<p>Cromette-Our state has a “211” line, which is like the old 411 but for information on organizations that help with social issues. See if you have that or something like it, and you would be able to ask for exactly what you need in your area. If not, do a search for “young mom” or “teen mom” programs in your town and county. If you still aren’t finding anything, call your nearest high schools. Many many programs are not really teen only, but go up to 24 or 25. Also try searching low income moms-there is a “store” here where low income moms can get baby supplies, diapers, clothes, etc. for free, and they can hook up mother with other programs.</p>
<p>I am an administrative assistant at a church. We get so many calls for help that I made a list for Seattle area programs, etc. I was surprised at how much was out there.</p>
<p>Not sure which state you are in–S and DIL have received a lot from WA.–insurance and daycare $ most importantly.</p>
<p>Our G’son is a doll. That said the timing was not good. If I am honest I will say that while I understood “that babies are a blessing”…well, when things are off it does not resonate. I felt very hurt when a really close friend kept saying that. I had many mixed feelings and it just was not that simple and would have appreciate more depth to our conversation. Actually, while things appear to be working out, it is still not that simple. Lovely child and all. Just saying…</p>
<p>My D is older and in a different situation and I am just beginning to look forward to her (eventually) having a family.
So it is not that I do not want grandkids. Again, it can be tough when all the ducks are not yet in a row.</p>
<p>I am thinking of you and hoping for a healthy child!</p>
<p>Oregon, I hear you. Right now, for us, there are so many variables it’s hard to know what to feel or think.</p>
<p>I have a formula for such times. And that’s sort of what led me to this place I fimd myself now…mentally and emotionally. But yes, I read you loud and clear.</p>
<p>Cromette, hugs to you. This IS such an emotional issue. I admire the way you are quietly and calmly (at least outwardly!) Determining the best path for your family.</p>
<p>Your daughter and grandchild are so lucky to have you for support. Be there, have some resources to offer when asked, and keep breathing.
We have two adult children that we are still forming that new parenting mode with, no big issues YET. It isnt easy to know how to deal.</p>
<p>My own experience sounds similar to oregon101’s, so I’m going to weigh in with some “been there, done that” advice. Babies indeed are a blessing, and we all look forward to grandchildren. But some young women rise to the occasion (my own niece is a heartwarming example), while others just cannot. For my stepdaughter, the nurturing capacity was not there, did not develop, and still doesn’t exist even though she is now a grandmother herself. Personality disorders and bipolar disorder played a big part, and the dad was never in the picture. Our granddaughter–who is now married with a baby–did not have an easy life, is quite immature for her age, and struggles to develop life and relationship skills. But she is working hard to be a good mom.</p>
<p>My advice is to take a deep breath and decide on your own boundaries. You won’t be able to do this for her. Give her lots of support during her pregnancy and beyond. Tell her stories of her own childhood, and commiserate in a good-natured way about the not-so-enjoyable parts of pregnancy. Get out her baby and childhood things that you’ve saved for her to give her own children, or look for new versions of them. Recommend resources and organizations, and encourage her to find other pregnant women her age in online communities or in real life.</p>
<p>In the best-case scenario, your relationship with your D will grow in a positive way, she will adapt and be a good parent, and you’ll have a grandchild as a happy part of your life. But be realistic and prepared to cope with the many variables that you say are there. Mine is a longer story than this, but I don’t want to be too much of a downer–just a voice of realism! Best wishes and hugs to you.</p>
<p>“I had many mixed feelings and it just was not that simple and would have appreciate more depth to our conversation.”</p>
<p>Well said. OP is entitled to complicated feelings. I’m not a grandparent, but some people close to me have had pregnancy news that I could not greet with a lot of joy. The baby may be a blessing, but under some circumstances, parenting isn’t. Where addiction, abuse, or developmental problems are part of the picture…it’s a mixed picture at best. I’ve made the best of it, as others have. Hopefully we can all find friends who accept the validity of our mixed feelings.</p>
<p>I tend to take the tenor of the conversation from the one announcing the news. Oregon had some misgivings, and may rightfully feel not listened to by her friend if/when she tried to voice them.</p>
<p>OTOH, cromette clearly voiced a position of positive embrace of what may well be a complicated situation. And she might not feel listened to if someone ignores her stalwart acceptance to get her to see “reality.”</p>
<p>So that’s where, for each, if I knew them, I would stake my own response.</p>
<p>We all bring our experience to the table on a forum and its a good thing. I will add, as the child of one of these wild child mothers who only sort of rose to the occasion, my grandmother was MY blessing. </p>
<p>At the end of her life, I was hers. I was the one there for her as she had been for me. </p>
<p>Geezermom, I should have added you in that thanks. You actually triggered my initial thought. I think I’m going to take a picture to lunch with D1. It is of her and me when she was about 9 months old. I was 21. It was a happy picture. It will be something for us to oooh and ahhhh over, and then we can talk about things a bit.</p>
<p>I agree that setting boundaries with D1 will be absolutely crucial.</p>
<p>I want to be here as a safety net. Not a harness. This is her responsibility.</p>
<p>Update GD1 was born in early March, happy and healthy! She is quite adorable if I do say so myself. The dad is still firmly in the picture and they have an apartment together. His family is planning to travel to see them all next month. There is talk of a wedding, but we will see. This young family is not without its challenges. She was able to get insurance for the baby before the birth and she has managed to get some financial assistance for herself as well. She has secured someone to watch the baby while she takes some shifts, and is planning to go back to work.</p>
<p>I get lots of calls at all hours, some of them a little crazy, but that’s really nothing terribly new. They seem to be doing reasonably well, all things considered. Every day brings new challenges.</p>
<p>She has been substance free the whole time, and she’s nursing, so still careful. That is a blessing. She seems to grasp the magnitude of the responsibility…here’s for continued hope.</p>
<p>cromette, I am so glad your daughter and baby are both doing so well. Fingers crossed that she continues to live up to the responsibilities of motherhood! And it must be wonderful to see that baby girl!</p>