<p>bluejay, I have not yet seen “sponsored by” ads on invitations. Our wedding invitations had both sets of parents listed, though DH and I paid for the vast majority of it and DH’s parents paid nothing.</p>
<p>S and fiancee are thinking midafternoon meal with contradancing afterwards. They don’t think the time of day will be a problem. Re: sit-down vs. buffet – at a couple of places I researched, buffets were MORE expensive. Was a big surprise to me, as DH and I had a buffet because it was cheaper. Maybe it’s because the caterer needs to have more food on hand since one won’t know until serving time what people will want.</p>
<p>I am a big fan of creative table decorations that reflect the couple’s interests. I didn’t do anything with the tables when I was married, but am really excited about S’s and fiancee’s plans for theirs.</p>
<p>DrGoogle, on my old 35 mm film camera, there is a separate viewfinder from the shutter. It was entirely possible to shoot and see through the viewfinder without realizing the lens cap was on. Happened to me on my first shoot in a college photography class, and I had been taking pics a long time already.</p>
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In our case, there wouldn’t be any disagreement.<a href=“If%20I’m%20tacking%20your%20posts%20correctly”>/quote</a> - How do you know that unless you already know who the groom is? It seems very inconsiderate to presumptuous to make such a blatant statement as you’ll accept no input from the groom’s side.</p>
<p>You know, regarding all this “it is their day” stuff–or worse, the “it is HER day” mantra of the wedding shows–one of the first things that the minister who married us said during our meetings beforehand was that a wedding is a joining of two families, as well as two people. </p>
<p>It seems to me that that perspective is often lacking. </p>
<p>Zoosermom, I think your little list is very reasonable.</p>
<p>I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot, especially as I follow CD’s progression. If the worm marries at MIT or Caltech chapel, I’ll have more family guests. If they marry in her home town, I’ll be lucky to have 5 family there. I will pay for hotel and rehearsal meals, just to lure a few of my family to attend. I’m happy to chip in. I too want vegetarian meals, and no strong religious ceremonies. If the ceremony in a church, me and mine could be only ones attending. </p>
<p>Of course, I could host a party later in our home town, and do everything as I wish. </p>
<p>I adore the worm’s g/ f, and absolutely wish them the best. To meet her is to love her.</p>
<p>Thanks Consolation. I was just thinking that my mom hasn’t really been the same since my niece’s wedding. If we are so blessed to have her at any of my kids’ weddings, I don’t want it to be a physical or emotional struggle for her.</p>
<p>My girls have both told me politely and respectfully that my sister and her kids will not be invited to their weddings I totally understand.</p>
<p>My D1 plans to have her baby brother play her down the aisle on his clarinet. Just her, not the bridesmaids. I will be a puddle of tears.</p>
<p>I learned from my niece’s wedding that some wedding decisions have permanent consequences and that to err on the side of kindness is far better. Who really wants to be remembered as the bride whose behavior ripped apart an extended family and was an exercise in misery and discomfort?</p>
<p>CD–one of my friends did insist that only her name and her H’s be on the invitation because they were paying for the wedding, therefore hosting. I thought that was extremely odd and would never consider doing that, should my son decide to get married, even if H and I paid every penny.</p>
<p>I do not think it is inconsiderate at all. I would gladly have the groom’s family to pay and plan the wedding, and show up as a guest, as long as D agrees to it. I would be the most gracious guest. I would then throw a party (smaller, so not to upstage the wedding) at a different date, if D wants it. I guess I do not understand the idea of having a say about a party when you are not paying for it.</p>
<p>If our D wants to jointly plan her own wedding with the groom, I would be more than happy to contribute to the wedding, but I would expect the groom’s side to contribute just as much, and leave it to the young couple to make their own planning. </p>
<p>I did one joint sweet 16 party, and it was painful.</p>
<p>“Sponsored by” does sound a bit harsh. I have seen invitations read, “Together with our parents.”, or just the bride and groom’s name or just the bride’s parents name as being the one requesting the prescence. Probably for some it is big deal. Any else hear of this distinction on the invite?</p>
<p>I would want the invitations to be from both parents or have the young couple do the invite. I don’t really care if people knew who was paying. I care more about my own and D’s mental health.</p>
<p>Oldfort, the distinction is that it’s not a party, it’s a wedding, which is supposed to be about two people, not one, joining their lives and their families. Whether paying or not, both immediate families should be treated with consideration.</p>
<p>I don’t quite understand then why it is the bride’s family that is paying for the wedding? How did that custom come about? I am not as familiar with the western culture.</p>
<p>I think it stems from the dowry, which was basically a way of the bride’s father symbolizing that her new husband would be supporting her now instead of him and sending a generous gift with her to her new marriage.</p>
<p>It’s about courtesy, oldfort. Of course the paying person chooses the venue and the date. But a courteous person would ask the other side if there are any special considerations, like previously scheduled events, dietary restrictions or handicaps. Extending the same courtesy one would want in return. Which isn’t to say that obnoxiousness should be rewarded, but does it really matter to the bride’s family if the groom’s grandmother has a silk coursage because she is allergic to flowers? And does it really cost the bride’s family anything to ask?</p>
<p>BethieVT, I totally agree. I think a wedding should be a collaboration between both families and the people being married. If somebody is doing the planning who is not somebody being married (a parent), it would be as a favor, not them feeling like their financial weight means they get to lead the process.</p>
Apparently, my niece! At her recent wedding, she and her mother (my ex-SIL) made several choices that hurt our family so much that I don’t know how often we’ll want to see her again. These included leaving her father’s name off the invitation (his offer to pay for the guests from our family was refused); choosing to have the bride’s stepfather walk her down the aisle and not notifying my brother about it until 3 days previously; not even having a lousy boutonniere for my brother or corsage for my SIL; and not having the wedding photographer do a photo of the bride with her father and stepmother. </p>
<p>I’d have said that my ex-SIL got her revenge for the divorce 21 years previously except that she’s the one who broke the marriage up.</p>
<p>zoosermom - I think you are letting your recent family wedding drama coloring what other people should do, which I believe could have been easily taken care of, IMO. If I was allegic to flowers I would just mention it, and it wasn’t provided then I would just forgo it without making a big deal of it.</p>
<p>To whom would you mention it, oldfort, if the people paying for the wedding don’t extend you the courtesy of asking if there is anything they should consider?</p>
Our wedding invitations had both sets of parents listed, though DH and I paid for the vast majority of it and DH’s parents paid nothing.</p>