<p>DH likes to ruminate in the privacy of his own head for what seems like extended periods of time when dealing with a question/issue which begs for a more multi-layered response than a simple yes/no. If pressed during this rumination period DH will give me ‘the look’ which translates into…I am deeply in thought so stop babbling. Then…at a later point…sometimes minutes…sometimes much longer…out will pop a response. It is often confusing because now I have no idea of the thought process. Kind of like that part in Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy where the answer is ‘42’. We argue about whether is something worth arguing about. Of course this just sends DH into rumination mode.</p>
<p>So, after 22 years of marriage I am now working on the simpler things which bug me…like say Gesundheit when I sneeze…If I speak at least acknowledge in some manner (grunt, eye rolling, hmmmmm) that you have heard me.</p>
<p>But, I’ll bet if asked DH could probably (after a long silent rumination period) identify a few things about my communications style which he finds sub-par.</p>
<p>When I’m going to be late getting home, this is what I say…</p>
<p>“I’m running errands, I’ll be home by 7pm.”</p>
<p>This is my H…</p>
<p>“I was thinking about coming home in 30 minutes, but then I realized I may need to stay a bit longer to work on X. I would have had it done earlier but a meeting ran over. I’m thinking about going to the gym for 90 minutes, but now I think I may only work out for 60 since my arm muscles are still hurting from the reps I did yesterday. I think I’ll work on my thighs tonight and sit in the sauna for 10 minutes. I may need to stop first and get new ear buds for my iTouch. I may get gas after that so that may delay things a bit more. I…” </p>
<p>Ugh…just get to the point and say…I’ll be home between 7:30 and 8. lol I don’t need to hear the blow by blow of the minutia of your plans if they don’t affect me. I don’t give a rat’s patootie if you’re going to work on abs, thighs, or sit in the sauna for 10 or 20 minutes. And, since I’ve never complained that you have to work late, I don’t need a detailed reason for that, either. </p>
<p>Honestly, if I (a woman) gave such a detailed account to him, he’d be tuned out after the first 5 words. Can you imagine any guy listening to: “I was going to come home at 5:30, but then I got to thinking that my roots need color so I’m going to buy some 10 minute touch up to hold me over til I can get an appt. Then, I think I need a new top for my jeans, so I’ll stop and get that. I saw a cute one at Kohls last week. It’s now 20% off. My blue dress is dirty so I’m dropping that off at the dry cleaners. My favorite lipstick melted in the hot car so I need to get a new one…” </p>
<p>My H would shoot himself in the head if I ever did that to him.</p>
<p>Do you find your H has nothing to say to you in the house, but as soon as they walk the door they feel it’s necessary to call you to let you know blow by blow what they are doing?</p>
<p>^ Every male in my house that heads to the grocery can’t make it out of the neighborhood before they call…literally, not even out of the gate. One of the said males has worked at this grocery store for 3yrs. Really son? You can’t get through your own store without calling home for clarification. I make a list online at the grocery store website with the specific items (brand, size, everything). It has a picture of the item, lists them in logical order with the aisle number, and includes a map of the store. STILL I get calls. They don’t talk in the house all day but suddenly in the grocery store they get chatty and want to talk about every item in detail. Amazing.</p>
<p>Oldfort - your last comment really struck a cord. That makes me crazy as well! The phone calls sometimes start as he’s backing down the driveway.</p>
<p>If we have a disagreement, and it turns out she was right, I get in trouble.
