<p>Well. woody is back and I want you to know that my screen name has nothing to do with anything. (Months ago, my husband thought it was an unfortunate choice.) Now, as my mother would say, get your mind out of the gutter and get back to the discussion. (Insert smiley face here.)</p>
<p>Yeah, that was beautiful SBMom and jessie, it sounds like you know what you’re doing. I cringe when I hear the term “random hook-ups”, but I try not to be judgmental.</p>
<p>Back when I was a nurse, I had to give a penicillin shot to a teenage girl who had gotten gonorrhea and PID, possibly jeopardising her future fertility. That needle was so long and the gauge so large, my knees feel weak just remembering it. Think about THAT before your next random hook-up, at least an unprotected one! :eek:</p>
<p>My first attempt at an emoticon. My son says an adult using emoticons now is like my parents’ generation dressing like the Monkees. :eek: again!</p>
<p>Oh, I have to try it! :eek: I only have one more day to laze around and then I have to get back to work. It’s good.</p>
<p>Cool! I’m going to wait until one of the girls emails me and then slip it into a response!!</p>
<p>^ It might not work in email!!! :(</p>
<p>jlauer95 and others: the point of “sex is not recreation” is simply that the kids were not to treat it like a trip to Dairy Queen, or a pick-up game of basketball. It can and usually does have consequences that go far beyond the physical act. Of course, sex is fun. (God made it that way!)</p>
<p>Great quote from SBmom </p>
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<p>This is so true and reminds me of being pregnant with my children. I avoided ingesting many things (caffeine, OTC meds, SweetnLow, etc) when I was pregnant because even though my baby “might” not be hurt by them, I wouldn’t know if they did hurt him until it would be too late (after damage was done and some birth defect occurred). </p>
<p>In some ways, isn’t that the concern that we have about our kids engaging in serial casual sex?? We may not know how much “casual sex” each of them can have and remain unscathed until the damage is done, therefore the best advice is to avoid casual sex with a serial of partners.</p>
<p>You’re right, weenie. Oh well, at least I can use it here!
jlauer95: We knew what 'ya meant, it was great comit relief though!!</p>
<p>From 1950, when my parents were in college, things have changed dramtically. Guys were horny and girls had the power of distribution in hand. From 1975, things have not changed that much.</p>
<p>Sure, we have the pornification of media and weird gratuitous blow jobs on offer as ‘bait’, but overall I don’t think things have changed dramatically from 1975. Of my four suitemates from Long Island, Chicago and South Bend, I was the only one who was a sophomore when I fell in love. The other three were madly in love by Christmas of Freshman year. None of us married our first loves. One of the girls got PID in junior year. Two of the girls never married. All of us are now professional women.</p>
<p>My sons and the majority of their friends gravitate towards intimate, monogamous relationships. When they are single, and sometimes when they are not, boys are offered all kinds of sexual opportunities by all kinds of otherwise sweet girls. Pardon me if I don’t buy into the righteous speal about the virtues of girls who tell their parents everything. Having seen the other side of the coin, I doubt that.</p>
<p>Also, at fifty, many years away from the near panic of initial lust, I look back on my early love life with great fondness. It was wonderful. It enhanced my life and my marriage tremendously <em>ahem</em> .</p>
<p>Another great quote from SBmom’s post…</p>
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<p>SBmom’s last line refers to a “finite resource - her open heart.” </p>
<p>That is sooooo true - and I think, as a society, we have forgotten that. We know that this is true - we have seen this with foster kids who have been yanked from home to home - after having their “open hearts” hurt over and over again, they begin shutting down their hearts to protect themselves from further pain. Their “finite hearts” are closed. Is this the destiny for some/many who are having numerous, serial, casual hookups?</p>
<p>sarahs…</p>
<p>I think I’m dense… what was the comic relief? (I’m slow at times.) Did I write a double entendre?</p>
<p>fencers…</p>
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<p>Of course I agree with that. Heck, kids will have sex with people that they wouldn’t even lend $50 to. </p>
<p>Northstarmom made a great point about how things were when we were in college… “Oral sex was not in the same category as a good-night kiss…”</p>
<p>What have we done to our young women that they think that they need to “service” guys at the end of a first date? (From what I understand, it usually is a totally “one way” street - do I need to be more blunt?) Not to mention that these girls do not know these guys (these virtual strangers) well enough to know how good their hygiene is “down there.”</p>
<p>Although parents tend to think they can protect their children from all of life’s hurts and disappointments, the fact is…we can’t. There are kids who will give their hearts away, thinking they are in a loving, committed relationship, and find their hearts broken. But it doesn;t necessarily make the sexual experience “wrong”, just because it didn’t last. </p>
