<p>How I Was an Inspiration for R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” Episodes</p>
<p>“Remember Last Night…”</p>
<p>“Ten things an admissions officer should never do when held at gunpoint”</p>
<p>“Styrofoam: The Other White Meat”</p>
<p>“I Know Where You Live”</p>
<p>“The REAL Reason Why It’s Called a Number 2 Pencil”</p>
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<p>Haha… bad images…</p>
<p>“Your Mama Jokes”</p>
<p>5k177z 7h47 k177z</p>
<p>“Confessions of a Teenage Arsonist - a movie based on my would-be college essay, starring Lindsay Lohan. Free soundtrack! -starts singing-
That girl was a long time teenage arsonist…”</p>
<p>“My life as a spammer on neopets.com.”</p>
<p>“Let’s face it, you don’t want to read another essay. Here, have some cookies instead.”</p>
<p>“6,926,751 Hours on CC - why it counts as community service.”</p>
<p>“I’m a close relative of Hugh Hefner. Accept me and your wildest dreams will come true” <------ hopefully whoever writes this will have a horny male admissions officer LOL</p>
<p>“I own and operate a brothel. Me love you long time”</p>
<p>“Why ____________ is the perfect college for me” (and handwrite the college’s name)</p>
<p>–OR–</p>
<p>“Why MIT/Caltech/Case Western/Cornell/Upenn is an excellent engineering school for me” (And you circle one and send it to the respective school)</p>
<p>“Family Dynamics: my father is also my son-in-law, and my brother is also my grandson”</p>
<p>“If you do not accept me, [rival school’s name] will accept me for sure”</p>
<p>“I have a videotape of your Admissions Director streaking across a neighborhood while drunk. You know what you must do if he/she does not want it released”</p>
<p>“Book proposal: College Admissions for Dummies” (Or Complete Idiot’s guide to College Admissions)</p>
<p>“My assassin training with [insert enemy country’s military or intelligence agency]. Note: Don’t worry about the dot on your chest if you accept me”</p>
<p>“Tigers are evil and should be hunted to extinction” <— send to Princeton University</p>
<p>“I’m a published novelist already, so writing this essay would be pointless… you can go buy my books!”</p>
<p>this thread is too hilarious to die! BUMP!</p>
<p>“Why Klingon is Set to be the Next Language of Commerce”</p>
<p>“My Successes as a Procrastinator (Will Write Essay Later…In the Meantime, Stare at this Blank Page)”</p>
<p>“A Statistical Analysis of Female Populations at America’s Top 20 Party Schools: Dimensional, Drinking, Doing it”</p>
<p>“The Case for Religion as Pure Science”
“China is our Mutual Enemy”
“How to Eradicate (blank) Race”
“Confessions of a Serial Rapist”
“Sex is Unlawful-And How It Should Be Banned”
“The Nordic Crisis”
“The Art of Poisoning”
“Why Porn is Good Viewing”
“The Art of Picking Up (and Laying) Women”
“Treatise on the (insert sexual function)”</p>
<p>“My Job at (insert porn site, brothel/parlor/soapland, love hotel name)”
“How to Break Top-Secret Government Codes”
“How to Create a Permanent Computer Virus”
“Anthrax and Its Uses (with experimental data)”
“The Dear Leader Kim Jong Il and his Contributions to the World)”
“When to Use Napalm on A College Campus”
“Virtues of the Sexual Abuse of Women”
“Investigation of Crystal Meth”
“Internet Stalkers: What Types of Girls to Attack”
“Forgery for Dummies”</p>
<p>“Never Count Breasts”</p>
<p>I will love you forever if you get that. (That show is the awesome)</p>
<p>Essay season is upon us, so time to bump this thread to life again for those who missed it last year!</p>
<p>indeed. i completely agree</p>
<p>“How to sell your soul to Goldman Sachs in 10 days”
“If I say Donald Trump is my daddy will you let me in?”
“Securities Fraud 101”
“Frank Quattrone: My Hero”
“How I worship the Wharton School on a daily basis”</p>
<p>Use ONLY when applying to the Wharton School of Finance.</p>
<p>“Why I became a Nazi”</p>