<p>How does becoming an emancipated minor work with financial aid?</p>
<p>Would being cut-off in terms of financial support due to one’s sexuality be considered “rebellious”?</p>
<p>My wife works with many older (over 30) gay male medical patients. The diseases and complications of living the lifestyle over the long term without being EXTREMELY careful and or lucky would boggle your mind. Unpleasant does not begin to describe it.</p>
<p>
It depends on where you live and settle. In large urban areas like New York and San Francisco you probably won’t encounter any difficulties, to the point that no one will notice or care. Movies are made about potential problems you could encounter in other parts of the country.</p>
<p>So, you may end up choosing to live in an area known to be accepting of gays, so that you can just live your life without your gayness being an issue.</p>
<p>“The diseases and complications of living the lifestyle over the long term”</p>
<p>What’s your point? The OP is gay. Are you saying that he should date girls even though he doesn’t like them? That he should lie to his parents? Or are you just trying to make sure that a (virgin) young boy feels as sad and fearful as possible about his future? Because that’s certainly what it looks like to me.</p>
<p>Anotherusername, I can’t claim to be a theologian, but I do know for sure that God does not make trash. MOST gay kids feel that they have to stay closeted during high school. It’s a difficult compromise, but if you decide that it’s the best strategy for you, know that there are tens of thousands of kids just like you sitting at their computers right now, and in just a couple of years, you’ll all be away from home and free to be yourselves 24 hours a day. You will find churches, communities, and families who embrace you 100%. You can have a long, SAFE, happy life. Hang in there just a little while longer.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Smaller communities that are the home to large, liberal-minded universities also may be gay-friendly, again to the point where your sexuality would be a non-issue.</p>
<p>I am just telling him the truth and to be very careful. What is the point of downplaying the dangers? That’s how we got where we are today.</p>
<p>“Opie, I could save up money to pay for my tuition and living, etc., but my parents would rather I not move away unless I’m in “good hands” with “extended” family”</p>
<p>Your missing the point. </p>
<p>Everything you want to do or wish to do involves breaking away. Is this some secret wish never to happen or do you really want to be free of so many things that you’ve said burden you? Are you just whining or do you really want to do your own thing?</p>
<p>I’m not even talking about the gay thing, as that’s just one aspect of the entire deal and that’s not all that big honestly. It sounds like your tired of your religion and lifestyle, yet at the same time… it’s my parents “won’t let me”. That’s just being whinny… </p>
<p>My point was start planning and saving just as you would for a new home, a car or a trip. It all starts with saving your money and planning ahead. At some point you’ll be 18 and legally on your own. Your parents may not like what you do then, but if they aren’t paying your bills, you can listen, but you don’t have to do. </p>
<p>It isn’t easy, but then again your here complaining because your current situation is making you miserable. no? So what you are worried about leaving it behind for?</p>
<p>Thanks for the support Hanna. </p>
<p>Barrons, do you have any specific sites you’d be willing to share regarding that issue?</p>
<p>Opie, you’re making it sound much more simple than it really is. I don’t like disclosing every single detail on the thread due to privacy reasons, but as many CC members have experienced through PM there’s much more to it that not many people could understand.</p>
<p>^^Anotherusername, I have numerous gay friends who are perfectly healthy and happy. Don’t get the idea that being gay is some kind of an inevitable tragedy.</p>
<p>The issue here is not unsafe sexual practices, those can lead to diseases regardless of sexual orientation. The current issue is dealing with being gay, not acting on one’s hormones. Being gay or straight is part of who one is, being promiscuous is a different issue. In the ideal world it would be easy for gays to be as monogamous as straights and therefore avoid many lifestyle problems. It is always hard to be different than the majority of the population, a long list of conditions with accompanying problems can be made. Any fears of the health consequences of being gay won’t change the fact of one’s sexual orientation. Acting on one’s desires is a different issue entirely, let’s let this young man first be able to cope with who he is- later he can deal with making lifestyle choices.</p>
<p>“you’re making it sound much more simple than it really is”</p>
