<p>Speaking of sports, cgm, another very good sport to help boys build their confidence, and sometimes their reputation, is wrestling. I have a son who is on the small side, but tough as nails. He started wrestling in middle school, and the best thing about it is that he’s able to compete on a school team against other boys that are his same size. Being small has never held him back, partly due to his attitude. Once I asked him if being smaller than most of his friends ever bothered him, and he said, “No, not really, it actually made me popular, because everyone knows me.”</p>
<p>zoos not directed at you but in general to this theme. </p>
<p>“Do we know that the OP’s son actually can whup the bully? What if he can’t and gets his head handed to him and actually gets injured?”</p>
<p>If the prospect is your gonna get beaten anyway, why not defend yourself? </p>
<p>Here’s the thing, getting physical with a bully is only done after the bully gets physical. Words are either to be ignored or responded to in kind. Self defense is not an aggressive behavor as several here seem to think. Self defense is when you are physically touched in a way you feel threatened. Is that a basis we all can agree on? It is not a means to exact revenge or attack. Self defense is a response to someone else’s aggressive behavor. </p>
<p>My point has been if you’re going to take a beating, you might as well get yours while it’s happening. I would never again encourage any child to “turn the other cheek” or walk away if the confrontation gets physical. It simply doesn’t stop, in the real world.</p>
<p>All the policies in the world aren’t going to help your child while they’re getting pounded on, later possibly, but not at the momment. What if the rules don’t apply? As we reported a major beating to the school about my son, it was as he was walking home, off school property, nothing they could do about suspensions, doesn’t apply. They did talk to the three and within 24 hours after the talk, they attacked my kid again because of the talk. </p>
<p>Except this time he defended himself, knocking out a tooth of one and breaking another one’s nose. The third ran away. Think of Ralphy in a Christmas Story. </p>
<p>Everyone got suspended, even mine. They never bothered him again, yet done of the three made it to HS. They didn’t stop, they just moved on to someone else. And the three bullies parents pointed out, mine (in his self defense), broke a nose and chipped a tooth of two of them, isn’t he (my kid) to be held more responsible for the fight even though he didn’t start it? Again whose value system applies? </p>
<p>And as I’ve said if you always apply what your values are to the situation, you will allways be dissappointed. Humiliated parents? Are you sure? Bullies learn their behavor somewhere, usually at home. Some here are also making the assumption that the bully actually cares about punishment. Yet to meet one bully kid that gave a rats behind about trouble. Many welcome it because it brings attiention they aren’t getting elsewhere (home). </p>
<p>In an ideal world, I would agree with so many posters here. But, there’s a big difference in what we would like and what is. </p>
<p>And be aware it doesn’t stop. Freshman year in college, a big football player decided at a party that he needed to kick my average sized son’s ass. They didn’t know each other and who knows why the guy decided on mine. </p>
<p>“I’m gonna kick yur ass…” to which my son replied “Ya you probably will, but is it worth going through the rest of your life with one eye?” “You’ll get yours, but I’ll get mine. Is it worth it to you?” The guy stepped back, paused and then smiled and moved away. Prey is prey only when it won’t defend itself. </p>
<p>I wish nobody’s kid has to deal with a physical confrontation, but please don’t tell your kids to just take it when someone hits them. It doesn’t work.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I’ve agreed with Opie all the way through this. I’ve seen this many, many times; not in bullying of my sons but just observing, in their innocence, their shock many times in how truly rotten people can be. Luckily though my boys are the sensitive, vulnerable types, they’ve always been way taller and broader than all the other guys. No kid would dream of messing with them. However, if they did get messed with I (and my husband, for sure!) would agree with Opie.</p>
<p>Opie, I couldn’t agree with you more. </p>
<p>Thankfully my boys have never been bullied, but we gave them the same advice you gave your son. Never start it, if possible diffuse it or walk away, but if attacked go down fighting. We told them that with zero tolerance in school, there would be the possibility that the bully and the victim would get the same punishment, but we would never punish them for defending themselves.</p>
<p>My husband learned that the hard way when he was a kid around the age of 11 or 12. He was small, like the son I was talking about in the above post, but unfortunately for my husband there was a bully in his neighborhood. His parents took him to boxing lessons and he got the confidence to finally fight back. (This was a neighborhood thing, not a school thing). My husband only had to defend himself once, because the bullying stopped when he fought back. It was a valuable lesson for him.</p>
<p>In so many cases the bully does learn this deplorable behavior at home, and working with the parents may not be the answer. </p>
<p>Of course, each and every situation is different. It depends on the kids, the environment, the amount of bullying going on. In the scenario of a group of boys against one, the kid really doesn’t stand a chance. Often times this is how a bully and their minions run.</p>
<p>Hey Opie, thanks for setting out your point of view. I’m a girly-girl who had two girls before my teeny-weeny-widdle man and I’ve never thought about this stuff before. You’re absolutely right that I want him to get his in if the need ever arises. I guess I just thought that the school should handle it, but you’ve made me think that maybe a man needs to know how to defend himself. Hmmmm. Food for thought.</p>
<p>Thanks Zoos,</p>
<p>It’s actually good to see alot of people whom normally I disagree with on other issues relate to what I am saying. Is world peas possible? 
