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<p>Just veering back to the OP for a moment – D and I love this show, but I periodically remind her that it’s not representative of weddings, at least not the weddings of any circle I’ve ever run in. Not every wedding costs $50K, not every wedding dress looks like a jumped-up hooker outfit, and not every mother is determined to ruin her daughter’s shopping experience by insisting on her own vision.</p>
<p>“But what if they had a religious ceremony, just the two of them?”</p>
<p>Suzy100, I’m not sure if that would happen in our church. A wedding must be booked at least 6-12 months in advance because of the counseling that is required. I can’t imagine a couple going through that and then getting married without family.</p>
<p>I am having an “issue” with many posters’ definition of elope. To elope, in old Hollywood terms, the potential groom puts a ladder up to his fiancee’s bedroom window and the two of them steal off in the middle of the night to a justice of the peace sans family or the knowledge of the family. To elope CAN mean the lack of knowledge by the friends and family, but the two kids going to Italy to get married.</p>
<p>Eloping is about the exclusion of friends and family. It is about a coupe saying that they don’t want anyone there (for whatever reason) to witness the event. It isn’t about the cost. A WEDDING can be as simple or elaborate as the couple/family dictates. A WEDDING (with or without the family drama) includes guests, including family, all of whom are there (presumably) to celebrate with the couple…be it in a backyard or at a Four Seasons.</p>
<p>…I still stand by my original statement: I want to be there when all my children get married. I want to rejoice with them. I want to watch them as they move forward with their lives. I don’t care if they choose to marry in our home, in Hawaii, or a Four Seasons. I’m ready. (As is Mr. Ellebud)</p>
<p><a href=“I%20am%20willing%20to%20bet%20that%20S2%20and%20DH%20will%20be%20doing%20the%20catering,%20assuming%20we%20can%20find%20a%20venue%20that%20will%20allow%20it.”>quote</a>
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<p>I “catered” my own wedding, with some assistance from my sister. The venue was my parents’ house, where we had a tent on the lawn. We had about 50 attendees, all told.</p>
<p>Ellebud, I agree with what you say in #163. It is not necessary to exclude families and friends to have a small and simple wedding. Back in the late 40s, my parents were married in the priest’s office with just two or three family members in attendance, and then they went to my grandmother’s house for a nice dinner. That was a wedding, not an elopement. (My father was an only child and by then an orphan.)</p>
<p>I hope that I WILL be at the weddings of our kids. But if not, for any reason, I will still celebrate their new lives with them…and their future relationship with me will not be damaged. </p>
<p>I think far worse things can happen in life than kids eloping.</p>
<p>Consolation,
Oy, the amount of $$ that it would take to get our yard in shape for a wedding…we’re talking taking down multiple 60-ft. trees, serious regrading, putting in grass, etc. The backyard is an ivy-covered forest with no maintenance done in the past 14 years, as most folks here tend to let the backyard stay “naturalized.” I suggested to DH that having a wedding here would be a great reason to accomplish this task, but he didn’t bite. :(</p>
<p>There are some great public park venues near us (barn, gardens, etc.) but they require licensed caterers. </p>
<p>We had both guys’ Bar Mitzvah celebrations here at the house (and its a mid-60s split-level rabbit warren, so no large spaces) and survived. S2 and DH did the cooking for those. Yours Truly did the cleaning.</p>
<p>I would be totally fine with it. I am a tremendous planner but in honestly, my husband was the one who had all the vision of what he wanted in a wedding and I had none. </p>
<p>I would rather give the couple a chunk of money for a downpayment on a place to live and just have a nice restaurant meal with a close group of who ever.</p>
<p>what thumper said in 164. I said earlier that I’d be disappointed if my kids eloped, but reading this thread has made me realize that I’d be hurt, as well. It wouldn’t be pleasant, or easy. But if my adult kids chose to elope for whatever reason, I’d cry for a few hours and then get over it. I understand that other parents would feel very differently.</p>
<p>Cry for a few hours and then go out an buy a new car with the savings. Lol</p>
<p>I would be upset about an elopement but not if we were asked to be present for a small wedding ceremony. An elopement would mean that we were excluded from a very important moment in their life.</p>
<p>Not a chance. They both like watching the show so I’m sure they won’t forgo on the wedding dress part.</p>
<p>Too funny, DrGoogle.</p>
<p>H and I eloped to the court house with one of his clients, his secetary and our two then children, ages 22 months and 7 months., as witnesses. We then had a religious wedding several months later which we paid for ourselves. We told my MIL after the elopement but never told my parents as I didn’t feel it was any of their business. My 2 oldest tease their younger brothers about having been at the weddings without them.</p>
