<p>Yes that is possible too, but it is very common in the urban male gay community and to lie about does nobody any good. Being PC kills people.</p>
<p>Nobody is suggesting that one should lie about it. It does appear, however, that you are putting the cart before the horse in this case.</p>
<p>I agree with twinmom. There are so many ways to be unhappy, and I have seen so many unhappy marriages that I would not conclude that life is necessarily more unhappy for gay people. I know many very happy gay couples, and single people, too.</p>
<p>I don’t think we need to hold onto that idea that we’re sad for someone just because of sexual orientation or that life will necessarily be more of a challenge.</p>
<p>BTW: I named my son after my dear dear gay friend. My friend is a musician and so is my son. My friend said, “He’s a musician like me. What if he’s gay like me.” “Then he is. So what?” And my son loves his name, and my friend loved that a child was named after him. And my friend was unhappy when he was fourteen and first realized he was gay, but once he accepted himself he was quite content with his life except for the very mean professor in his MFA program who did not support his piano.</p>
<p>Also, alcohol related vehicular accidents and homicide are the leading causes of death for young men. These are associated with leading the “macho” straight life style (barroom brawls, etc.) </p>
<p>Driving is dangerous, but we don’t take cars away from young people. We teach them responsibility. IMO same goes here. People love whom they love. Just the way it is.</p>
<p>Yep, Mythmom. Gotta agree. Gay people have ups and downs just like everyone else.</p>
<p>barrons makes a valid point; one does need to be more careful as a sexually active gay man, especially in an urban setting. That’s it. Nothing bigoted about that, just factual.</p>
<p>I realize that my discussion of my friend is all in the past tense, but he is very much alive and well. We have drifted apart a bit, sadly for me, so that might account for my use of the past tense.</p>
<p>1of42: Definitely true. It just does not go to the concerns of the OP at this point in his life.</p>
<p>Um. For a while straight women in minority, urban settings were the fastest growing AIDs population.</p>
<p>Maybe I should worry about my son because he likes pasta, especially fettuccini alfredo. It’s true, he only weights 135 lbs, but heart disease is going to get him. (Well, I actually do tell him to be careful with what he eats because it will catch up with him, but I would not tell him to give up Italian food, just to be more responsible.)</p>
<p>I think Hanna’s point is excellent. The OP is gay. It’s a given, so why add negative freight to that?</p>
<p>Don’t know why S likes pasta so much. Sigh.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes, and barrons didn’t tell the OP not to be gay, or not to be sexually active, just implied that he should be careful.</p>
<p>So what’s your problem with what he posted again?</p>
<p>Anyways, maybe we should move on past this little tangent. ;)</p>
<p>You are right, we should move on, but I want to answer your question. The mention of diseases was extraneous to the question posed by OP and introduced negativity about being gay. I’m sure the OP has quite enough of that already. That’s all. It was barrons earlier comment but together with the later one.</p>
<p>I’m not saying that he didn’t mean well, but there’s an undertone that I think is unnecessary here. I work with college freshman (professor) and many are quite distraught about their sexual orientation. Although some religious people may disagree, the APA has decided that sexual orientation is not “curable,” or changeable.</p>
<p>Sorry but I hear very sad stories about lots of guys for whom it is too late, like the nice psychologist who is under 40 but needs extensive painful reconstructive surgery due to anal cancer which is not uncommon. And fast growing rates have very little to do with current reality of which AIDS is just a part. Going from one to two is an increase of 100% but it’s still two. I really don’t care that he’s gay at all. But young gay men are the ones that you need to warn. It’s too late for many of the older ones. That’s not negativity–that’s reality from a colon-rectal surgery practice in the heart of Seattle.</p>
<p>Still, Barrons concern to mention diseases rightfully belongs under the OP’s original question, asking what about being gay might make any parent uncomfortable or concerned, whatever.</p>
<p>I’m sure that if this were a thread about a straight young woman announcing her engagement, barrons would offer up some helpful stories about vaginal fistulas, ruptured ectopic pregnancies, and eclampsia leading to stroke, paralysis, and death.</p>
