I’ve never seen any evidence of that in anyone I know and I’ve probably been to a couple of hundred weddings and know details of many more. It would be silly to expect that just because you spend little on a wedding that your marriage has a better chance of succeeding. These wedding threads always seem to devolve into negative comments about what people spend. Spend what works for you and don’t feel the need to denigrate someone else’s choices.
I’m not speaking for @EarlVanDorn but maybe he meant that it doesn’t matter how much you spend on a wedding. Cheaper weddings or expensive weddings, doesn’t matter, they don’t predict how long the marriage will last.
I’m the first person to admit that my brain is faster than my typing and that I don’t always write what I mean.
It’s possible in that if you are committed to an elaborate wedding, it will be harder to pull out at the last minute. IF you are having an inexpensive wedding, you may be freer to run away from your own wedding preventing a future divorce. Or it could be that people who have an expensive wedding may be more mindful of what others think that can get in the way of married life.
My take on @EarlVanDorn 's wedding was that it was VERY expensive, lol. It’s funny how perspective works.
20k would have gotten me my dream wedding at WDW back in 1993 
I remember getting the brochure, seeing the starting price of 20k and going “oh well”.
Regardless, his assertion that expensive weddings equal future marital unhappiness is, um, well, I think he’s just pulling opinions out of a hat and presenting them as fact.
Not only is there no evidence to support the proposition, but any evidence would be meaningless without a lot of further analysis. Let’s say there were studies showing that there was some negative correlation between average cost of wedding and average length of marriage. The reason could simply be, on average, those with the lowest cost weddings are the poorest, and those same people might be stuck in marriages for economic reasons.
Divorce is expensive, and breaking a household into two households is out of reach economically for many unhappily married people. Are those people less likely to divorce? Who knows. Are they more likely to have had inexpensive weddings? Equally unclear.
Plus I think it is a fallacy to say a marriage is a failure just because it ultimately ends in divorce. My ex and I separated after 23 years of marriage but many of the early years were very, very happy.
The statement came from the article. But not sure who the study really represents. About 50% of the respondents had weddings that cost <=$5,000 and only 25% had household incomes of over $75,000. I would think that economic stress would be high at spending a lot of money on a wedding, if the income was low. It may also be that a couple that wants to spend a lot (relative to income) on their wedding continues to have economic stress or be unsatisfied with their economic status moving on in life. That can be stressful.
Did you guys all have an expensive wedding to fume over something so minor? What is an expensive wedding these day? Roughly speaking?
@MotherOfDragons For the record we didn’t spend $20,000 on the wedding. The rehearsal dinner cost a little more than $4,000. It’s hard to have a seated dinner for 80 with alcohol for less than that. We also funded our fairly short honeymoon in Florence, Italy.
Here’s a link to an article concerning wedding costs and marriage longevity:
http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/13/living/wedding-expenses-study/
I remember hearing about that study too.
Two things - super expensive weddings that are more about show and overly tax the marrying couple financially are an obvious no brainier to end quickly.
And, more and more they are “studies” being reported that are a gross distortion of the tiny little facts they reveal. Does hugging your dog make your dog anxious? Does smelling farts ward off cancer? Does drinking champagne often prevent Alzheimer’s?
No, no, and no, but all those sensational headlines were pulled out of limited studies on animals and freely abused by the media. John Oliver did a funny piece on it recently. YMMV.
This is a hilarious typo. 
That’s not true? well darn 
^^I’m going to stick with it being true. I love Champagne.
Apologies if someone has already posted this, but here is a hilarious take on questions about what a wedding costs:
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/05/22/nyregion/save-the-date-for-our-250000-wedding.html
Right on point!
Some research has suggested that champagne does nave neuroprotective properties https://www.researchgate.net/publication/223205458_Potential_Health_Effects_of_Champagne_Wine_Consumption
*have, not nave.
Meanwhile, back to some serious discussion – if you all are up for it.
S1 and his fiancee are planning their wedding, to occur in October 2017. They have made a lengthy list of things to deal with – eg, bride’s dress, rehearsal dinner, flowers, bridesmaid dresses. And they’re starting to think about venues. (Happily, they will be having the wedding near where DH and I live.)
The bride and groom will be organizing and orchestrating the bulk of the festivities.
How do we decide how much to contribute? How much they spend determines how big the wedding will be and where it will take place. But how big the wedding is and where it takes place determines how much they spend. Which comes first – the guest list and the location, or the budget? DH and I are comfortable and can make a nice contribution. But I don’t want to outshine the bride’s family, or look like I’m hoping for an extravaganza. So I have no idea whether to offer $5,000 or $30,000.
Someone has suggested that we offer to pay for pieces, rather than offer a dollar amount. In other words, We’ll pay for the rehearsal dinner (but will it be for 10 people, or for everyone from out of town?) and the liquor (but will it be beer and wine, or hard liquor too?). So how do we offer to pay for something without knowing what we’re offering to pay for?
And once we’ve determined how much we want to contribute, how do we raise this with the bride and groom and with the bride’s parents? I’m concerned that the bride’s parents are not as comfortable as DH and I and I don’t want to overshadow them or offend them.
I need guidance. Thanks in advance.
I think in your shoes I’d have a heart to heart with your son. Tell him (or them) that you want to contribute and help them have the wedding of their dreams, but you understand that traditionally it’s been the bride’s responsibilty to cough up most of the money and you don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. You’d be happy to do a big or small rehearsal dinner, fund the open bar, pay for the honeymoon - whatever makes them feel comfortable. They probably have a reasonably idea by now of what the range is for what they would like.
Way back when my parents refused to give me a budget - they were happy to pay for whatever I wanted. It drove me crazy. I’m naturally a very frugal person, but I wanted a number. But after I’d done some research and thought about it, I had a better idea of what I couldn’t afford, and they could.
One way you can “decide how much” is first to think about this a little BEFORE the ring gets on the girl’s finger - when you see/hear a relationship getting serious, start having the $$ talk with your spouse or a heart to heart with yourself about what you can afford.
At that point, kind of look like whatever amount you decide on as a gift - a wedding gift perhaps. A way of saying - “you’re getting married! We want to give you ___ $$$ to plan the wedding/start your future”. You may not give a dime past that amount throughout the wedding process - or, you may decide to help out a bit more or give another check or gift as an actual wedding gift or whatever - but that initial gift - that is a determined amount that you want to hand over to the couple for their future.
I suppose some people might really might be in the frame of mind that they don’t want excessive cash spent on a wedding and say - “here’s $2000 to plan your wedding” - and then give a bigger check when it’s all said and done as a gift - AFTER the wedding expenses are done.
@VeryHappy, I think you are being very thoughtful and considerate. Plus you make good points!
I suggest you tell your son you are happy to contribute, and are in a position to make a significant contribution, but don’t want to overstep.
He can then communicate this to the future bride, who can either discuss with her parents and then get back to your son, who can fill you in, or may want to discuss openly as a group.
You can easily get data on average wedding costs in your area to get an idea, and then go up or down from there.
For my son’s wedding, we told him, his fiancee and the fiancee’s parents that we would be happy to help with whatever they wanted. We ended up covering rehearsal dinner, engagement and wedding photography and flowers, and a few more minor items. The bride’s parents are handling the wedding reception – meal, music, etc.
Relax and enjoy!
We covered Friday night dinner, alcohol, etc (every wedding guest was invited) and transportation to/from the venue that night. We also paid for all the flowers, part of the honeymoon (our choice) an engagement party, a $$ wedding gift and some other stuff. Was not inexpensive.