<p>H sings a song to the kids - “College scholarship, elope, college scholarship, elope.” DD has pretty much gotten through college on scholarship so we’ll see what happens on the elope part.</p>
<p>In all honesty, I have a lot better relationship with my kids than I did with my parents so I would hope they would tell me beforehand. </p>
<p>The one thing I have emphasized is that I don’t believe in marriage until you are done with your education and are self-supporting (H and I were in our 30’s and had known each 10 years when we married). In my state, if you marry while in school and earn a professional degree, your spouse may be able to claim a portion of your future earnings if you divorce. I have also emphasized to my oldest son, who is 21 and has been with his gf for 4 years, that he can’t marry unless he has a job with benefits because I won’t keep him on my health plan if he does. </p>
<p>I would not throw a big party for the two oldest because they had a Bar/Bat Mitzvah though I would contribute to something or host something small. My youngest boys opted out of them so I would be more inclined to do something for them but it would not be extravagant.</p>
<p>I also do not believe that I have any obligation to fund a wedding.</p>
<p>We eloped - married privately by a justice of the peace. The ceremony wasn’t a big deal for H or myself - families were in multiple states and frankly, didn’t have the interest/energy to put together something that would make everyone happy.</p>
<p>All family members were aware it was going to happen, and when. Still - some of them weren’t very happy, and even today one of them is still mad about it! </p>
<p>So we made ourselves happy by going and getting married by ourselves. Both of us had been in big/small weddings, and some that were practically divorced before the couples had even unwrapped all their gifts. Had a big party several months later. </p>
<p>If I had to do it all over again, I would still elope and we have been married 20+ years. Just someplace nicer, and maybe tropical. 
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<p>We have three kiddos, and it would probably be sad if not a part of the celebration. I would be willing to bet amongst the three of them, 2 of them will opt for small weddings/eloping - the other might go a little bigger and more traditional. </p>
<p>I just want my kids to find the right partner before they say I do.</p>
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<p>It could also work out OK if she had the health plan. One of the advantages of marriage is that only one of the two people needs to have a job that provides health insurance as a benefit.</p>
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To me the whole idea of a marriage ceremony is pointless when the couple already have kids together. By that time it should be just a matter of getting legal and moving on which it sounds as if you did. It’s not really eloping since the life together has already begun and progressed quite far albeit without the official marriage.</p>
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You didn’t elope - you got married without having family members attend - it’s not the same thing.</p>
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<p>I’m baffled that we’re continuing to equate small weddings and elopements. </p>
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<p>Eloping does NOT mean a small wedding, a far-away wedding, or a wedding without family present. It means a SECRET wedding.</p>
<p>I am fascinated and surprised that I got blowback on what the definition of an elopement is. </p>
<p>I would post a few links, but that would be a TOS violation. </p>
<p>There are wedding planning websites that actually discuss small weddings (under 14 people) as an elopement. Perhaps they mean destination weddings - ie, Hawaii, Vegas, etc. </p>
<p>In terms of the definition of elopement, the definition has changed. It’s not just running off with a lover to get married without families consent, anymore. Definitions change over time, and this word is no exception. If you were to ask any of the friends in my peer group, they defined going to get married without family in attendance as eloping. (Some of them were secretly jealous, mired in wedding plans with their significant others and causing large family fights over the planning, too!) </p>
<p>Wiki:</p>
<p>“Today the term “elopement” is colloquially used for any marriage performed in haste or in private or without a public period of engagement. Some couples elope because they dislike or cannot afford an expensive wedding ceremony, or wish to avoid objections from parents.”</p>
<p>(Also - in my original post, I wasn’t comparing the two - small weddings and elopements - as being equivalent. I simply said that I can see those two kids having one or the other. That’s all.)</p>
<p>wiki schmiki–real dictionaries still define “elope” as to run away secretly to get married, usually without parental consent. I may be a purist, but I don’t think misuse of a word is the same as a changing meaning.</p>
<p>How many of you who “would be heartbroken” if your kid eloped are also people who have enjoined others to “love the kid on the couch”?</p>