Why do you split the bill evenly? Because it means not having to talk about money. Talking about the money is a damper IMO. I have an accountant friend who tells everyone their exact payment. It reads annoying and cheap. So what if I put in an extra two bucks? Especially if it is someone you go out with often I would figure (if it were the type of thing I thought about) that over time it all shakes out. But, I don’t have friends who try to split the bill as a way of lowering their own costs if they paid outright.
Agree with with @TempeMom - when the bill comes, it’s easier and most comfortable to split it however many ways and just pay. Going through and itemizing with several people is not fun and puts a huge damper on the evening. I know that people do this, so I really only like to go out to dinner with like-minded people - split the bill, or one party treats and the other does it next time. Otherwise, it’s too transactional.
Kid asking, “If I don’t do any excursions can I keep the money?”. NO, and if my kid said that they would be lucky I didn’t smack them for being a brat.
In my area, waiters are used to doing separate checks for couples, and even a group of women. I really dislike the accounting approach to a bill.
When with my closest friends, I know my charge when I order, and always pass her cash. We use to rotate, but too often there are other people included that my friend plans to treat. I don’t like her treating me. When it’s just us, I have my chance to treat her.
Agree about splitting the bill evenly when going out with friends. I go out on occasion with my book club and we have 1 out of 10 of us who insists on just paying her share. It is annoying. I have a good friend who sometimes I pay the entire bill, sometimes she pays and sometimes we split. We both feel it evens out.
My inIaws have been extremely generous over the years. When we travel with them they pay airfare, lodging and excursions where we all go together. They also pick up meals. If a family is out on their own for a day the family picks up their own tab. If the kids wanted ice cream or coffee and they were the only one having the kid pays. FIL also has lunch with my H each week and FIL pays. When we go out with them unless it is Fathers Day, Mothers Day or their birthday they treat. We all are grateful and they know that.
With my own kids 2 out of 3 who are self supporting we pay for airfare, lodging and excursions and meals taken as a family. They buy their own souvenirs, coffee, candy etc unless we are all indulging. The kids have brought a friend on occasion. We treat lodging, meals and excursions. They pay airfare or lift ticket if skiing. We now have several long term significant others. We haven’t done a trip yet but I’d be inclined to treat. I’m hoping both become permanent members of the family.
I have 1 D who lives in my town. I sometimes treat her to the nail salon, coffee or lunch. She is becoming increasingly stubborn and is now insisting on paying for herself.
To the OP. I totally understand where you’re coming from. It isn’t a matter of wanting them to clean the plate but a matter of being respectful of the money of their parents. Most of us work hard to provide a nice lifestyle for our family and we don’t like to be taken for granted. H used to get so frustrated with my girls when they wanted to buy magazines and Starbucks in the airport. He is frugal and it just isn’t something he does. They know if they want a magazine it comes out of their pocket.
I don’t think I have ever been out with anyone who insisted on separate check or just pay for their share.
D1 is the planner whenever she is out with her friends. When people want to only pay for their share with cash, she’ll add up what they ordered and add 25-30% to their bill (tip and tax), and then split the rest with everyone else.
I go out with friends all the time… and never once has it been an issue to have separate checks. The wait staff generally assumes separate checks and just asks us to be sure.
As a vegetarian who tends to eat small meals (often just appetizers- entree meals are just way too big for me), my check is going to be about half of what everyone else’s is. I wouldn’t mind splitting with everyone else occasionally but I wouldn’t be happy with it either.
The separate checks thing seems to be very regional… Chicago area, I’ve never had a server offer separate checks and if anyone asks for separates, the table definitely gets a dirty look. With relatives in Ohio and Michigan, separate checks are often offered or no problem if asked for. Makes things awkward when traveling with BIL and SIL who always expect separate checks, even when not the norm. Any one with experiences in other areas?
@intparent, I hear you. This same kid is the most frugal of the bunch. He is very conscious of spending my money (goes to the in-state flagship instead of the “higer rated” program he was accepted to because there wasn’t enough difference to make it worth it, says “I’m fine with eating at home,” when we talk about going out, cooks at school to save money, etc.). He might not really SAY it, but he probably would be THINKING it.