<p>After all, when a young woman gets married, her chances of becoming pregnant during the next ten years skyrocket above 90%, and barrons is just interested in making sure that everybody knows all the risks of the lifestyle they’ve chosen.</p>
<p>Right?</p>
<p>Your type of attitude is the problem that lead to 1000’s of needless deaths. Don’t talk about a real common problem because it might hurt some feelings or make a group look bad. I could not care less what other people do. But they need to know the risks and the downside too–especially when they are young. They don’t see many female patients for the same problems so this is just a fact common in gay men.<br>
I think my wife has a real feeling about this because her son is over 30 and gay so she worries what might happen to him. Luckily he is pretty conservative and has had one partner for many years so that gives her some peace.</p>
<p>Wait. Don’t we address disease with the same advice for straight or gay couples: practice safe sex, and eventually hope for loyalty, honesty, kindness and consistency with a single partner. In the meantime, don’t be promiscuous or partner with strangers whose health history is an unknown to you.</p>
<p>For better and for worse, I’m no colon-rectal specialist, but isn’t that good advice for a young man at the age of the OP?</p>
<p>yeah, like there are no STDs in the suburban straight teen populations </p>
<p>lets be blunt- use a condom…and get yourself information…just cause you can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful</p>
<p>that goes for gays and straights</p>
<p>I could say the same about your callous attitude toward the thousands of young women who will suffer fistulae and eclampsia and even death. How many childless single women do you know who’ve had to endure major abdominal surgery, complete with uterine suturing? It’s just a fact that this invasive, painful surgery has become a veritable rite of passage for more than 30% of married moms, many of them more than once.</p>
<p>Obviously, the right time to talk about these risks is day one, minute one, as soon as a 14-year-old girl starts drawing hearts around her crush’s name on her social studies notebook. They need to know the risks and the downside, too – especially when they are young. While we’re at it, we should make sure they know the immense emotional risk of having a sick or premature baby and having to watch it suffer.</p>
<p>Where’s all your selfless concern for these young women? Seems to me that you think the right time to talk about the risks of pregnancy is, you know, when a woman is thinking of getting pregnant, NOT when she’s a teenager having her first crush on a boy and wondering whether it’s normal. I agree. And that goes for gay kids, too.</p>
<p>“Don’t we address disease with the same advice for straight or gay couples”</p>
<p>Right: COUPLES. The OP is a virgin who’s never even been on a date with another boy. He’s facing the realistic possibility of losing both his family and his church because of who he is. The people closest to him are going to tell him that he’s unnatural and perverted. He’s got his hands full with that right now, and that’s what he asked us about.</p>
<p>Anyway, p3t, your post is the first in the thread (although I’ve been PMing the OP about this) to offer any real health advice. If barrons’ first post had said “Remember, be monogamous and use condoms every time, and here’s a link to a great web site you can show your parents that tells gay men how to stay safe,” I’d be 100% on board with that. But he offered horror stories about how painful it is to have your colon sliced up and the implication that only a tiny fraction of gay men are “EXTREMELY careful and lucky” enough to avoid this horrible fate. Do you think that barrons offered up these contributions out of concern for this young man’s best interests? Well, I don’t. I’ll leave it at that.</p>
<p>As I understand it, the gay community in San Francisco was the first to practice safe sex in the l980’s in response to the first years of the AIDS epidemic, and taught everyone else how to emphasize condoms as an STD, not pregancy, issue. So credit where it is due. </p>
<p>Then I read that as AIDS treatments began to lengthen lives somewhat rather than be an automatic quick death, some of the younger gay men of the l990’s mistakenly backed away from condom use, feeling that they could “live with AIDS” as a worst-case outcome. Mistake.</p>
<p>(hANNA, we crossposted. Mine was not a response to your post, but composed simultaneously! Just wanted you to know that.)</p>
<p>p3t, you are correct on all counts. But the OP is a long way away from the bathhouses at this point in his life. I’ve been offering some safety resources on PM and perhaps others have as well.</p>
<p>I never imagined bathhouses. All I wrote above has nothing to do with “bathhouses.”</p>
<p>I’m out of my league here. Best wishes to all.</p>