That’s the position my grandchildren will be in. They were given hyphenated last names at birth- the name is 5 syllables and 16 letters long (not counting the hyphen). I wonder what they will do when they become adults.
No, the point was more about the social expectations (by husbands expecting their wives to change their names when the wives would not otherwise do so, and by bureaucrats, both mentioned in this thread, e.g. near the end of reply #137) that put pressure on wives but not husbands to change their names.
One way (not the only possible way) that this is handled is common in Spanish speaking or heritage areas.
My kids’ hyphenated name is 11 letters and 3 syllables. I like it.
I think (at least) one aspect of this is controversial and interesting: how much is individual “choice” influenced by our cultural soup of expectations and then justified after the fact?
I put myself squarely into this category. My “choice” to take my husband’s name was definitely influenced by the reality of the patriarchy.
No woman takes their husband’s name by complete choice. If it were not the social (patriarchal) norm to change names, would that idea just occur to a woman naturally as something that should be done? If so, what would her reasons be? Women make a choice to follow social norms but they do not just come up with that option out of the blue. Hope this makes sense!
While norms and traditions are changing, most western weddings I have attended still place much more importance on the bride that the groom. It’s her day. She is the one who gets an expensive diamond wedding ring when she is engaged. The groom will frequently wear a rented tux that looks identical to their groomsman and is the same cost. Brides typically wear an expensive, elaborate, custom white dress that is much more expensive than a tux. Everyone knows exactly who the bride is. She is the star of the wedding and the last one to enter the ceremony as they play the wedding march, with the groom and groomsman awaiting her arrival.
Much like the woman taking the man’s last name, the wedding ceremony tradition is so ingrained in our culture that its hard to break.
It does make sense. Though I can’t say what I would have done in a different universe, I’ll try to speak to the question. I married because I was desperate to leave my parents’ home and was too emotionally crippled to feel I could do it any other way. Taking my husband’s name was like grabbing a life-preserver.
I love my maiden name and it is my legal middle name.
But, I happily changed it when I married 30 years ago because my married name really is that unique and awesome! If you heard it, you would all agree! 
S1 got married last year and when people asked my DIL if she was going to change her name, she would respond “Uh, heck yea! Who doesn’t want to be a (last name)!!”
I think we’re going to have to guess @dwhite’s last name! 
@doschicos - LOL!
White? 
.
Some of the “it’s MY day” stuff gets so obnoxious, I really feel for the groom. But they often play into it, saying, “I don’t care about that stuff…as long as she’s happy, I’m happy.”
DWhite.
Kennedy?
Rockefeller?
Einstein?
zuckerman?
Gates?
Oh dear, I could go on with authors and painters . Of course I respect your privacy.
@bookworm - Darn, now I wish my name was Einstein!
Vanderbilt would be appropriate for this site…
@dwhite ,
Windsor?
I know a family with that last name. They, sometimes, joke that they are related to The royal Windsor.
As far as engagement rings go, my DS and FDIL exchanged matching engagement rings.
That’s the point of my question. If there was a desire for this to change, like the occurring changes around who asks whom and who changes their last name (or not), it would begin to change. But their doesn’t seem to be a lot of social traction for change related to emphasis on and special treatment of the woman/bride. This surprises me given the patriarchical “property” origins and connotations of these practices.
Clearly not everyone associates current practices with their origins.
Same goes for various holidays or other traditions.