<p>How I Lost Friends And Alienated People</p>
<p>lulz Tenacious J. what a baller name. The Cafe is good for some pre-2007 necroing :]</p>
<p>“Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Grand Theft Auto”
“Colleges that Reject Me Are Gay”
“I’m Not Insane Because the Voices Inside My Head Say I’m Not Insane”
“It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp: Why I Won’t Need Financial Aid”</p>
<p>Blow: How I Snorted Enough Coke To Make George Jung Look Like An Unassuming Adcom</p>
<p>My struggled with my vertical impairment disability
Fat People: a rare delicacy
What I did with my neighbors dog</p>
<p>Creativeness: How I made my first million off my neighbor’s 6 kids</p>
<p>“I spent all 320 hours of community service trying to beat Glass Joe in Punch-Out”
“An Introduction to Innuendo”
“An Album Cover”
“I Broke the 48-Hour Rule!”
“You Mean I Had to Wait 2 Days to Discuss the Free Response Questions?”
“Why College is Useless”
“All My Scholarship Money Will Go to Partying!”
“Why Ke$ha Inspired Me!”
“omg omg omg I caugt t3h Jon@$ Bros!!!1!!!1!!111!!”
“Its know wonder why you’re collage is more better then Bridgeport. Their a awesome school”
“Get up get get down. 911’s a joke in your town!”
“(insert school here): Why I want to get into said school”
“I failed the usage test 45 times. Your [sic] still going to have to accept me.”</p>
<p>
Dang It! I thought I was the first one who’d make a Celebrity Jeopardy! joke.</p>
<p>I slept with a Vanderbilt, do I get in?</p>
<p>“A Discourse on the Relationship between Intercourse with minorities in inner city neighborhoods and the transmission of sexual transmitted disease… The Musical!”</p>
<p>Racism, Class-ism, Elitism, and Singing! Who could want more than that?</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>“The Advantages of the Libido: How to Sell Yourself and Manipulate Others for Grades and More!”</p>
<p>Essay Question: Explain an event that has influenced you and sums up who you are as a person
~How I sold drugs to the white trash motherf-cker who I slept with in the 9th grade~</p>
<p>What colleges do not want are apparently you and your…
- Drug Use
- Sex life
And plus, calling somebody by the name of a “white trash motherf-cker” just makes it better/worse.</p>
<p>&&</p>
<p>Essay Question: Why [insert college name]
~B’cos my counsellor said I needed a safety forced me to apply to [insert college name]~</p>
<p>“Marx and Me: A Love Story”
“Insanity:Why You Shouldn’t Read My Guidance Counselor’s Letter”
“I Was Only Peeking”
“What I can Tell Your Employers About You”
“A Life-changing Experience: Volunteering in my Backyard”</p>
<p>Lessons from my Shrink
How hormones affect my schoolwork
Why I should’ve had protection</p>
<p>“Why my parents think I should go to Harvard”
“Bob Jones University and I are a match made in heaven (I’m an atheist, BTW)”</p>
<p>accept me b.itch</p>
<p>“My College Essay 1”
“My College Essay 2”</p>
<p>“Who REALLY killed Kenny?”</p>
<p>“I base my sources off Wikipedia articles I edited to fit my sources”
“How The ‘Magic Tree House’ Series Helped Me Through History”</p>
<p>“The night I lost my virginity”</p>
<ol>
<li>(Insert Title Here)</li>
<li>A Treatise on Epistemological Nihilism, the Nature of Time, and Their Support of the Solipsist Argument</li>
</ol>