<p>Well put oldman!</p>
<p>Bay…</p>
<p>You ask how much have things change…</p>
<p>When I was in college (in the late 70’s), girls had sex with their steady boyfriends (and, yes, break ups were painful back then, too). Only “loose girls” (ones with reps) “slept around” or had sex very early in a relationship (after a few dates). One night stands were what 'bad girls" did - they certainly were not the women that “good men” would want to marry some day.</p>
<p>Now… it’s quite different. Casual one-night stands (known as “hook ups”) are not uncommon - especially on weekends. Excessive alcohol use plays a heavy role in all of this. Therefore, it is theoretically possible, that within one school year, a person could have 20 - 30 different partners - or even more partners if a person “hooks up” with different people on Friday nites and Saturday nites.</p>
<p>jlaur95, </p>
<pre><code> It’s really so sad, and if you think of it in terms of what thisoldman was talking about, it’s down right frightening!
</code></pre>
<p>Unsoccermom: >>>> I do not feel that casual sex is in the best interest of my child. I believe strongly that most young women invest themselves emotionally with their partners even if their intent was to “keep it light”. It is not the way most of us work on an emotional level and it is certainly not the way my daughter’s emotional center works. Too often, casual sex leaves young women with a feeling of emptiness and undermines their self-esteem. Perhaps not in the heat of the moment “fueled” by performance enhancers such us alcohol, drugs, and peer pressure; but most will be struck with negative feelings at some point and will find that the casualness of it all negatively impacts the ability of both young men and young women to engage in committed caring relationships. <<<</p>
<p>I think your words describe many young women after they realize that they wrongly thought that a relationship was “more serious” than it was or was “going to become more serious” then it ever became. Many/most girls are “wired” (culturally and inherently) to associate intimacy with commitment (and some guys do as well). </p>
<p>Frequently, a male’s interest in getting “to know” a woman often “stagnates” (stop growing) when sex occurs too early in a relationship. The opposite often happens with females - they will sometimes seek to “grow” a relationship (that may not be good for them) just because sex took place. Perhaps that is because women want to justify their reasons for having a casual hook up or perhaps they feel that the intimacy must mean something more is meant to be. Who knows? The point is that women - on the most part - take sex more seriously than men do.</p>
<p>I also think that these “lipstick parties” are going to lead to a lot of “self-hatred” and depression.</p>
<p>Buy your teenage ladies a book titled “The doctor’s complete college girls’ health guide”. It is sort of an extension of “American Girl” series for young adults. A little lame, but… The detailed description of the aftermath of unsafe sex can scare the socks off of some girls.
BB.</p>
<p>“When I was in college (in the late 70’s), girls had sex with their steady boyfriends (and, yes, break ups were painful back then, too). Only “loose girls” (ones with reps) “slept around” or had sex very early in a relationship (after a few dates). One night stands were what 'bad girls” did - they certainly were not the women that “good men” would want to marry some day."</p>
<p>When I was in college (graduated in the early '70s), lots of people slept around as young women were enjoying the freedom of the pill, which was available at the school’s health clinic for just $3 a month. No one was worried about AIDS because it hadn’t been discovered. Abortion was newly legal.</p>
<p>The difference between what I remember happening in college and what I hear happens in college now is that having a boyfriend/girlfriend was the norm (though cheating also was rampant). Drunken hook-ups happened, but those were more like “oopsies” than regular weekend practices. The rare girls who had strings of one night stands were considered to be “fast.” Oral sex was not in the same category as a good-night kiss and probably was less prevalent than intercourse.</p>
<p>One thing that comes to mind about having all of these casual partners is what it can do to your reproductive system. I have several acquantances over the years who contracted chlamidia and PID"s and didn’t even know it until they realised that they were basically infertile. I guess no one at 18 thinks about that,especially when they’ve had a few shots of tequila!</p>
<p>I am not concerned in the slightest about my children “waiting until marriage”. They don’t have to be celibate to be good people.</p>
<p>But we have taught them to be responsible individuals, who think carefully about their decisions, and the ramifications of those decisions. </p>
<p>Casual sex is a dumb decision, in my opinion, but I am not policing old teenagers by not allowing car dates or monitoring their every move. I think that inevitably backfires on parents who think they can “prevent” their children from having sex by believing that they can simply monitor every situation. </p>
<p>The goal is for kids to make good decisions themselves, whatever they may be.</p>
<p>Several of the parents of my friends at the womens’ college I attended thought that going there would somehow prevent them from having sex. We weren’t exactly handed chastity belts at Orientation! Same went for some of the Catholic colleges. (“none of that stuff going on there!”)</p>
<p>Parents are concerned because…we know…sex can make you… P<em>A</em>R<em>E</em>N<em>T</em>S.</p>
<p>:eek:</p>
<p>I know people who had sex very young, or have sex with many partners, and are happy and don’t regret it.</p>
<p>I know people who waited until they were older, or who believe that true love is a prerequisite for sex, who have regrets or got hurt.</p>
<p>(And of course I know plenty of people in the reverse situations, but I wanted to state the counterexamples to popular belief.)</p>
<p>I would not engage in sexual activity with someone I didn’t love, and I didn’t have a boyfriend, date, kiss, anything else until I was 21. I believe that this was the correct decision for me, but would not try to insist on it for anyone else, as each person is different. I still got hurt a bit, but not because of malice on the part of my ex-boyfriend, who is a fine person and still a good friend.</p>
<p>The advice that I would give someone (a future son or daughter, a younger sibling, etc), is:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Respect yourself, and know yourself and your values. Whatever you choose, don’t make your sexual/romantic decisions for the sake of conformity or popularity.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t engage in any sort of sexual activity (and for that matter, probably don’t start dating) unless you’re confident in your own assertiveness that you will be able to say “No more, no farther, that’s enough” and stand by it. If you can’t do this, you are setting yourself up for some serious regret and pain, regardless of your age or your particular mores/adherence to them.</p></li>
<li><p>Practice safe sex.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t engage in sexual activity in the absence of trust.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t use sex or sexuality as a weapon.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>My concern was mostly her emotional well being. I’ve posted this on another thread but the advice I gave my D was this: </p>
<p>The end of a sexual relationship can be disappointing and painful. Women tend to experience this regardless of whether they know “up front” it is a casual relationship and even if they are the one to end it. So: how many times do you think you can experience the blow of a failed relationship before you begin to subtly close up, to protect yourself-- and no longer bring the same open-heartedness and trust to your future relationships? </p>
<p>Maybe some girls can go through this ten or twenty times and still be okay, but maybe others would be wounded after two or three-- but it’s impossible to predict in advance. So, I told her to pace herself and realize that her ability to love deeply and openly deserved protection, so it remains intact for her eventual marriage. If she became sexual with someone it should be someone who was really worth giving this finite resource-- her open heart-- to.</p>
<p>I think she paid attention to my advice, as she has been very selective thus far and is in a long term relationship with a young man who loves her and treats her like gold.</p>
<p>What a great post, SBMom. And JessieHL’s is pretty good too.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>…speak for yourself, dp…
;O</p>
<p>Now “woody” is gone and “weenie” is here. Too funny!</p>
<p>I’m with you Allmusic.</p>
<p>SBMom, I hope you don’t mind if I copy and paste your post. Really good.</p>
<p>Weenie, too funny! How did you make that little blue guy on your post?</p>
<p>SBMom - great post. It is everything I want to say to my daughter, so I just emailed it to her. Thanks.</p>
<p>Sarahsmom: You have to type</p>
<p>: then the word eek then another : </p>
<p>(all with no spaces between).</p>