know my sil and her mom had a lot of fun picking out a dress and bridesmaid dresses.</p>
<p>I’m just hoping one my kids would not pay $25K for a wedding dress, I’ve heard $10K price tag on “Say Yes to a dress”. By the time they are old enough(especially the high schooler) to get married it might cost that much.</p>
<p>My D was married in May. One tip for dress shopping… don’t decide too early, but make sure you order at least 7-8 months ahead. My d decided on a dress too early (13 months out) and had regrets. We agreed to order a second dress because I didn’t want her to wear a dress she didn’t like or feel confident in. It was a good but expensive decision.</p>
<p>My D was married 3 years ago–my only advice would be to try not to let the event create stress. It’s easy for everyone involved to get carried away. As for amounts of money–it seems to me that this is like paying for college. Some people spend way more than others. Different strokes and all that. Do what’s comfortable. I was really pleased after D’s wedding was over–I received four or five thank you notes from friends who thanked me for inviting them to the wedding and letting me know how much they enjoyed themselves.</p>
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<p>My son’s latest GF is Japanese…:D</p>
<p>There is absolutely nothing wrong with the parents of the bride and/or groom offering to contribute $XX to the cost of a wedding. The bride and groom can them determine whether they want to throw a wedding that stays within the allotment of money provided by the parents, or whether to contribute money of their own to have a more expensive event. There are ways to have weddings at all kinds of budget levels and I’ve certainly attended wedding ceremonies at town hall followed by dessert receptions where the desserts are all prepared by family and friends all the way up to lavish destination weddings the clearly cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. </p>
<p>If you are the parent of a soon-to-be bride or groom, I would just make my financial intentions understood sooner rather than later. Better to manage expectations early so that the bride and groom can plan accordingly rather than dropping a bombshell partway through the planning process.</p>
<p>I’ve always said that it you have two weeks to plan a wedding, it takes the full two weeks and if you have two years to plan a wedding, it takes the full two years.</p>