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<p>The guys only have to wear a suit (or a specified type of rental clothing), not lose the ring, and show up on time. The women do everything else. Of course the guys find it less stressful.</p>
<p>What? Eloping? No bridal showers? No special mother-daughter-family jaunt to NYC to try on dresses at Kleinfeld’s? (No chance to meet Randy?)</p>
<p>I would be sad if my daughter eloped (and yes, I’m a mom). Like Hunt said, I hate to miss milestones.</p>
<p>I would hate to miss milestones also. I REALLY want to see my children’s weddings.
That said, I got married in my parent’s back yard with family and very close friends. We had a ton of fun. I wish the same for my kids. I’m just hoping they or their partners are not into big affairs (unless they want to take care of it–and even then…).
Actually H and I considered elopement, discarded the idea as hurting our parents, and then had a family wedding which was great and memorable in the best ways!</p>
<p>My kids can whatever kind of goofy wedding they want, as long as I’m invited (and as long as I can wear clothes).</p>
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For me it isn’t about that - it’s about not knowing the kid was heading off to be married and being shut out from it altogether. To me it’s elopement on one side and knowledge of the upcoming marriage on the other side regardless of whether that marriage is done as a simple civil procedure at a courthouse or a bigger wedding ceremony. Personally I lean towards the simple marriage and think large marriage ceremonies are a waste of money but that’s just me. </p>
<p>I feel that I have a good relationship with my kids. I was aware of and attended every significant event in their lives from their birth, their illnesses, their schools, award ceremonies, scouting events, their purchases of their first cars, etc. and I want to at least be aware that they’re planning to get married on a particular date and would prefer to be in attendance whether it’s at the courthouse, on the beach, or elsewhere (the beach is a nice choice).</p>
<p>Some day I’ll go to Kleinfeld’s just to do it…look around, I mean.
.I went to JC Penny and got a prom-type dress I loved instead (white and off white were in that year)…(my mom made the veil…she put a lot of love into that!)</p>
<p>(the beach is a nice choice)</p>
<p>Designing a wedding?..beach is nice unless it’s February. I went to one…everyone had trenchcoats on to stay warm (we’re way too practical) except the bridal party who froze. But it was great! (after the thawing…)</p>
<p>Part of being a parent is knowing when to back off and let them live their own lives. IMO–the milestone should be theirs to celebrate and enjoy the way choose. </p>
<p>This. If any of my kids eloped, I’d be fine. I’d still want to throw a big party afterwards though.</p>
<p>I’ve changed my view of marriage over the years. I don’t think the piece of paper matters at all. I don’t think the government needs to bless a union. I can understand if someone’s religion is an issue, but otherwise, I don’t really see the need for marriage anymore. Couples can make lifetime commitments without the marriage.</p>
<p>Suzy100–whole 'nother basket of eggs–
I truly think the act of marriage, “we are in it for the long haul, here it is, we’ve made it harder to back out, I love you, this is it, laws make it harder to back out, BUT I love you enough to make those committments” says a lot more than living together.</p>
<p>That piece of paper might come in handy some day if you need to sue for child support.</p>
<p>We had an outdoor wedding planned for May 31 in Austin. That should have been a very safe date, rain-wise. Ha! It rained, literally, every day that month! Fortunately, the venue had a nice indoor room, so it turned out fine.</p>
<p>ML, it always floods on Memorial Day!</p>
<p>Hunt:* That piece of paper might come in handy some day if you need to sue for child support. *</p>
<p>No marriage certificate is required to get child support.</p>
<p>gouf: * I truly think the act of marriage, “we are in it for the long haul, here it is, we’ve made it harder to back out, I love you, this is it, laws make it harder to back out, BUT I love you enough to make those committments” says a lot more than living together. *</p>
<p>I understand, but I don’t necessarily agree. I think maybe that’s true if the couple keeps assets separate - like no house purchase together, no joint accounts, etc. - and if there are no children involved. Otherwise, I think it’s equally hard to unravel, just minus the attorneys fees.</p>
<p>OP: sorry for the hijack.</p>
<p>'I don’t understand why do much focus is on the wedding as opposed to the marriage."</p>
<p>Here, here. That said, I know that my mother would be very hurt if I got married without her there. I’m a city hall kind of girl, but I’d never do it without including my parents.</p>
<p>I would be very hurt if DH and I were not at our childrens’ weddings. </p>
<p>Expect that S1 will have a very small ceremony and then a party later. We are dealing with families on different continents, visas, etc. S1 and GF will be funding the entire thing and have already discussed their preferences with us regarding something small and simple, whether the wedding and party happen at the same time or not. Am taking a big gulp at the likelihood it will not be a religious ceremony. </p>
<p>I would be fine with the ceremony taking place in the fiancee’s country, and the party here, since there are grandparents and other family members there who are not able to travel overseas but US immigration is not as keen on it. </p>
<p>DH’s take is that there is a lot a couple learns about each other in the process of organizing a wedding – how each of them (and they as a couple) set boundaries, budget, negotiate, communicate, stand up to outside demands from parents, ILs, etc. Useful life skills, to be sure.</p>
<p>I would be sad. Being a mother of 2 D’s, in particular… While it is “just” a ceremony and party, and the marriage is what counts, I do like (idea of!!) the tradition of sharing and celebrating in a community of family and friends, and trying to join the families together. I do have to admit that I am a bit if a sucker for tradition and ceremonies, and pretty weddings , and happy memories…
HOWEVER-
My own wedding (extremely simple, low-cost) planning experience was sooo stressful, that it drove me into therapy.<br>
The wedding planning drove me happily into the arms of my H if only to get away from my crazy mother, who managed to make the simplest wedding so stressful, and to damage our relationship beyond repair, TBH.
So I have a good template for what NOT to do. I may even discuss with my D’s NOW (years aways from any such event) the concept of eloping vs. having a wedding, and tell my D’s that I hope to be a part of this special day somehow, and to have them promise tell me if I am ever becoming a monster of a MOB!</p>
<p>I would be sad and upset that my relationship with my kid had deteriorated to the point where they didn’t care enough to or didn’t feel they could tell me they were getting married, or to invite me to the wedding, even if it is a simple city hall ceremony or at the Elvis wedding chapel in Las Vegas. It would be a hard slap in the face IMO.</p>
<p>wow, i’m starting to feel really bad! My husband and I “eloped” as most people in this thread are defining it. We had been living together for five years, and there came a time when there were more reasons to be married than there were not to be married. So we drove over to the courthouse, got married, and had rings on our fingers the next time we saw my mom (which was a few days later). She was surprised, but not shocked.</p>
<p>Now, if I didn’t invite her to my daughters’ high school and/or college graduations, that would be a different story.</p>
<p>I would be very, very sad if our son didn’t want to have us at his wedding. If, for some reason, he had to marry at a time and place where we could not be there, I would at least like to know about it in advance.</p>
<p>As the parent of a son, I realize that I am extremely unlikely to have any influence on a wedding, but I certainly hope that he doesn’t marry a bridezilla with 250 first cousins who expects us to pay for half of her tacky extravaganza. I also hope that the service is not one of those highly-religious events where the celebrant a) assumes that everyone shares his religious beliefs, and b) makes it all about being a member of his religious group rather than about the marriage. I’ve been to some of those…it can be pretty offensive.</p>
<p>Consolation, my MIL always said that it was the mother of the groom’s job to wear beige and blend. I have one of each, but my daughter is much more likely to have the small wedding…or elope.</p>