No words, just hugs, @lotsofquests. And more hugs. I am so sorry to read this.
Really sorry @lotsofquests. Grief is so raw and unexplainable
So very sorry for your loss @lotsofquests
feelings are OK, you feel what you feel. How you ACT on them is what counts. That helped me in many situations when people said I should not feel whatever.
Again, so sorry. It is coming up on the 20 anniversary of my sister’s death and I am freaking out a bit more than usual over it. This is another weird “first” since my mom’s death. Don’t want to derail your support, so I hope it helps to know you are NOT alone in your grief.
Esobay, it actually helps me to know that others also feel so deeply about a loved one. My H is trying but he can’t really understand. He was an only child. He has close friends, definitely closer friends than I have ever had. I think I didn’t work as hard at friendship because I had my four sisters. Now two are gone. I still miss my younger sister after 12 years and sometimes it hits me at the strangest times when some random thing triggers a memory. With this death, I will not only have more memories of time shared but I am also mourning the lost time of things we had planned to do. Once again is the reminder to all—don’t put off doing those important things. You might not have a next year or even a next week.
I am sorry to hear about your sister. Perhaps an email or a text if you don’t feel ready to call and speak on the phone yet? Start it by saying that you don’t feel ready to talk.
As for the Coumadin testing, if you want I can PM you the name of the company we are using.
I have talked to my brother-in-law and got the preliminary details. Son changed his flight to arrive tomorrow afternoon. I think I have someone to stay with H while I go to the airport and to my niece’s afterward. I would like to be with everyone now but I can wait until tomorrow.
Hugs to you. One day at a time. As everyone said, feel your feelings. Being grief stricken means you had a relationship that meant something special.
@lotsofquests my sympathies on the loss of your sister. My brother is one of my closest friends. I understand your sentiments. Hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss, @lotsofquests. Our sibling relationships are among the closest we will ever have. You have the right to mourn your loss as deeply and as long as you need to.
I left H home alone yesterday evening. After moping around the house most of the day, he called me downstairs and told me to go be with my family. He called a neighbor for backup and I helped him walk upstairs and got him settled in a chair with the tv tuner, tv listings, bottled water, a few other necessities and, most importantly, the telephone. His plan was to call the neighbor once an hour to checkin. I unlocked the front door just in case. Another friend had offered to come sit with him but he was so proud of arranging things, that I told her not to bother.
It was good for both of us. He needs to get more independence but in a safe environment. I spent a couple of hours at my nephew’s house with just the immediate family, telling stories and reading FB comments. My sister had been the town librarian for over 40 years before her retirement, so she had touched a lot of lives in a very positive way. As a kid, I thought funeral homes were barbaric but I have changed my mind. It helps to share memories and experiences.
Thanks, CC, for giving me a safe place to vent. sometimes I know that I am being self-centered or immature, so I can’t really say what I want. Right now, I don’t want to be an adult.
Two steps forward and 3 steps back. A week ago after leaving the house for only the third time in 7 weeks, we had another setback. After returning from a small birthday party of another home bound friend, we were relaxing in separate rooms. H suddenly yelled for me. He had fallen and of course couldn’t get up. It was a struggle but I managed to get him up from the floor. It scared us both. I don’t know how much longer I can lift him and I obviously can’t leave him alone for more than a few minutes of time.
My wonderful helper is leaving for a 10 day vacation after tomorrow. And our wonderful neighbors are leaving for vacation on Thursday for a week. Thursday is my birthday, not an easy time under the best of circumstances; this year, I just want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. Unfortunately, H has invited a young man that he mentored to visit with his wife and twins. At least I won’t be expected to cook dinner because the twins have sensory issues and one has very restricted diet. (When they visited last year, we took them out).
Last year I tried to plan lunch with my sister to celebrate our birthdays which are weeks apart. With my H’s medical issues last year, we never found the time. Fortunately, in the fall when he was able to drive again, we did have some good times together.
I got a message from my nieces that they were sorting through their mother’s things and asked if I and the 2 remaining sisters wanted to see if there is something we wanted. Even if I had the freedom to leave, I don’t think I can handle that yet, if ever.