</p>
<p>There’s three aspects to these situations… before, during and after.</p>
<p>Before it gets physical… try to leave, walk away. Use your brains, mouth if necessary, but brains first. If you can successfully deal with it here, you can skip the rest. </p>
<p>During… Ok you’re being manhandled. Respond, don’t take it. Don’t go down and do your best. Hope someone will break it up. You may get beaten, but if you try to defend yourself, it is unlikely to happen again with this person, win or lose. Don’t be prey.</p>
<p>After… accept punishment if it is given. Take the suspension, it is not the end of the world. How you handle yourself in this situation will effect how you are perceived later by both peers, bullies and faculty. Kind of a school yard (or prison yard ) respect. </p>
<p>In our situation as the three sets of parents were complaining about suspensions not being “fair” because their bully children got the worst of it. We said “OK he’ll be out for a week. We understand the policy and the need for the district to deal with both sides in a confrontation, not matter who started it. If our child is in the same situation again, we expect him to defend himself from phsyical harm. You have to do what policy dictates, we have to do what’s best for our child, which when physically assualted, is to defend himself. We will not tell him to be passive in that situation. Can we collect his homework assignments?” </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>“Is world peas possible? :)” maybe</p>
<p>World peace? never 
At least here on CC.</p>
<p>I’m sorry Opie, couldn’t resist.</p>
<p>Opie, I just called my husband and posed a similar hypothetical to him and he said “have him defend himself, isn’t that why he goes to karate (I always thought he went to karate because mommy has a lech for sensei, but that’s another story).” And I was dumbfounded (I’m laughing at myself here). There’s a big age difference between the girls and Booboozoozoo, so I still see myself as a mom of girls and a baby, even thought he’s not. Hubby and I are planners and discussed every girl event, but never boy specific ones. Funny and ridiculous of us!</p>
<p>I’m a parent here, of a high school senior who was attacked in the bathroom at school by four boys, a few years back, and he fought back and was suspended. I have to say, that I simply don’t know what else one can do in a situation like that? There were things he maybe could have done to avoid the confrontation in the first place, but at the point where kids are jumping you, what are your options? My son is still convinced that the reason the kid (and his buddies) never bothered him again is because he fought back. We took the suspension without complaining, because I did not want my son to go to school the next day after something like that happened, anyway. And the rules are unambiguous. If you throw a punch for any reason, you are suspended, doesn’t matter under what circumstances. It saves the admin, I guess, from trying to figure out who is at fault. I personally cannot imagine myself doing anything but running if I was under attack, but I simply could not criticize my son for defending himself. </p>
<p>I viewed the suspension as a cooling off period, and a time to figure out if the kids involved were dangerous or not (would try again, retaliate, bring weapons). In case you’re wondering, we have since decided that this school (our local public) is not a good place to send kids – fighting is rampant there still, and there are many other issues as well – and we no longer send our kids there. Just wish we had figured that out earlier . . .</p>
<p>BTW, the kid who rounded up his buddies to attack my son was a little guy. And I know of another big kid (one of the sweetest big kids you can imagine, BTW, not violent at all) who was being hassled by a little guy, actually hit by the little guy, and finally got fed up and threw a punch back. Yes, that ended it. </p>
<p>My other son was being bullied for awhile in middle school --sand poured on his head, he was tripped by this kid and fell down the stairs. He never got physical with the kid, but finally got up the nerve to report it to the office and the bullying stopped. So, that can work too, and I prefer going that route, when possible. I didn’t find out about the tripping incident for awhile. This son kept it quiet, didn’t want me involved, I guess. But when he finally did tell me about it (after I heard about it from another parent) – he told me that the bully’s friend got after the bully for tripping him. Said something to him like “Why did you do that? that wasn’t cool. . .” and the bully lost face in front of his peers, which pleased my son. I don’t know who that kid was, but it shows how a bystander can make a difference. </p>
<p>I asked my son about the tripping incident recently, and he doesn’t even remember it (it was a few years ago). Go figure.</p>
<p>
Opie nails it again. Don’t know about world peace, but I think hell is freezing over…</p>
