Yes, if not wanting to pay for other people’s meals is “annoying and cheap” then guilty as charged. Happy to lunch with you whenever, abasket
I guess because it’s so typical around here that I don’t understand the big deal. The wait staff just rings in the order as “Guest 1: X drink, Y meal; Guest 2: X drink, Y meal” and so on. They have to ring in each order separately anyway so it’s not really extra work (other than the one finger click of “next guest”). Even when we get checks sometimes for the whole table (if we’re all on one check), it’s still separated like that.
If I am only paying for only my meal (at an office luncheon or happy hour, for example), I try to make sure I account for all tax and a generous tip. People tend to forget tax especially, and it adds up. So you may think you’re giving a 15-20% tip, but when you add in the 6% tax, it winds up much less.
I generally just try to go with the flow. When I was younger and had less money, things may have been different. I remember calculating that if a friend and I went out and had cheese pizza or maybe one topping from the “good place” and just water, we could afford it. Now we just order what we want. My kids have never experienced “lean” years.
I don’t think I’ve ever had separate checks assumed or offered. You’d have to ask. I see little reason to make them do that, unless it’s something like a business trip where one person needs specific receipts. I would just throw in my fair share and not sweat it unless it was something extreme like one person having coffee and the other lobster.
With my girlfriends, typically one person treats and it all comes out in the wash.
I go out to dinner with a group of women four times a year before we go to a play at a local college. The wait staff where we go is used to doing single checks. Because of the drinks/no drinks, appetizers for dinner, pub fare, or full-on entree with sides, costs can vary widely. Separate checks is one of the reasons we go there.
When my husband and I go out to dinner with friends, I am usually the only one that doesn’t order a drink, while the rest of the group will order two a piece. We all order similarly priced pub-fare sort of food, but the drinks can take up a large portion of the bill. Everyone likes it if I order something a bit more expensive so our costs come out more even and we can simply split the bill.
As to family vacations and who pays, that’s evolving for us as our kids salaries are rising. Last year we went out west (we live in the East) and we paid for a certain amount for our kids airline flights. They’re bargain hunters so that was a great incentive for them to find the least expensive flights. Our daughters SO had to pay for his own flight. We’ll pay for lodging and we generally get a house so most meals are home made. Who ever is going to the store pays for what they get, but we generally do the main shopping. It’s neat to see the kids not even thinking of asking us for reimbursement and offering to get what’s needed. If we go out to eat, we will pay, just as if we go out with my in-law, my FIL will grab the bill - unless we can get it first!
This fall we had a mini reunion of college friends, and had two dinners with 12-15 people at them. At both, the waiters asked if we wanted separate checks which was great. We would not have made them do it but both said it was easy. They did add the automatic tip, but I think most of us rounded up if we paid cash, so I think the waiters got a little more.
Even at places like Chili’s with the tabletop kiosk, it asks if you want to split the bill.
I find splitting the bill with like minded friends works well. With people who have different eating styles it can lead to trouble. My FIL just gravitates towards the most expensive items on the menu, just happens to love shellfish and Osso Bucco and steak. Loves wine and Campari and a little side of Sambuca with his espresso. Makes sure he pours the wine so he can get more for himself (and MIL will catch him and scold - it’s like a comedy routine).
It drives me crazy but I remind myself that I love him and he won’t be around forever. And he can’t help it if my eating style tends to be cheaper than his (no, I don’t like to eat a big “brick of meat”). One time H and I and D3 ate with them and “split the bill”. I looked at it later and saw that their portion cost 6X ours!
Another point is most of my friends tip a bit less well than I would. Sometimes I sneak a few extra dollars into the billfold after they have left the table. I’m most comfortable in these sharing situations when the tip is included. Then the people who forget about tax when they mentally calculate the bill don’t have to make such a big mistake. Someone mentioned 6%. That’s actually very low for restaurant tax. Often it is higher than other sales taxes and cities can tack on extra and often do.
Occasionally, the group at my previous work place went out to eat dinner together. One particular member would always order something that is the most expensive or the second most expensive entry in the menu, and would often be the only one who ordered a glass of wine as well.
When the company paid for it, nobody would care. But sometimes the group members would have to pay for it and we usually split the bill evenly to make it easier for everybody.
I do not know whether I was the only person who noticed this. (I mostly order something on the cheap side, or something with an “average” price tag so that others would not have to pay extra because of me.)
I also noticed that when he himself ordered food and had to pay for it himself, he would order the cheapest (e.g., at one time, he even complained that a slice of pizza is too expensive at some cafeteria and I forgot what he ordered in the end.)
The tipping could be even more troublesome because everybody’s standard is different. I personally tip not very generously, mostly between 15 to 20% (almost never above 20%.) When the bill is lower, I tend to pay a higher percentage. Honestly, we hate to tip. Because of this, we rarely go to some place where we need to tip (i.e., we mostly eat fast food. I think we will not have a long life. LOL.)
I thought 20% was the minimum expectation nowadays. (It’s also easier to calculate.)
I’m not criticizing – just trying to clarify current restaurant manners. I learned earlier in the thread that some of my ideas of how to behave in a restaurant are outdated or misguided. Since I rarely eat in any place fancier than Panera, this doesn’t matter much, but I would like to be well informed anyway.
I go out to eat with coworkers at least once a week - and it’s always separate checks. In fact, most places around here don’t even ask, they just ring up everything separately. I love it!
But maybe that’s because I live in Michigan. I can’t remember the last time I had to split a bill.
So back to topic. We are still with DS#1 and his wife, and a guest. The guest has been the cheapest of all. And didn’t lift a finger to help. DS#1 and wife helped cook and clean. And paid for groceries yesterday and our drinks/dessert (that was my idea to go have that). Guest finally offered , after a suggestion b/c he is a trained chef, to cook dinner, but we ended up at a cheap Mexican place instead. In contrast, Ds#1 and wife are still trying to be sure they paid their fair share of everything, and Ds#2 paid for an expensive dinner and drinks when he was here. they all paid their own airfare but we paid for the rental car.
My kids told me recently that some of their friends play credit card roulette. It involves everyone throw in their CC on the table, and the waiter would pick a card to pay for the whole tab. D2 was out with a group of high school friends (wealthy students from the international school she used to go to) and they asked her to play. D2 told me it would take up her whole year allowance plus her earnings if she had lost. She declined (good girl!). D1 said when they are playing, people would generally order the most expensive and more than they normally eat. She said sometimes it would turn into a relationship breaking event (sorry honey, that was our whole year of entertainment budget).
It seems to me that I frequently see 18% automatically added to the check for a larger party. We have been tipping 20%, pretty much as a standard, for years. In fact, as long as I remember knowing DH - over 30 years. I do calculate that 20% on the bill without tax.
Here’s a question - I’ve been told that when calculating tip, you don’t need to include the cost of liquor. Anyone familiar with this? Personally, if the service has been good, I include the liquor in the total when I calculate the tip amount. We don’t order full expensive bottles of wine as rule - just a cocktail or single glass of wine, so for good service the server is getting a bit more without the tip being inflated by something like a $50+ bottle of wine. Anyone out there tip the wine steward separately???
.We always include the alcohol to figure the tip total. Bringing you drinks is part of the service. In the more upscale restaurants, where a bottle of wine can go well over $75 the waiters generally tip out the wine steward with the total check tip. (as they do the runners, bus boy and bartender)