<p>No, you’re the one making it harder than it is. In so many ways you just want to do your own thing… raise your hand if that hasn’t crossed your mind CCers. </p>
<p>The Gay thing is part of it, the religion thing another, the family control another and so on and so on… IT’s not that special of a situation, it’s a situation. It is simple… you don’t like where you’re at now, work to change it. </p>
<p>You’re not Rapunsel stuck up in a tower, you can take steps to change anything you want. IF you want to. It really is simple. </p>
<p>Of course, I may be mistaking your posts for wanting to change your situation, instead you may just be complaining, looking for an ear and an awwww… </p>
<p>Which is it?</p>
<p>My parents are incredibly open minded about things like sexual orientation (the majority of their close friends are openly gay and they devote a fair amount of time to fighting on behalf of gay rights causes) and their religion (a very very half-hearted Episcopalian) is very accepting but I still didn’t actually come out to them for about a year after I was out to all of my friends. I wasn’t necessarily hiding anything from them - I never made any attempt to cover anything up, the topic just never came up. My parents have both always made sure to give my brother and I as much space as we want with our relationships (my parents often find out that my brother is dating someone only 6 months into the relationship when they happen to meet her). I actually came out to my parents over small talk a few months ago. I mentioned that I had a date planned and my mom asked “with whom.” to which I replied “This guy from school. We met at a party a while back.” I think her reply was something along the lines of “oh, I didn’t realize you were dating guys now; that’s cool.”<br>
I’m telling you this not because I imagine that your coming out experience would be the same as mine, but because I don’t think that you’re necessarily lying to yourself (or even anyone else, unless they ask you pointblank if you’re gay or if you start making up girlfriends) if you don’t tell your parents. A major part of college is learning what role your parents should play in your life. If your parents don’t seem like they would be that accepting of your being gay, then maybe you shouldn’t tell them that you’re gay or tell them about anyone that you’re dating right now. At some point in your life, you’ll want to tell them, unless you plan on making up stories whenever you come to family gatherings to explain why you’re still single when you’re actually in a relationship. </p>
<p>The one thing that I’d caution you to do is make sure that you have a decent safety net of some sort if you’re planning on your parents paying your tuition. I’ve had friends from conservative families who have had the whole range of reactions: from surprising everyone by being totally accepting, to saying that they’re entirely uncomfortable with it and that they’re praying for him to heal but continue to pay his tuition and all living expenses, to telling their 18 year old son that he was no longer welcome in their home and that they never wanted to hear from him again. If you plan on telling your parents and are sincerely worried that they’ll cut you off financially, you might want to consider a college where you could get a full ride (or close to it). Another option that you could look into is the Point Foundation, which focuses on giving scholarships to people in your position.</p>
<p>Just in case it becomes necessary:</p>
<p>“Do your parents refuse to help you apply for financial aid?”</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.kidscounsel.org/dependency%20override.pdf[/url]”>http://www.kidscounsel.org/dependency%20override.pdf</a></p>
<p>Also:</p>
<p>[FinAid</a> | Professional Judgment | Dependency Overrides](<a href=“http://www.finaid.org/educators/pj/dependencyoverrides.phtml]FinAid”>http://www.finaid.org/educators/pj/dependencyoverrides.phtml)</p>
<p>We have college interns who live in our home for a month and do winter term projects, career shadowing and so on. We’re not their parents, just a host family, but we invite them to interact for a month as if they were part of our family. </p>
<p>Over the years, a few mentioned that they are gay once they could see we were the accepting sort of people, although religious as I mentioned before.
Some opened up and swapped stories around the dinner table, while others preferred to just keep it pretty much to themselves. Or they’d swap a story saying “my friend” not “my boyfriend.” </p>
<p>I can understand why someone might long to be able to speak freely within a family, after interacting this way with several college students. They shared stories about their same-gender partners in response to typical family conversations when our own kids spoke about their other-gender partners.