<p>Just a tip for those parents who have boys they have described as passive or nerdy. Even the nerdiest human being has a powerful weapon: His head. Tell your son to head butt the bully right in the nose if attacked. The bully will be imobilized & your son can get away.</p>
<p>My kids have never been attacked, so fortunately we haven’t had to deal with this. But my son, who is a good-natured little guy, was relieved when we told him that our family policy was to defend oneself. The school policy is no tolerance. He is to defend himself if need be, but knows that mom & dad will accept any school consequences while not further punishing him at home.</p>
<p>
O.K., zoosermom. Are you TRYING to make your little guy a bully target? (I’d put in a smiley face here, but I can’t stand them.)</p>
<p>“O.K., zoosermom. Are you TRYING to make your little guy a bully target? (I’d put in a smiley face here, but I can’t stand them.)”</p>
<p>I have been accused of that. Regularly, in fact. Thankfully, he’s a boy’s boy around everyone but me. This thread has really been an eye-opener, because I have such a deep-seated view of myself as a mother of girls and a baby.</p>
<p>If the bully is bigger then the kid, fighting him wont help lol.</p>
<p>Is anybody else bothered by the fact that school systems seem to have a culpability-blind approach, and that a kid who throws a punch to defend himself against, say, five kids pummeling him in the school bathroom gets suspended along with the bullies? This seems to me to revictimize the victim. It also seems to be an approach that is somewhat out of whack with American values and law, in that outside of school, we have the right to use even lethal force if it is necessary in self defense. How is it that a schoolchild is, instead, expected to lie there covering his face while delinquents beat him up? Why are we, as parents, accepting that a victim who is trying to cope with being physically attacked and perhaps reduce his own chance of injury must then be punished by his school for defending himself?</p>
<p>CC, I agree. But I think the immediate issue is teaching your kid that self-defense is valued in YOUR family & that you expect him to defend himself at all times, regardless of what other authority figures say. The “suspend 'em all” approach is out of whack, but I think addressing that calls for approaching administrators before any incident occurs. If you tell your kid to defend himself, knowing that that action will break school policy, you have to expect consequences. Often schools DO go easy on the kid who they know was provoked.</p>
<p>“It also seems to be an approach that is somewhat out of whack with American values and law, in that outside of school, we have the right to use even lethal force if it is necessary in self defense”</p>
<p>No I disagree, it is inline with the american justice system in many ways. The statement you make here is only partially correct… it will DEPEND on the circumstances. It is not a 100% given that you will always get off, even if you did nothing “wrong”. </p>
<p>No where is it said that anyone likes this form of zero tolerance school systems have to use, but we’ve or I’ve said, just accept it and move on past it. The reason it’s that way is do you want some vice principal deciding based on the details what exactly is right? How consistant would that be? School by school. How many school districts would get sued for one kid getting an extra day than another kid elsewhere?</p>
<p>In Washington we had the green river killer who over the course of a couple of decades killed maybe 40-65 women. In order to get him to admit to more than just the one that brought him to jail, the courts agreed to give him life in prison, no parole. Do you have an idea how many death row inmates have started the process to have their sentences overturned? The arguement? “I only killed 1,2 or 3 people and this guy killed 65 and he’s not gonna fry. It’s unfair to me. My rights have been violated.”</p>
<p>It is far easier for everyone just to have a blanket policy of no fighting at school and a similar punishment. When the deed is done, the consquences are meeted out and it’s over, everybody can move on. My S’s junior high had two vice principals each dealing with 60 different kids a day. They’s have to hire 5-6 more to deal with the details of each situation and merits of each thing. </p>
<p>If you truly felt wronged, you can move up the food chain and possibly have things reduced. From experience I can tell you acceptence with head held high earns far more respect from everyone, than bitter complaining. How your kids carry themselves in tough situations leaves an impression on everyone. </p>
<p>Quiet pride goes along way.</p>
<p>DKE,
I just read this thread from end to end today. I’m sorry that your S has had to endure this very unpleasant experience. I look forward to reading more from you about the school’s response.</p>
<p>I do hope that your S is doing okay emotionally. Sometimes kids can have a sort of post-traumatic stress type reaction. Be on the lookout. It happened to my younger D when she was a H.S. freshman.</p>