In the midst of my self-pity, I have been watching the miracle in Thailand. There is much good in the world.
Oh, @lotsofquests, I wish you had the equivalent of a Thai SEAL to help you!
Rosedred55, thanks for that cheery thought. I will go to sleep now with a smile on my face.
My heart grieves with you. I love my sisters greatly and your comment about not making as many friends because you had them resonated with me as well. You are in a tough spot with your husband, have you thought about him living in a skilled nursing facility?
I feel like a black cloud is over my head, so I am returning to my CC outlet. The last time I wrote I was dreading my birthday which turned out to be a better than decent day. Our friends with their twins stopped for several hours so I got lots of exercise chasing after them while the parents visited with H. Our house is not child-proofed and these kids were pretty undisciplined but we survived.
I was missing my sister but was really happy when her daughters both called me. The younger one had her two daughters(3 and 6) sing to me. My son called and was pretty optimistic about a contract he is waiting on.
H was able to go out to dinner at a fairly quiet neighborhood restaurant. A friend offered to drive us so I didn’t have to worry about parking or leaving H on sidewalk while I parked. Dinner was nothing fancy but it was a great evening being able to go out again.
Two weeks later H was back in the hospital with pneumonia and then 3 more weeks at inpatient rehab. The facility is very good and it was nice to see familiar faces of the staff. Unfortunately, it is another step backwards in regaining independence. He got home a week ago and my life-saving caretaker goes back to school next week. She only teaches 1/2 days on Tuesday and Thursday so she was planning to help us out those days. It wasn’t a lot of time, but at least I could run a few errands without worrying. Today she called to say that she broke her toe and is not supposed to walk. I just want to cry! Maybe I should offer to take H to her house so I can take care of both of them.
To end on a positive note: August is nearly over so the heat and humidity should dissipate soon.
I’m sorry! That sounds like too much for one person (you!) to manage. I hope you get some relief soon.
Oh, dear, @lotsofquests, I am so sorry, just having even that tiny amount of time to look forward to makes the rest survivable. As few hours as it is, you are still sharing the load, I know. I hope she heals quickly and you find another person for another couple of afternoons!
One of the problems I have experienced in caregiving is that you spend so much time and effort and energy arranging, thinking, planning, figuring out, making happen, all the things that need to happen for the ‘caree’ that by the time you sit down with them, you’re out of things to say. You cannot recount your day dealing with their stuff, don’t want to make them feel bad, but it is a struggle to enjoy what is supposed to be a normal conversation!
How was your husband’s physical and mental recovery going before he got sick? My MIL had a serious stroke many years ago, affected her left side, aneurysm, they did not know how she survived it, so much of her brain was black on the scans, she recovered quite a bit and went on the travel the world thanks to the tireless efforts of FIL.
Thinking of you, @lotsofquests, and hoping September will be a better month. I thought of that line from Christopher Robin when I read your latest post. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Lots of ((HUGS)) are coming your way.
Good news! Caretaker got a boot on her left foot and can walk. She came Thursday afternoon so I could go the gym. Her husband, my personal trainer, has been my unofficial marriage counselor for 4-5 years, listening to my daily frustrations with my loveable, hoarding, control freak, etc. husband who drives me crazy. I had been envious of his wife thinking he is such a perfect husband and father. Now that I know her, I am finding he is pretty frustrating to live with too!
I am trying to stay upbeat but the truth is that I am scared of my new reality. I don’t like myself when I snap at H which happens when I am sleep deprived, frustrated with his endless demands, and no longer have my best friend to talk to. I think things will get better when the weather changes and he can breathe better but I am worried that his lungs are getting worse.
I appreciate the comments from the kind people of CC. I will try not to whine too much and hope that the people who might be bothered will just ignore the thread. Writing here really helps to release some of the frustration.
@lotsofquests, I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but … you sound so normal! I wish you weren’t having to endure all these losses and changes, but I think you’re responding totally appropriately and I hope you continue to come here to vent.