If we have a disagreement, and it turns out I was right, I get in BIG trouble.</p>
<p>Oh, my- we have so many of these- may have to print it to show the kids we’re normal. My yelling up the stairs, his second guessing me- even if I said something clearly, even if I wrote it down! We have different parenting syles. He (and the kids) can’t, simply can’t, load the dishwasher efficiently. I often start a conversation in the middle of a paragraph- annoys him. When he does it- annoys me. Ha. He does tend to do the vague^ thing (running through pages of detail before I know what the subject is.) When I say ok, he KNOWS it means not ok. </p>
<p>Today: Him: Looks like I can finish A and B (house projects) this summer, but not both. Since you don’t want to help me…
Me: Wha-? I just worked on this yesterday with you.</p>
<p>Funny thing: people always comment how well we get along and how clear it is we love each other.<br>
Thank you all for posting frankly.</p>
<p>He was of the opinion I would stick a knife too far into the Miracle Whip jar and my opinion was this is just too trivial to have an opinion on, esp from the non-Miracle Whip consumer.</p>
<p>Could you imagine a conflict-free marriage? </p>
<p>It reminds me of the old joke:</p>
<p>A genie appears to a man on the beach and says he can have three wishes.</p>
<p>He wishes for the usual endless money and health, and then he wishes for world peace</p>
<p>The genie says, “I dont think you really want that.”</p>
<p>“No, I do,” the man says. “I want world peace.”</p>
<p>“All right,” the genie says. “You asked for it.”</p>
<p>Poof. Big exlosion. Genie vanishes. Guy walks off the beach, nothing is there. No people anywhere on the planet. Suddenly he realizes he is all alone, not one other person in the world. World peace.</p>
<p>So: “What do you call a conflict-free marriage? Being single.”</p>
<p>Two recurring arguments spanning all 32 years of an otherwise harmonious marriage – Film Noir and genealogy.</p>
<p>DH loves Film Noir. I hate it. Puts me right to sleep. Cant’ stand it.</p>
<p>DH is also very into tracing the old family tree. Don’t know why but I find that whole endeavor to be really obnoxious. Is their anything more boring than people going on and on about their ancestors?</p>
<p>So we argue over two things he really likes and I don’t like.</p>
<p>Oh, and sometimes we argue over who is getting older faster. He says he is and I say I am and we dispute that.</p>
<p>sewhappy: my DH is into genealogy too & I don’t get it. Sometimes he’s so focused on the past that he doesn’t pay much attention to the present or future. His mother was like that too…could it be genetic?</p>
<p>We rarely fight about anything, but if we did… I think many husbands share this issue, Toby Keith summed it up:</p>
<p>We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you’ve been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you’ve been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we’re gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile</p>
<p>**I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about meeeeee **</p>
<p>Every male in my house that heads to the grocery can’t make it out of the neighborhood before they call…</p>
<p>I can’t win either way…</p>
<p>If I send H to the store without detailed directions as to brand, COLOR of container!, location in store, etc, he can’t find it and will insist that they didn’t have any or that it’s my fault for not giving better info.</p>
<p>if I send H to the store with detailed info (written), then he’s annoyed that I’m treating him like a child.</p>
<p>:rolleyes:</p>
<p>he’s the same way with car directions in unfamiliar areas…if I mention that our turn (or off-ramp) is coming up, he’ll say (with a tone), “I know.”</p>
<p>if I don’t mention that our turn is coming up and he misses it, he’ll say, “Would you help me out here and tell me where I need to go.”</p>
<p>mantori.suzuki I can so relate to your post. I often tell my husband that I feel like conversations between us are like a tennis match and I’ve hit the ball to him and there he is, standing with the racket at his side with a blank expression. Ummm, hello? Or I will tell him that I ask a question or make a comment and all I hear is “crickets”. Makes you wonder what the big guy was thinking when he made men and women so completely different.</p>
<p>DH is an insomniac and I desperately need my sleep. It took many years for him to realise I could not help him sleep and we would all be sorry if he woke me up to keep him company!</p>
<p>On the talking from other rooms or when the water is running, why is it MY fault if I did not hear you and also MY fault if you did not hear me. It can’t be both!</p>
<p>DH is more of a roamer/dreamer and I am much more pragmatic and rooter. He says buzzkill when I find the flaws in ideas, but hey, I’ve lived through the consequences. We have finally figured out that before I am comfortable making an important decisions, I need to know what could go wrong, discussing that does not mean I am against it, it means I need to know the downside, whereas mister optimistic only sees the good possibilities. But, then, if things go wrong, he is so disappointed. We balance each other well, once we stopped trying to fix the other one :D</p>
<p>One of us wastes water with long showers, the other wastes shampoo/toothpaste/etc by using more than really necessary. We’ve come to the conclusion it works out and have shut up about it.</p>