<p>In her case, the bullying began by a group of students shortly after she enrolled at a performing arts H.S. as a 9th grader. D was cast in the school’s fall musical and was placed in the Dance Ensemble during the 2nd week of the school year. Students who were new to the school were virtually never cast in a production, nor were they put in the Dance Ensemble. The bullying by the students was an obvious jealous reaction from girls who felt threatened by my D’s talent. My D had experienced the green-eyed monster before and had lived to tell the tale. My H and I counseled her to ignore the nasty remarks. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, it didn’t take too long before one of the teachers at the school started harassing my D. According to school policy, all dance, drama, and voice majors had to audition for the fall musical. If they were cast in the production, they were required to accept the part. If they declined, the punishment was to be forbidden to perform in any school production for the rest of the year. Since my D’s goal was to be a musical theatre performer, not a classical dancer, she was more than happy to be cast in the musical. She and 4 upperclass dancers were tapped for the production. To the great consternation of the dance faculty, play practice was held every day after school and all day on Saturdays. Though at the beginning of the school year the dance dept. had their in-school time with the Dance Ensemble members increased form 2 periods to 4 and the students had been told that all Ensemble practices would be held during the school day, the dance faculty decided that the extra 2 periods they had been granted were simply a bonus. They decided to continue holding rehearsals after school. The
Dance Ensemble rehearsals conflicted with play practice 100% of the time. The dance faculty struck a deal with the administration and the drama faculty. The dancers were to go to play practice on Mondays through Thursdays and on Saturdays and ask the director if they could be excused or if they needed to stay. On Fridays, they were to go to Dance Ensemble rehearsal, no matter what was going on with the play. Of the 5 Dance Ensemble members who were in the play, my D was the only one who followed the policy. Most days the older girls simply chose not to go to play practice. </p>
<p>At 1st, the dance faculty believed that my D was the student who was disobeying the policy. She was called on the carpet when she was in dance class during the school day, she was stopped and harassed in the hallways between classes, and she was hassled when waiting to be picked up after school in the parking lot. My D’s protests that she was doing exactly what she had been told to do fell on deaf ears. By the time rehearsals for the play were in their 3rd week, the director went to the dance faculty to ask why their dancers were not showing up. Therefore, by that date, I know for certain that the dance faculty were aware of which student was obeying the administration policy and which ones were not. I should let you readers know that the dance faculty were absolutely galled that they were being forced to share some of their dancers with the drama department. They were too cowardly to take their frustrations out on the administrators who made the policy, instead, they made my D the scapegoat. They continued harassing my child. She was berated constantly for going to play practice and for mistakenly believing that musical theatre was just as worthy of her time and effort as classical dance. During Dance Ensemble rehearsals, while D was at REQUIRED play practice, the dance faculty talked about her to the other students behind her back.</p>
<p>I haven’t mentioned the student bullies in a couple of paragraphs. When the harassment by the faculty began, the student bullying increased exponentially. The other dancers could not help but be aware that the dance faculty did not approve of my D. I mean, after all! She expressed an interest in singing and acting and even took voice lessons and acting classes and studied tap and jazz dancing. My D was the dance department pariah. To this day I believe that the dance faculty gave the student bullies tacit permission to escalate their mistreatment of my child. I believe that they were aware of a lot of the misbehavior that went on under their noses. By October the girls had started calling my D a wh-re and a lesb–n. They would whisper loudly in her ear when it was her turn to do solo work across the dance floor so she couldn’t hear the music and would be out-of-step and they even threw thumbtacks on the floor on a couple of occasions hoping she’d step on them.</p>