I used to go out to lunch with a bunch of accountants. “Hey, you owe 36 more cents.” “No, I don’t. I split my soft drink with Susie.” “Okay, I need to get my change. Can someone change a dollar?”
No thanks.
When I go out with friends, we split the bill unless it’s really obvious that someone has gone outside of the general sum. Then of course adjustments could be made.
@Momofadult, In our area it’s mixed, or leans towards no separate checks. Some places that seem to deal with lots of office group lunches seem fine with doing individual checks, but when we go out to nicer places I don’t often hear offers to split checks.
Momofadult- in my part of Ca I’ve never had a server offer. When my D went to school in Indiana the server always brought separate checks unless directed differently. When she lived in San Fran she said she never saw anyone do separate checks.
Interesting regarding the parallel ordering with a group. Some friends I go out with often all have the same things and is does feel rather unifying. I’d do this with in laws, and in any situation where I feel I’m minding my Ps and Qs. Close friends, I feel no compulsion to not be myself, the person who at times has a vegetarian entree, and little or no alcohol. At times I have protested the sharing of a bill, if everyone around me has had 2 drinks, I’ve had water and a lower cost entree. I’m happy to pay more than my share for the sake of being communal, but double the cost of what I ordered rankles.
However, with Asian family/friends, no way! I fight to treat everyone, and know I’ll be treated in turn. Both ways work.
Guess it is regional… and I tend to stick around Michigan/Ohio. It would be odd around here to do an even split of bills.
When H and I were very young newlyweds (maybe 24 years old) we went out to dinner with 3 of his (older) aunts/uncles and their spouses after his grandmother’s funeral. When we got to the restaurant and saw the prices, we gave each other “the look” and ordered water and the least expensive entrees (still out of our budget). His relatives all ordered (several) mixed drinks and steaks (I think they were celebrating their inheritance, of which we were not part). When the bill came they assumed it would be split equally. My husband and I ate mac and cheese for weeks to recoup the cost of that meal.
Going back to topic of paying for adult kids’ vacations… My dream is to buy a place in HI and live there part-time in retirement (we should have gone ahead with the purchase last year!). Then we will be able to “pay” for lodging and home cooked meals for kiddos and their SO when they come to visit… The kiddos can split the expense by paying for their airfare. They will vist - because they love to surf and will be delighted to have a place where they can keep their surfboards and a truck. 
@BunsenBurner, my kids will want you to adopt them. Sounds like a great plan. Let me know when we can visit
I’ll buy dinner, you don’t have to clean your plate, and you can have all the drinks you want!
@Momofadult - maybe you’re right, maybe it’s regional!
I guess I’m just “annoying and cheap”!!!
Seriously, here (Ohio) no big deal to get separate checks or just to have everyone throw in their portion of the bill (not worried about it down to the penny but not hard to know that your own meal was $12.99 and then throw in $15 or $16 to cover the bill and tip.
I guess I’ll just lunch with @romanigypsyeyes
The first time I ran into this issue was when a male friend and I drove from Boston to Rockport, to give an older cousin my notes for the national exam in our field. They were staying at an expensive place. My friend, another intern, and I just ordered coffee. They were eating dessert when we arrived.ou bill, 40 years ago, was maybe $5.00
So, check comes, and they looked at us, and said, $90.00 I said no way for 2 coffees. Like a fool, I still gave her my study book and notes. This cousin never has spoken to me since.
Meanwhile, my friend and I drove 2 hours back to Boston. My friend could not believe they expected us to,pay for their meals. Let them think we are cheap, but we all recognize a Greed when we see them.
Well , that feels good. Got it off my chest. I’d rather pay an extra $5 to $10 extra, but certainly not $85, when I drove 4 hours to do someone a favor. Karma is real.
That’s ridiculous! obviously there’s no splitting the check in that circumstance. The gracious thing to do in that situation would be for the eaters to pick up the check for the incidentals incurred by the non-eaters. That’s what would typically happen in my cohort, almost automatically.
If the budget of the eaters is so tight that the incidentals would make a difference, the non-eaters should quickly estimate the expenses and provide cash that is more than sufficient to cover one’s share including tax and tip. I suspect that is how a college student would handle things, for example.