<p>When I was growing up, my grandmother and great aunt hosted dinners & I was relegated to the basement with the rest of the kids- ( although for smaller dinners I would help with drying dishes). My mother didn’t host anything & when I would go to inlaws- I didn’t know what to do. MIL has two daughters that she is very close to & I would ask what I could do to help- but they would tell me that they didn’t need anything. ( and then complain about me later).
I was afraid of doing the wrong thing or in the wrong order- especially when the space is small. </p>
<p>When I put on something ( admittedly infrequently), I try and be very specific about what and when I need help- I think most people are willing to, but they don’t know what to do.</p>