<p>By the end of October I had over 4 type-written pages of incidents involving the dance faculty. My H and I asked D repeatedly throughout the fall if she wanted us to go to the administration to try to put a stop to the abuse. D kept hoping things would settle down. She kept hoping to prove to the dance teachers that she was a team player and that she was simply trying her very best to do follow the rules. She believed that if she complained, she’d have to suffer a big backlash. She figured she’d be punished by never getting any good parts in Dance Ensemble productions and she also feared that her grade in dance class would be cut. Her biggest fear was that the director of the Dance Ensemble would find an excuse to cut her from the group if she complained about the student bullies. The ringleader of the student bullies was the director’s D!</p>
<p>On Nov. 1, my D finally decided that enough was enough. She decided that she was ready to drop out of the Dance Ensemble and she alllowed me to send a letter to the principal. My H, D, and I had a 2 hour meeting with the principal and some of the dance faculty later that week. The principal blamed me, and to some expent my H, for not saying anything about the student bullies soooner. He attempted to turn the table and place the blame for my D’s pain on me. He managed to make me feel horrible, despite the fact that I never did and still do not feel that the situation was my fault. He told us that he was absolutely shocked to receive my letter and could not believe what I was saying about his teachers. </p>
<p>The dance faculty never did deny that they had harassed my D. They simply ignored my accusations. Except for the principal’s statement that he was shocked about my accusations, nothing was said about the faculty’s part in my D’s harassment. One of the dance teachers, the one who by far gave my D the most grief, told my D that if she expected to make it as a performer she was going to have to get used to jealousy. He told her that the better he danced, the more jealousy he experienced from others. He told her she’d have to toughen up or she would not make it. He then tried buttering her up by telling her that he had big plans for her in the Dance Ensemble over the next few years. He said that she had to pay her dues as a new kid at the school, but she’d soon be getting plum roles. He told her that he had already decided to give her several nice parts in the annual production of The Nutcracker. (The casting was to be announced in about a week.) This “nice” man told her that if she wanted to remain in the Dance Ensemble she had to give him her word that she would not change her mind after Nutcracker rehearsals were under way. D told him she’d think about whether or not she still wanted to drop out. </p>
<p>The rest of our very uncomfortable meeting focused on the student bullies. Though the student bullying was very unpleasant for my D, it was not my main concern. I felt that the faculty abuse was feeding the student abuse. However, the principal chose not to deal with it, as far as I know. He was very concerned about the verbal, sexual harassment. I realized that was because he knew that if he did not do everything in his power to stop it, we had grounds for a lawsuit. My D was asked to name names. The following day, about a dozen dancers were called in to the principal’s office one at a time. Most were the girls named by my D. A few were upperclass girls that the principal thought may have been witnesses. Many girls left his office in tears. Several were threatened with expulsion if the bullying did not stop. </p>
<p>The day that the dancers were grilled by the principal was the day of final dress for the musical. That evening my D was accosted by many, many students who demanded to know why she had “told all those lies” about their friends. D says that every time she turned around someone was angrily accusing her and calling her ugly names. She came home in tears that night and told us that she’d been crazy to think that she might be able to stay in the Dance Ensemble and work things out. She told us that she’d never walk into the studio with that group of girls ever again. </p>
<p>I spoke to the principal the following evening during intermission of the opening night of the musical. I asked him to get D out of the Ensemble. He’d just watched her perform during the 1st half of the show. There was a big dance number during act one. D was placed front and center in that number. (The other Dance Ensemble girls were quite peeved that none of them were placed in the front row. Might be because they were brainwashed into believing that they didn’t need to rehearse. One of the juniors skipped every rehearsal until one week before the show. She hadn’t even gone to the costume fitting! Five days before opening night the director wimpily told the dance faculty that she was going to have to kick this girl out of the show if she missed anymore rehearsals.) The principal raved about my D’s stage presence and told me that he’d do whatever it took to keep her at the school. I was rather amazed by his change in attitude after he saw my kid on stage. He told me that he now understood why a local tv crew had kept the camera focused on my D when they came to film a promo for the musical. </p>
