For Clarification: I have asked her to repay me, a couple of times, each time she doesn’t have her checkbook, but ‘remind me before we get together next time’; I remind her and she still doesn’t have her checkbook! Now, I feel the nus is not on me to remind or ask! Also, I do not ‘run into the wife’; I see her regularly (2x month). We did see the H around New Year, but to be fair, I don’t think it’s in his mind because he left a few minutes before the W in order to get the car, and she did wait for the check but it took forever, so we decided we’d settle up later that week…6+ months later…
And, we don’t usually ‘count’ who had what, but the expensive cocktails, coupled with an outstanding debt = me, really annoyed! As I’ve said previously, I’m moving on. It’s not the $ that bothers me as much as the fact she remembers …
As somebody else said upthread, this has been an enlightening thread!
We are not score keepers, neither is the other couple; I only spoke about the top shelf cocktails, because I’m irritated. It’s not about score, who had what etc., it’s about having the onus of ensuring a debt is repaid, placed on me, the creditor!
I would have your husband pick up the phone and call the other husband. They are both out of the drama. Have him do it tomorrow. Either the money or a firm date to go out and full understanding that they are paying.
“Hey Bill, sally tells me that she and sue haven’t been able to connect for us to square up on the 250 we paid for dinner the the night you had to leave because of the babysitter or something. How about flipping me a check or better yet how about go out next weekend to x and you guys just pick up the tab instead. That sounds more fun to me. “
Done. Faster than the time it will take to read through this thread. Lol.
The fastest way to a point is always a straight line.
This thread is a great argument for splitting checks, as in getting your own. I would be as annoyed as you. I’m sorry that couple don’t care enough to pay for their meal.
@privatebanker , OP husband was shocked OP was still thinking about it. I highly doubt he would call.
OP, I think you need to try one last time. But it needs to be honest, as that’s a tough one I know. I would call and be upfront, but kind. Tell her you need to discuss something, that’s it bothers you that she mentions she knows she hasn’t paid, yet won’t do it. You’re feeling annoyed that it’s on you, and even are starting to wonder if she even respects your friendship. However you say it, you’d have to talk about your feelings.
Then, and only then, will you truly know if she values you. If she pays immediately…then it was a wake up call for her. If not, then you have a sad answer.
Is this woman part of a group you get together with?
It’s not important enough to her or you’re not? Why do you continue seeing this woman twice a month if she owes you money but she doesn’t care enough about it to repay you? I don’t know why she needs her checkbook. Doesn’t she carry a wallet? Every town I know of is littered with ATMs.
I don’t agree that it’s about keeping score or not keeping score. We have several friends who we do things with and sometimes they pick up the tab and other times we do. Over time that evens out. But if you see this woman a couple times a month and the husband only rarely this isn’t a situation where it will even out.
I’d call her up and set up a time for coffee and remind her to bring her checkbook. If she forgets I’d arrange to be busy the 2x a month you normally get together. But it wouldn’t be because she didn’t repay $250. It would be because she couldn’t be bothered to put forth the minimal effort it would take to remember that she owed me.
Forget keeping score - or not. I’ll stick to just having separate bills when we share dinners with others. It really isn’t a problem in restaurants we go to - all levels of $. Anyone wanting just an appetizer salad and water can have it. Anyone wanting a french rack of lamb and the best bottle of wine can have it. Socialize without worry about “fitting in.”
Anyone needing to leave quickly can just ask for their check and pay for it on the way out.
Yea the whole we gotta go pay the bill thing is strange. Just tell the waiter the issue and give them the credit card. If that fancy of a restrauant they would of taken the credit cards right away. Unless the child was in danger it’s a confusing situation.
I also read the twice a month get togethers as a group, not just the two of them. If just the two of them then show her how to install PayPal, Vimo etc and get your money… Just strange over all. My friends would never think of doing this to me… Oh… Because their friends…
This thread reminds of a situation a few years ago when I met my niece for a drink. She decided to add food and then when it came time to pay the bill she made a show of rummaging through her purse to look for her wallet. She asked me to pay and said she would pay me back. I’ve never seen the money.
It’s not the amount (less than $20), it’s that I know she didn’t “forget” her wallet. Plus there were some other control issues going on in that relationship that I was becoming uncomfortable with. We have since become distant and it’s actually a relief not having to walk on eggshells with her anymore. So I guess it was a small price to pay, but it still infuriates me.
If you do decide to go out with them…send them the restaurant menu…with the prices clearly on it. Then say “this place will cost $nametheamount. Are you sure this is within your budget?”
Since they seem to not care about your money, I would not be particularly shy with them.
It really comes down to how important the $250 is to you. There was a time when it could have been essential to me. It’s very important to most of my kids, as they have a tight budget with respect to the way they want to live. If this were a $25 tab or $2,50, would this even be an issue? If it were $2500, or $25,000, most likely the OP and her husband would have gotten the issue resolved tout de suite. Maybe over a dinner.
No occasions have arisen for a like dinner with the couple, and they pick up the tab this time? That’s what we do with a lot of friends and family. I also have friends with whom I meet for meals and we alternate paying. We don’t keep tabs; I imagine sometime I lose out and sometimes I gain. It’s not enough for me to think about. But we are talking under $50 for the two of us type things.
I think all of you should go out and tell her before dinner that it is their turn to pick up the tab.
I noticed that most of you split the bill evenly amongst you when you go out. Why don’t you ask for separate tab for each person? It that improper etiquette? I think that is easier and you don’t resent your friends for ordering expensive drinks or entree. When my dh and I go out with other couples, we tell the waitstaff to have individual tab for each couple.
If I met my niece for lunch/dinner/drinks she wouldn’t need her wallet. DS is going to dinner with my sister tonight, and he won’t need his. Maybe that’s what she expected.
@collegehuh some places will not do separate checks. They do a check for the table only.
I have dined out with friends many many times. I never get a drink or have wine. Doesn’t matter…I still pay my share of the check evenly divided. One way I “compensate” is to get a nice appetizer and/or dessert.
Re:$250 bill for a nice dinner out…this isn’t high for the area in which we reside either…if one gets wine or drinks, etc. also, some of these places are totally ala carte. You order your steak and then your salad, potatoes, veggies, or whatever are an additional charge.
You know…just about every place had online menus with prices. Like i said…if going out with the cheapskates…send them the menu and ask if it’s within their budget.
My daughter and her husband have group of friends they do stuff with (vacation sometimes, a weekly bad movie night which is always at her house and she and her husband buy the food). They all have an app on their phones where you enter what you spend and it totally it all up and divides it between the group and calculates who owes what to who. Works well for them and eliminates the possibility of bad feelings. May be a bit much for our age group but they love it. She even suggested it to me when my brother and I we’re going to Africa last year as we were paying out large amounts for flights, hotels, safari etc. (He’d pay one thing and I’d pay another) but as he lives in England I wasn’t sure how it would work.
I’d have a problem letting it go because she obviously hasn’t forgotten. Maybe next time you see her tell her you’ll run home with her and she can write you a check and if she says she is going somewhere after your get together say well let’s do venmo right now as we both have our phones with us. It obviously is affecting the friendship so I think you need to address it.
And if you eat together again then do separate checks. I like a cocktail with my meal and I much prefer separate checks. That way I can get what I want (couple of cocktails, lobster or whatever) and not worry about it.
