<p>I’m the Tom boy type of girl… I throw a mean spiral, can beat the guys in poker, have no problem building a computer or putting up a wall when doing construction, etc.</p>
<p>I hung out with boys at that age… older ones too… I Remember during seventh and eighth grade we all went to the movies every Saturday night. The guys we were hanging out with were between 16 and 19. I always looked really young for my age, so it probably looked like they were hanging out with their little sister. </p>
<p>That being said, my parents knew each and every one of them. I don’t think they would have let me hang out with kids they hadn’t met.</p>
<p>I would make sure that both boys AND girls are supervised at that age and not just assume that boys behave worse than girls do at that age. That was certainly not my experience about children at that age. .</p>
<p>As a mom of 3 boys I have to agree with 3bm103. It’s not just the boys who can be sexually aggressive. I’ve met some girls over the years that I wouldn’t trust alone around my sons. Both boys and girls should be supervised.</p>
<p>Yep, as a guy, I would say it never crossed my mind to really try anything because I always knew an adult was around. I do not remember unsupervised anything until about age 16. </p>
<p>OP, I also agree with having them to your house first. One note though: be gracious when the parents of some of the boys call to interrogate you!</p>
<p>Good point Hunt, as girls are generally more physically mature at 13-14, some of them may be taking the lead with the boys.
I was happy to pretend that my girls were mainly interested in ponies at that age.</p>
<p>I had a free hand in visiting junior high and high school friend homes without my parents knowing most/any of them nor their parents knowing either. </p>
<p>Part of this was I attended junior high/high school outside my neighborhood area so it would be hard for parents to engage in such micromanagement…especially considering many of us were commuting half hour or more on the bus/subway from all 5 boroughs of NYC. Also, by 13 I was an old hand at getting around NYC by bus/subway on my own. </p>
<p>As a result, the idea of being supervised to the extent many CC parents here are suggesting is completely alien to my own experiences as a 13 year old. </p>
<p>It would have seriously irked me at 16*, especially considering I started my freshman year in college just a year later. </p>
<ul>
<li>In the same way a 20-30+ adult, especially one who is independent-minded would feel irked if another adult started treating them that way.<br></li>
</ul>
<p>Based on my experience, as I said earlier, if there is something going on at that age it is overwhelmingly likely to have been initiated by the girl(s). I think that was true when I was 13, too – we boys talked a lot, but we didn’t actually initiate anything. If a girl wanted to be touched or kissed, she had to make that happen. (Of course, I didn’t see it that way at the time. But that’s how it really was.) I think the difference now (if any) is that 13 year-old girls know more about sex, and therefore have more specific things to be curious about. Also – and this is a big change – when girls are in groups, the group is as likely to incite sexual behavior as to suppress it.</p>
<p>@cobrat What I am talking about is the situation raised by the OP. </p>
<p>We went to the movies, rode bikes, walked home from school and did many things without parents.But, if we all gathered at a house in the basement for an extended period of time, a parent was always home. By supervised, I mean around, not hovering. Many times, the parent would go run an errand, but they were coming back in 20 -30 minutes.</p>
<p>We all dated and had girlfriends and (can I say this?) made out with girlfriends; basic normal stuff. What we did not do was what the OP described without some parent around in some way.</p>
<p>I also started college at 17 and that parent around thing had no adverse affect on me when I was on my own.</p>
<p>It’s not that we think all boys are rapists. But rather that we know that something like 1:4-1:6 women will be raped during their lifetime–mostly under probably 25 and the vast majority by someone they know. </p>
<p>So, teach your children well. Teach both boys and girls to be careful, both of being victims and of boundaries/possiblity of being accused when they enter into grey areas including those involving booze. Teach them to be independant and stong. And then keep your parental eye on them anyway. </p>
<p>Yes, when booze and/or drugs are involved, the odds of misadventures rise dramatically. We can and need to teach well, so that they can have less trauma in their lives and they can minimize their risk of being victims WITHOUT being paranoid.</p>
<p>honestly, i think yo’ud have more to worry about when she’s 15 or 16 visiting people you don’t know then at 13… but maybe that’s cause I’m thinking of when I was a kid!</p>
<p>I think we all have to know our kids and their judgment. We have always trusted the good judgment of our kids and have never been disappointed, thankfully. My kids were fairly cautious socially all their lives and still tend to avoid risky or questionable situations. Has saved us many sleepless nights. :)</p>
<p>1 in 6 will experience attempted or completed sexual assault. The majority occur in late high school/early college. Yes, the vast majority will be someone they know. The vast, vast majority of male assailants are over 18. </p>
<p>I know the risks more than most. I have been a survivor since middle school (if anyone remembers, I shared my story in-depth on the Sandusky thread… no, I don’t expect anyone to remember lol). I just don’t think raising children to be fearful of these situations is the right way to go. There are definitely situations that should be avoided- I just don’t think a minecraft party with a bunch of 13 year olds is one of them. </p>