<p>I wish that I could report that the accusations of lying that circulated at dress rehearsal were the end of my D’s problems. The dancers did quiet down immediately. They were afraid to open their mouths in my D’s presence. The principal’s threats were effective. However, their friends still accosted my D in the hallways of the school on a regular basis until winter break. Pieces of my D’s costumes for the musical went missing. (No other students’ items disappeared.) Things settled down when school resumed in January. My D had to take 2 periods a day of ballet until the end of the year, even though she no longer took Dance Ensemble. The other dancers for the most part avoided D. Their friends tired of hassling her after Christmas. </p>
<p>Sadly, my D’s ego had taken quite a beating. She ended up going through a major depression that we believe was in large part triggered by the student bullying and the inexcusable maltreatment by her teachers. As you can probably tell, though this horrible ordeal happened 6 years ago, I still have very strong feelings about it today.</p>
<p>I’m sending “stay strong” wishes your way. I sincerely hope things resolve very soon for your S.</p>
<p>Oh goodness, what a horrible story, dancersmom. Your daughter was so brave. I am so sorry to hear abou the depression. Can you give us an update? Did she stay in MT?</p>
<p>I am mother of 2 daughters and I have been on both sides. When my older daughter was 12, a younger girl’s mom called me to let me know that my daughter was making her daughter feel unwelcome on their small school bus. At first, my reaction was “not my daughter, not my perfect pleasant daughter.” I was a bit defensive, but I said, “Let me speak with my daughter first. I will get back to you.” After speaking with my daughter I did realize that she was indeed being unpleasant on the bus. I asked her if she realized what she was doing and how she was making the girl feel. My daughter didn’t realize what she was saying or doing was making the girl feel bad, and she was ashamed when she realized the girl has been upset for many weeks. I called up the mother to tell her that it would never happen again, I apologized over and over again for my daughter’s behavior. I asked her to call me if it should happen again. My daughter also apologized to the girl. She also learned to be more considerate in the future.</p>
<p>On the same bus, after my older moved to upper school, my younger daughter was harassed by a girl for weeks before I found out. I got on the bus and told the bus driver that I held him responsible for my daughter’s safety and not be harrased. I also told everyone on the bus that if I ever got a complaint from my daughter again I would go to school and call their parents. I then called the girl’s mother. The mother was surprised that her daughter was behaving badly. Next day, my daughter received a letter of apology and it was fine after that. But I also got a reputation of being a bit crazy with all my kids’ friends.</p>
<p>I try to let my kids deal with their own problems, but my younger daughter didn’t come to me until she felt she couldn’t handle it any more. I asked her if she wanted me to intervene before I did. </p>
<p>We had a more unpleasant situation with my older daughter recently. This past summer, a group of her “best friends” decided to ostracize(?) her for no good reason (at least she didn’t know why). She texted, emailed, called and left messages for them, and no one responded. It was heart breaking to watch her sitting there waiting for their IM. She said her senior year was ruined. As Sep came around, I became more anxious than her. We didn’t know how she should behave with them in school. We were so nervous of her first day of school. She came home and told us that she decided to walk in as if nothing happened, she pretended that she didn’t notice no one called her the whole summer. My daughter was by natural a very bubbly and fun person. She decided to play it cool with them but still remained friendly. In one week, she was center of attention and getting invited to all the parties again. It didn’t happen all at once, it started with a few people at a time(someone had to cross that line first), and eventually they all came around. She later found out that it was one girl that lobbied everyone in the group to be mean to her. They are all friends now, but my daughter said she would never trust them again. No one stood up for her when she needed a friend. I know it will stay with her forever. She will not forget about checking her phone or sitting by her computer waiting for someone to contact her. </p>
<p>I am very proud of how my daughter handled the situation. She dealt with them on her own term. She kept her dignity and did not let them have the satisfaction of knowing how hurt or scared she was. 9 months later, she still has never discussed this with any of them - not even her best friend. The experience has changed her, but I hope it has also made her a better person.</p>
<p>Cheers,</p>