<p>We can’t pad the world for our kids. Their hearts may be broken, but they will become stronger as a result of having truly cared about another person. I really think we do kids a disservice by expecting that our children are not stronger than a failed relationship (and I am talking relationship, not random hookup). </p>
<p>Many of us survived numerous relationships before marriage. I know I did, and have been married for 20 years. I don’t feel like I was used goods, or eternally wounded, as a result of sex before marriage. I assume my children will survive similarly. They are made of strong stuff, and have a lot of life to experience, before settling down.</p>
<p>JL, the unidirectional expectations about sex are one of the things that bothers me very much about the current “hook up” attitudes.</p>
<p>Otoh, I confess, that while I don’t want to know any details, I would not want a D to “wait until marriage.” Of course, the double-standard is alive and well, kicking very strongly. But for many women, fulfillment is very much a matter of the chemistry with a particular partner whereas, to quote THE JOY OF SEX (does that date me or what?), guys are much more automatic, like putting a quarter in a vending machine. I don’t think a woman should “save herself” on the altar of the double-standard only to find that an important part of her marriage is going to be unsatisfactory…that’s an awfully high price to pay. (Now, if she knows how things lay up front and makes the considered choice to proceed, that’s a different matter.)</p>
<p>Allmusic, nice points.</p>
<p>The original post was about ‘kids’ in college and beyond. These people are considered old enough by our society to go out to Iraq or wherever else and get shot at or otherwise killed, maimed, and/or tortured. Even in civillian life there are lots of dangerous situations these people can get into- sexual or otherwise. We are not going to be there to keep protecting our ‘babies’ at all times. </p>
<p>My advice to lazy_guy89 is that, assuming you are already 18 and in college, you have to make your own decisions. You need to be secure enough by now to do what YOU think is right even if your parents think otherwise. </p>
<p>fencersmother, its great that you and possibly your kids have God’s word to guide you through life. Us atheists are not so lucky. We have to make our own decisions- just like lazy_guy89 has to.</p>
<p>gee, I always thought casual sex, was a pair of dockers and a golf shirt…or was that casual fridays?</p>
<p>I guess when I was improving my carnal knowledge, I was pretty serious about it. Didn’t have sex enough to be casual about it…</p>
<p>Well I’m fifty-six, older than most of you, and I must say, I’ll always remember the sixties fondly. Yeah, AIDs and STD’s make the light hearted attitude I had impossible, but that’s a shame IMO.</p>
<p>Cheers said young men still want to get into monogamous relationships. That hasn’t been D’s experience, though she did have one long term relationship. I thought if anyone was going to be successful in the dating game it would be her: she is witty and looks like a cross between Salma Hayak and Penelope Cruz. However, she insists that most guys just want to hook up which she has no interest in. She maintains that there are so many girls and so few straight guys that they have no reason to pair off. If it were me, I would take a throw the spaghetti against the wall and see what sticks approach. She is more conservative. I guess she should be giving me lectures.</p>
<p>I am happy that we will never (I hope) go back to an era in which all pre-marital sex is bad, at least for women. I am old enough to remember that, and it was awful, so hypocritical, judgemental and misogynistic. It was a time when the world illlegitimate actually had a powerful connotation.</p>
<p>I haven’t read most of the posts here, but today the title caught my eye. I had to tell an 18 yo college freshman that her late period and positive pregnancy test meant only one thing…</p>
<p>Whatever you do, make it safe, well, as safe as one can make it. This young thing ran out of her OCP’s and wasn’t using condoms. You know… it was just once or twice. I hope the STI screening will be negative.</p>
<p>Sorry JL, I thought you were the one that said “sex is not for recreation.” Many good quips were made about that comment. I’m having a bad quotations day.</p>
<p>Did anyone here suggest that kids wait until marriage? Where was that? God I’m having a bad day. If so, I missed that.</p>
<p>My dad used to give my brothers this advice…The body does not have enough blood supply to support two heads at the same time. Therefore, employ “Big Ed” before “Little Ed.” I think that girls could also learn from this advice!</p>
<p>Yesterday I listened to my neighbor talk about her 20-something coworkers. She’s the middle aged mom they come to when they have relationship trouble. She says sex causes much of this trouble, due to differing expectations. Afterwards the girls complain that ‘he won’t call’; in defense the guys say ‘I don’t want a relationship now’. She says the girls know better, but get caught up in the moment. She says she tells the guys that it’s not nice to have sex with a girl they are unwilling to nurture a relationship with. She says this happens constantly at her restaurant.</p>
<p>So why are parents concerned about sex in college? Because it makes the heartbreak more acute. What’s wrong with saying no until you know the person well enough to know whether they want a real relationship?</p>