Nobody came to visit, but if they had I suppose we’d have applied the same obnoxious rules our own kids hate: all are welcome, but no same bedrooms (straight or gay)! </p>
<p>Had we been their real parents, surely they’d have needed to be able to process information and ask authentic questions as their life journey moved forward, such as: should we do the same summer program together? what if one transfers, should I stay put? All those usual questions kids have as they discover friendship, love and relationships. Any kid would want to bounce it off of their families for advice, or simply share some funny stories to be part of the family mood. This would all be welcome and unsurprising if the partner were of another gender, but when the partner is same gender, then in SOME families (certainly not all, as is evident on this forum), some kids stay hushed about it or use code words to participate in the talk of family life. </p>
<p>At the same time, this OP has concerns about rejection and excommunication,
which would cause him great loneliness. Posters have also introduced the ideas that tuition funding might be withdrawn, at worst. </p>
<p>Perhaps it’s a matter of weighing which SET of problems you are ready and willing to deal with. I think many parents are suggesting that the pricetag for not mentioning your sexual orientation at THIS moment (not forever) is less than the heavy pricetag for opening things up right now as college looms. </p>
<p>So I continue to advise, “Wait.” I don’t know how long, but at least until you are established on campus and have more friends and emotional resources to fall back upon. It just sounds like a safer bet.</p>
<p>BTW, I don’t quite understand why you think your parents will embrace your attending a school “famous for its liberal-ness.” I wondered about that, even though I think that’s exactly the kind of school that would help you find your way most positively. It’s okay because whenever parents visit a campus, they find all kinds of crazy things to fuss about, so that’s par for the course.</p>
<p>Thanks, I think I’ve come to terms with what the plan is, which is just wait and then when I’m established, reveal it. Thank you all so very much for your support and wisdom! Your children are all very happy to have parents like you.</p>
<p>And I don’t think they’ll embrace it, but they don’t know much about universities and ultimately since I’ll be living with a host family, it’s irrelevant.</p>
<p>you can still live a great life without everyone knowing your bizness!!! SOmetimes, in life, you unfortuneately, it is necessary to postpone things just to get to where you want to be, if you get my drift</p>
<p>and you know, who knows what will happen in the next year…</p>
<p>I would be thinking, about finding ways to start financiing your own life, parttime work, work study, that kind of thing, the sooner you are financially independant, the freerer you will be, that is just the reality</p>
<p>and that doesn’t mean you are lying or anything, you are dealing with your current reality</p>
<p>good luck!!! and it will be fine and you wil be surprised at what you find in college and the outside world, so be sure and find that world, even if you are with a host family…volunteer ALOT if that is how you can get some freedom, who can say no to that?</p>
<p>anotherusername, I’m glad you feel confident about what you’re going to do. I just wanted to add that if you have doubts in the dark of night…that’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’ve made a bad choice. It just means that you found yourself in a dilemma with no easy answer. And someday this will be a story you share with gay friends who all went through the same thing.</p>
<p>There’s an awful lot of info here that I’ve had to skim. And I don’t know personally anyone who’s gone through this. Actually, I take that back; I do, and he was accepted completely by his parents. Who don’t sound like yours.</p>
<p>My contribution to this thread: Check out a book, written in the early '50s, called “Consenting Adults.” It’s by Laura Z. Hobson, and your library should have it. It’s about an 18-year-old boy who tells his mother that he’s gay. She tries to have him “cured,” through therapy, which was the style in the '50s. Ultimately, she accepts him, while the father never does.</p>
<p>It’s a very good read, and you will probably get more out of it than I did.</p>
<p>BTW: If either of my sons told me he was gay, I’d hug them and tell them I love them, and I’d only be sad because life would be tougher for them than if they were hetero. But that’s all.</p>
<p>The diseases and complications of living a heterosexual lifestyle over the long term without being EXTREMELY careful and or lucky would boggle your mind. Everyone should be very careful. Need I elaborate?</p>