<p>Yes my D did stay in MT. She is now a college junior pursuing a BFA and is very happy. </p>
<p>She did stick it out at her H.S. and graduated top of her class. However, she chose to leave the dance department at the H.S. at the end of her freshman year. She returned to the pre-professional dance dept. at the University of Cincinnati’s College Conservatory of Music where she’d been training prior to her enrollment at the H.S. </p>
<p>The dance faculty did hold a grudge. The best example was their attempt to keep my D from competing in a school-wide talent scholarship competition for juniors. My D wanted to enter in dance, MT, classical voice, and straight acitng. She was told by a faculty member she’d worked with outside the school in several professional productions that entering in 4 areas would not be a good idea. She told D that certain faculty would lower her scores because they would believe her to be either conceited for entering in so many areas and/or unprepared. They would not believe it possible for a student to properly prepare 4 complete entries. D decided to take her advice and enter only in dance and MT. All junior dance majors were required to enter the competition. D, of course, was no longer a dance major. First, a dance faculty member approached her and told her she was not eligible to compete in dance because she was not a major. D went to the school’s artistic director and questioned that statement. He told her that any student could enter in any arts area. He also told the dance faculty that D would be allowed to enter in dance. The dance faculty then decided that they would hold a preliminary screening audition within the dept. No other dept. had a preliminary audition and the dance dept. had never had one before either. We figured the plan was for the dance dept. to eliminate D at the preliminary audition. D went back to the artistic director and told him of her concern that there was a plot to eliminate her before any of the other faculty got to see her dance. He told her that she did not have to do a preliminary audiiton for the dance dept. BECAUSE she was not a dance major. The dance faculty were foiled again. The artistic director told me in confidence that one of the dance teachers actually threw his notebook across the room during the meeting that had been called specifically to deal with the question of whether or not my D had to go through a preliminary dance dept. audition. The next trick that was tried was to have my D eliminated because she wrote on her entry form that she was going to do a tap dance and a jazz dance. D had questioned the dance dept. chair about the rules governing the types of dance that were allowed in the competition a full year before she was to compete. She was told that there were no restrictions on dance style. I don’t know if the dance faculty seriously thought they could get D eliminated by claiming that the rules stated that she had to do a classical ballet number or if they wer just trying to intimidate D. D went to the artistic director one more time. He checked the rules and assured her that there should be no problem with her doing tap and jazz. At that point I think the dance faculty resigned themselves to having D compete in the school-wide preliminary. That event was judged by a faculty panel. I think the dance teachers hoped that their representative would convince the other faculty that D was not worthy of being passed on to the finals in dance. I got a kick out of the facts that 1) the dance dept. rep was the friend who had worked with D outside of the school (the other dance teachers did not seem to be aware that this woman was a friend of the family) and 2) the other faculty were very impressed with D’s dancing, particularly her tap number. I was told by the artistic director and a couple of other friendly faculty who were backstage during the preliminaries that the dancers and their teachers looked very worried when they watched D on stage. </p>
<p>D did make it through the preliminaries in both dance and MT. She was the only student who competed in more than one area in the preliminaries that year. According to the rules (which I disagree with), students are allowed to enter in only one area for the finals. D decided she had a better chance of winning in MT than in dance. The finals competition is judged by professional performers from the Cincinnati area. The scholarships go to the top 4 or 5 students, regardless of performance area. There is NOT a winner in every arts area. We knew that the dance judge that year was going to be the partner of the school dance teacher who’d been my D’s primary tormentor. We figured he just might tell the other judges that, despite how impressive D might appear to be to their untrained eyes, her performance was full of technical flaws. I’m very certain that if his partner, D’s former teacher, had been allowed to judge he would have done exactly that! </p>
<p>As it turned out, D won a scholarship in MT, much to the consternation of certain teachers :)</p>