<p>I haven’t been keeping up on this thread so I’m not sure what the OP decided (if he/she ever stated). I wish him/her and the D well </p>
<p>How is it not really destructive to tell our daughters, or even to think of telling our daughters, “No, you can’t go play Minecraft with the boys where, when, and how they actually play it, because you are a girl, and that dominates every other quality and interest you have”?</p>
<p>The question can’t be, “Should I let my daughter play with the boys?” The question has to be – and I give credit to most of the people on this thread for saying very similar things – “How can I arrange it so my daughter can play with the boys if she wants?”</p>
<p>I only have sons. And they spent a lot of time with role playing games and magic. My sons, at 13, would not have been allowed to go to the home of people I didn’t know for a gaming session. It was not because I was particularly worried about 13 year old boys preying on others, rather the opposite. It was because I didn’t know if the house was secure or supervised. I wasn’t real comfortable quizzing parents about possible unsecured guns. I didn’t want to ask about unsecured drugs. I didn’t want to ask if any adults in the household were sex offenders. None of that really seemed my business. When they went to gaming sessions at comic book stores/gaming stores I waited in the car outside… after walking around inside a bit and telling them (and their buddies) within the hearing of most in the store, I’d be outside in the car if they needed anything. At 13 my sons were still rather clueless about what was going on around them. I was pretty worried they might get hit crossing the street. I am sure the kids of many other posters could take care of themselves at that age. Mine could not.</p>
<p>I moved the party to my house and that worked just fine. No one was competing for that particular party. All the other parents were happy not to have to do it. It also had an unanticipated added advantage. I think at 13 my sons and their friends would still do chores for imaginary tools, weapons, spells, and treasure - all of which I would judiciously hand out before gaming sessions. I took orders from the moms of the other kids for chores at their homes. </p>
<p>The more I think about it, the more advantages I can see for the OP to host the party. It allows her daughter to control the game to some extent.</p>
<p>By the time they were 15 my sons had enough common sense to do their best to avoid risky situations. They would tell me to forbid them going to a particular party. They never liked to say why and I didn’t press after some of their acquaintances were arrested for minor vandalism after a party that looked perfectly fine to me and held in the home of parents I trusted. I got the reputation for being a really strict mom. If the OP had asked about a 15 year old instead of a 13 year old, my response might be different.</p>
<p>Of course, the 16 year old son of our best friends, who raised their kids exactly as we raised ours, had to be kidnapped out of his bed and taken to a wilderness, detox experience for a year to keep him alive and out of prison. (today he is just fine so it all worked out okay) Parenting is definitely not one size fits all. My husband and I were just lucky. Our parenting goal was to keep our kids safe until we were able to teach them the skills to keep themselves safe. I don’t personally think most 13 year olds yet have those skills. Young girls, especially it seems to me, get beyond their ability to protect themselves rather quickly. Sometimes they present as much older and more sophisticated than they really are.</p>
<p>Finally JHS mentioned no orgies at his house as far as he knew and I have been wondering if tempemom played the same basement game at 13 as we did: turn off all the lights so it was pitch black and take off as many clothes as you want and lie down in the middle of the room all together… 1969 was a really great time to be 13.</p>
<p>Wow. I was 13 in 1969, too, and I never did anything like that basement game. As I said, 13-year-old girls are way more dangerous than 13-year-old boys. Then as now.</p>
<p>The house where my kids were 13 doesn’t have a basement, so there’s that. On the other hand, it rarely had a parent home before 7:30 pm on weeknights. We did have a sitter with the kids every afternoon when my older child was 13, but by the time the younger one reached that age we had stopped doing that. (The sitter was not the sharpest tool in the shed. If there were a crisis, we were counting on our children to keep the sitter safe.) Of course, we would have done things differently if we had different children, and we thanked heaven every day for our luck. I agree 100% with alh about that.</p>
<p>I have two daughters, 10 and 15. I also have 2 sons, 13 and 17. No way would I let my 13 year old daughter go hang out with a bunch of 13 year old boys. The ‘nerds’ are the smart kids. If anyone is going to figure out how to do something they shouldn’t and get away with it, it is them. Fine for them to play Minecraft online (provided you are supervising that). Even ‘good’ kids get curious and it is hard to put the genie back in the proverbial bottle.</p>
</p>
JHS mentioned no orgies at his house as far as he knew and I have been wondering if tempemom played the same basement game at 13 as we did: turn off all the lights so it was pitch black and take off as many clothes as you want and lie down in the middle of the room all together… 1969 was a really great time to be 13.</p>