<p>after april 1…cc has gone too serious…i HAD to bump this thread…</p>
<p>bump…</p>
<p>Why I hate you ionstituition</p>
<p>My ambitions to ressurect Nazism</p>
<p>Why my essay is can own your college</p>
<p>why America sucks</p>
<p>How a sexy students should look in your college</p>
<p>Why July 31 is a better deadline than February 1.</p>
<p>“My Essay”</p>
<p>1) My New Sweater [Complete with a Zipper]
I thought it would be nice to recount some of my poetry I wrote in complete angst when my girlfriend broke up with me on April 20th, 2005. As I was listening to Dashboard Confessional, the emotions came at me from all sides and angles. As I fought back the tears, here are the words I committed to paper: . . .</p>
<p>2) My Daily Visits to the Dean [Unedited for Content]</p>
<p>3) Oops I Lost My V-Card, I Hope I Don’t Get Deported ;P</p>
<p>4) How Marijuania Changed My Perspectives on the World: A Metaphysical Anecdote on Why I Stole a Penny and Doug the Ghost Is Funny</p>
<p>5) The Day Gravity Reversed and the Holding onto the Ground Was My Only Salvation: A Love Letter to the Everclear</p>
<p>6) The Unfortunate Tragedy When Pills Didn’t Do the Job: Or How I Learned to Stop Worry and Love the Safety Catch</p>
<p>7) Running With Scissors</p>
<p>8) On Clarifying Anatomy A Humourous Tale of the Exploits Sir Markus Johnson and his Two Cohorts
or
If Leslie and Diane Were Bigger They Might Rule the World</p>
<p>9) How Violent Japanese Porn Cartoons Saved My Life</p>
<p>10) disPellering tHeee miTHes aNd faltyhoodeS of IIIIIIIIriiiiiishhhhhhh LIFE!!!iloveyousomuch!!!hsdfjhsa!!!</p>
<p>11) Vacationing a Few Weeks in Amsterdam and My Subsequent Recovery</p>
<p>12) This essay is about the organization I started up to effect change in the lack of brotherhood within our town’s police force. The Secret Society of DragRacers has contributed positively to state and locally funding of our police force and its nearby academy.</p>
<p>13) My Plans for the New, Perfect America (as devoted to my hero, Donald H. Rumsfeld)</p>
<p>14) So I Saw Your Institution Ranked in USNews the Other Day</p>
<p>15) On Why I Am Only Going to Your Fine Institution of Higher Education Based on How Much Money I Receive: A Desperate Plea for Financial Aid</p>
<p>“Why Writing An Essay is a Pathetic Waste of my Time (Also Known As: Please, Please, Please Accept Me!)”</p>
<p>Accept me or I will fire you!</p>
<p>Why I will sue the school even if I’m accepted.</p>
<p>How ****ing at your lawn changed my life</p>
<p>Giant Space Ants are our Overlords.</p>
<p>“Don’t drop the soap”: My Experiences in Prison</p>
<p>ha ha ha… this is funny</p>
<p>“Why Hitler’s method of dealing with rejection parallels my own”</p>
<p>B>>>u>>>>m>>>p>>>></p>
<p>OMG THIS IS SOOOOOO FUNNY</p>
<p>“Why Hitler’s method of dealing with rejection parallels my own”</p>
<p>and </p>
<p>“How ****ing at your lawn changed my life”</p>
<p>but maybe that one should be</p>
<p>how ****ing your offspring on the quad changed my perspective on your college</p>
<p>attach pictures taken by flabbergasted tourists</p>
<p>Haha… I liked “Instead Of An Essay, Here’s a Photocopy Of My Ass”… XD</p>
<p>“The Police Report was Greatly Exaggerated”
“Howw Spel-Check Sayved My Liffe in Hay Skool”
“Spring Break 2004 in Baghdad”
“Whatever My Teachers or Counselors Said, It’s a Lie Because They Hate Me”
“Lies, Lies, and More Lies”
“I Don’t Like the Drugs but the Drugs Like Me”
“The SAT can Suck my [fill in the blank]”
“Several Episodes of Law and Order: SVU Were Based on Me and my Family”
“Who Actually Reads Metamorphosis Anyway?”</p>
<p>“Dear MIT, I know you’re not reading this essay because I already scored a 1600 on my SAT and you must’ve already accepted me for that, here is a brief description of my life…”</p>
<p>okytdy: i actually got accepted at michigan state for something along those lines lol it was my backup and my dad forced me to apply and i really didnt wanna waste my time writing an essay for them</p>