<p>Yes, I have put up with a lot of garbage for way longer than I ever should have. I happened to have coffee today with my friend who cannot stand the cranky, sourpuss friend. Despite challenges she has faced, she is animated, optimistic and positive. How refreshing. I mentioned that I was re-evaluating friendships and making some changes. She commented that several of her friends are doing the same. I guess its our age. We are more focused on what and who brings enjoyment to our lives, and getting rid of what and who does not.</p>
<p>I think many of us have kept some friendships going because it also includes our family members. I have kept this particular one going because H felt he and her H are BF’s but in fact they talk less then once a year. D now has her own relationships with their D and S.
Our S says he is too busy to be in contact with them and I decided to leave that alone although he and fam live 35 minutes from them.</p>
<p>This GF can be as equally amazing as horrid so it has never been clear how to proceed. I think I will just let it go. If she ever calls I will be pleasant and see if there is anything left. D is driving there (4 hours North) tomorrow. We will see how that goes. </p>
<p>Now the real question is how to fill in the edges? I lost my best Aunt and my BGF moved and now this one. It is not so easy to find new GF’s.
That said I recieved a nice letter from an old one today so maybe some renewals are in order.</p>
<p>OP the current relationship that you describe is not a “friendship” in any sense of the word. Maybe it was in the distant past, but it is no longer. I think you need to stop focusing on your “friend” - the negativity is something only she can decide to change. But I honestly think you need to ask yourself why you are perpetuating this relationship - what is it that YOU are getting out of continuing to interact with her? </p>
<p>There is something that makes you continue the relationship despite the frustration and irritation you express in this thread. Does the drama add excitement to your life? Do you feel the need to help others you perceive to be unhappy? Does she perhaps make you feel good about your own life? Once you honestly answer why you continue to interact with this person, then you will be in a better position to evaluate whether it continues to make sense.</p>
<p>No, no, no harvestmoon. If anything I felt perhaps a sense of loyalty that is clearly one sided and the history that is just that. In the past. I tried to help her but she doesn’t want help. I am done. </p>
<p>Responding to posts #77 and 78-- okay, got it now. I didn’t read the “bird” comment as hostile or negative as it was actually perceived, when I first read tge post. Read it more like “Doesn’t suit you.” I stand corrected.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t continue to try and connect with this woman. You could formally end the relationship with a call or a note, but it sounds as if she wouldn’t even notice if you stopped seeking her out. Her response to the invitation to your son’s wedding would have done it for me.</p>
<p>I also have been through this. My close friend of 40 years was never overtly rude, just increasingly inconsiderate and selfish. I tried a few times to tactfully broach the subject but she just ignored the comments.</p>
<p>The last straw was my 50th birthday when she sent a generic gift a few days late, a glib email and never called. When her 50th birthday came around, I just sent her a card, which I knew would completely offended her. I know she thinks I am at fault for “ruining” the friendship but in reality, I was just treating her the same way she treated me for years.</p>
<p>I mourned the friendship for a long while and still feel a twinge of sadness about it. But the feelings of nostalgia about the friendship are much better than feeling hurt by her actions.</p>
<p>Today is my best childhood friend’s birthday. I don’t know how to tell her happy birthday. I am FB friends with her brothers, but not with her. Her parents attend my parents church. I don’t know her address or what state she currently lives in.</p>
<p>I think that I am the one that ended the friendship. I didn’t return a Christmas card one year because I was too busy to write any Christmas cards. Then we moved and I didn’t tell anyone my new address, thinking stuff would get forwarded from the PO. Then the forwarding ran out. </p>
<p>We both have ways to find out the other ones contact info and neither of us has bothered to do so. It just sort of died a natural death after almost 40 years of friendship.</p>
<p>This thread has given my much to ponder. I’m not currently in the situation of the OP, but it islikely that I will be at some time in the future. I like being able to think through things before they happen and everyone’s comments have given me much to think about.</p>
<p>My friend did do something helpful this summer, but only after I had to ask, listen to a long list of things she wouldn’t do, potential problems she wouldn’t deal with (crowds, traffic, etc) and then when I asked if she might be able to pick up my son on the way if he wasted to go (he arrived a day early to our big planned event so was available to go, but didn’t have access to a car) she whined that it would be inconvenient, take extra time and was out of her way (which it wasn’t). He didn’t end up going, but who does/says that? The normal response of a real friend is "sure- what do you need? Or “How can I help?”. Not her.</p>
<p>Another friend’s parent just passed away. My response immediately was “What do you need” 'How can I help". And I am doing it. Not “Oh gee, thats inconvenient…”</p>
<p>jym, I don’t think anyone reading about all the burdens this woman placed on you believes that she’s worth keeping as a friend. But I agree that it probably wouldn’t be worth it to confront her about it. It seems pretty clear that she won’t learn from it. Would there be any satisfaction in hurting her feelings?</p>
<p>I don’t know where I read or heard this.</p>
<p>But there’s a big difference between someone who’s been your best friend since high school, and someone who was your best friend in high school.</p>
<p>I didn’t know her in HS- met her the summer after. But regardless, I am done. I just wanted to share one half decent thing she did, though it wasn’t without a boatload of hassle.</p>
<p>Oops typo in post #89. Wanted to go, not wasted to go. But he was exhausted- so I guess he was too wasted to go anyway ;)</p>
<p>I not sure exactly how to say this. But it sounds like you have now spent more time in the last few days thinking about this “friendship” than she probably has in a long time… </p>
<p>I am sure that is true, MichiganGeorgia. It helps me to process it aloud, and hear others’ experiences,so I am not only done, but able to vent here instead of at her. </p>
<p>Responding to the very first post, I just couldn’t do it. It seems to me that you have hung in there longer than imaginable with such a person. How do you know her to begin with? Was she always like this? I just have way too much stress with stilll working full time to take on friendship stress. No way.</p>
<p>It’s good to vent on CC. If she really cared she would have called you by now and asked you if everything was ok.At least that’s what most people would have done. I don’t think venting at her would do any good.</p>
<p>VaBluebird,
We met as camp counselors. I don’t recall if she was always like this. We’ve lived off and on in the same city (I used to joke that she follows me) and she moved back here after divorcing many years ago. Looking back, I think she’s always been very opinionated and a know-it-all, but don’t recall her being this bossy, inflexible, selfish, negative and generally sour and unpleasant to be around. </p>
<p>I’ve decided not only not to call, but if she happens to call me I do not plan to take or return the call. If my DH, who is a very sweet and kind-hearted guy happens to answer the phone and its her, I’ll probably either ask him to tell her I am busy and will have to call her back, or will take the call but tell her just that-- that I am in the middle of something and will have to get back to her. And just simply not. Processing here is helpful for closure and to hear its a common issue to experience. Yay for cc!</p>
<p>Hugs to all who have the pain of betrayal and losing a friend. It’s awful. It really hurts. I do know.</p>