<p>Jym, I never answered your questions. Sorry about that. Yes, she and the dad live within 5 minutes from me. We (my husband and I) are going to have to think about ground rules, boundaries and such in regards to the question - will we be involved in the care of the child. </p>
<p>Right now, she has grand plans. They’re supposed to get married. Dad is planning on working 2 jobs and will make about $35,000. She plans on staying home with the baby and taking some classes online. I work 60 miles from home - so I’m only really home and available on weekends. Because of D’s nature, and some familial issues - we’ll just have to see how everything shakes out. </p>
<p>On a positive note, I think the dad is really good for her. She listens to him and he keeps her going in a more positive direction. Hopefully I’m not wrong about him, and hopefully he stays around.</p>
<p>As someone who has followed your story, and as someone who longs for a grandchild, congratulations.<br>
I have read Annie Lamont’s memoir and it’s a fun read.
Most important, after reading all of the healthcare thread, does your D or her SO have insurance? If not, can you afford to help her buy it?</p>
<p>I think you have a wonderful attitude towards a challenging situation. I can only hope I would have acted in a similar manner because I know my initial reaction would have been otherwise. H would not have come around in his attitude and it would have caused long term relationships issues and strife.</p>
<p>I’ll put a different spin on things. D has a chromosomal disease. She will never be able to have children. She was diagnosed at 9 months. Without question, that has been the most difficult thing to accept. I wanted children so badly and it just tears me up knowing she will never be able to feel those kicks. Yes, she can adopt but that is never a simple answer. Now, at 16, she voices all of those feelings although I have been careful never to speak in this regard. </p>
<p>I hope your D comes around and it sounds hopeful. No matter what, babies are a blessing and you will be such a positive influence for Baby Cromette. No one can ever replace grandmas!</p>
<p>dragonmom - D1 is covered and will remain covered until she’s 26. They will have to get insurance for the baby right away. She’s checking into that.</p>
<p>One way or another the baby will be covered…if I have to pay for a private plan or whatever.</p>
<p>MichiganGeorgia - no. She has not had any desire to drink or do drugs since the only time she tried to have one glass of wine since she’s been pregnant. Strong smells and alcohol - now even the smell of wine or beer make her throw up instantly, and she’s well into her second trimester…so not too worried about that. </p>
<p>I say “drugs” - it was marijuana, but she hasn’t done that since about 4 months before she got pregnant because she was trying to clean up for a drug test for employment. And don’t think I take marijuana lightly. Anyone here who knows me knows I’m not an advocate. I just didn’t want to make it sound like she was popping pills and snorting coke left and right.</p>
<p>Thanks, Systress. So sorry to hear about your D’s condition. I hope she finds much happiness down the road and is able to bless little ones that would have missed out on blessings otherwise.</p>
<p>DH has his issues with the situation. But he is very supportive of ME and is reservedly hopeful regarding D1, and will get there regarding the coming little one. We have discussed it in depth, and we’re seeing eye to eye. Each of us understands the other, so we’re in a pretty good place right now.</p>
<p>Funny… I just got an email covering this topic today from BC/BS. H’s employer had this policy before it became a part of ACA. Anyway, it says children up to age 26 can remain on their parent’s policy no matter of their marital status. </p>
<p>Unfortunate for H, who was hoping it would be a deterrence for D2 getting married too quickly! He was hoping she’d wait until age 26 to get married so she could stay on the insurance, but it’s now a moot issue. We have no idea if her boyfriend has health insurance through his employer, which is less than 50 people. Kind of seems like a personal question to ask someone we’ve only met once!</p>
<p>I live in NY and I realize what is true here may not be true in other states (caring for pregnant women is one of the things NY has gotten right) Your daughter should look into applying for Medicaid as a secondary insurance. In NY, even if she was living with you, Medicaid would look only at her income and count her as a family of 2. It would pick up co-pays and other things that the private insurance did not. But the real benefit is that the baby has immediate coverage for 1 year! Contacting your sort local health department might be a good place to get information. There also may be some programs to provide education and support to your daughter during the pregnancy. Many Health departments have nurses that do home visits and there are some other programs like Healthy Families and Nurse-Family Partnership that do much to assist families to be ready to parent.</p>
<p>Congratulations, and you have a wonderful, positive attitude.
I haven’t read through all post so sorry if I’m repeating a suggestion, but she should find out how child support works in your state. If they do not get married, I’m pretty sure her SO will have to pay something each month. That may factor into the Medicaid decision also.</p>
<p>Cromette-because your D is only 24, she will likely qualify, even living with the father, for any number of “young mother” programs. These range from parenting classes, to sober support groups, to cooking classes, etc. Around here there are programs offered by private organizations, community centers, local governments and of course religious groups. One that my mentee attends is simply a young mom’s group where they just meet and chat about being young moms. They have playtime for the kids and things like hairstyling or movie nights for the moms. The group even provides free transportation (volunteer drivers). </p>
<p>Normally I am a hands-off person for kids over 18, but I don’t think you’d be out of line to research such programs and giving your D a list with contact information. Being a single, young pregnant girl is stressful enough that she might not have thought of this.</p>
<p>sseamom - I’m not aware of any programs like that in our area…I mean there are Mom groups, but they’re not really what I think you’re talking about.</p>
<p>Hmmmm…will have to look into that. Thanks.</p>
<p>Nursekay, yes, thanks, on the Medicaid. We’re actually looking into that and the CHIP program.</p>
<p>It is possible that the dad’s mom is moving here to be very active in helping D1 care for the baby. I don’t really know him that well, and I don’t know his family at all.</p>