<p>Gonna toss this out there - married children are considered automatically independent for financial aid purposes. So you actually should not be paying for college once she (if she) gets married. They’d be eligible for a decent amount of financial aid. I would look forward to saving that $$ for the other two and consider yourself off the hook. (Likely she doesn’t know that?) as for the wedding, you’re under no obligation to give anything. But I would, I’d pick an amount somewhere between about $2500 and $5k and that would be it. Never had a wedding in my fam that cost that much either it’s usually a church basement reception and a reasonable priced dress and a small cake plus potluck. ;)</p>
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<p>Um. That’s not true. Not at all.
Independent means only her and her spouse’s income is used. With those numbers, she’s not going to be eligible for Pell most likely which is the only “guaranteed” aid.</p>
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<p>Zoosermom,</p>
<p>That would be valid assuming OP raised his/her children to have the impression they will be treated equally. </p>
<p>I don’t get the impression he/she raised his/her children in that manner considering OP’s comments like this:</p>
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<p>In short, this shows OP doesn’t believe in treating his/her children with equality as some have called for in the name of perceived fairness. </p>
<p>Whether this is right or wrong is an entirely separate discussion.</p>
<p>Meh. She’ll be fine. She’s married and it will be calculated differently, based on her and her husbands not so generous assets as opposed to her parents likely much more generous assets. And you’re presuming that she’d be eligible for pell anyway. Like it or not I’m done paying for school when you marry.</p>
<p>She’s not going to get much/any aid if she returns to college after she marries. She’s not likely going to go to a school that gives much/any aid. She’s beyond Pell and once you’re beyond Pell, most schools give you nothing.</p>
<p>I’m presuming no such thing, cm. </p>
<p>I’m an independent student. I know the formula. She’s not going to be eligible for aid just because she’s married. Schools that are super generous with aid are still going to expect mom and dad’s finances. Most schools don’t give much, if any, aid beyond Pell (which she won’t be eligible for).</p>
<p>YOU being done with paying for school has no bearing on what kind of FA your child receives…</p>
<p>@Cobrat, once you are a adult its’ all merit based, but the little ones they all get the same thing. $300 budget for bdays, $300 worth of stuff for Christmas, and then there is report card grades. We give $10 for a A, $5 for a B, and for all A’s $100 nothing for C’s and D’s. In fact a D means you are grounded and a C is mandatory tutoring. We had that once in math a few yeas ago.</p>
<p>The oldest had it easy in comparison and no one to be compared too her problems she found on her own once at college. </p>
<p>When college starts it will be the same for the rest of them I pay for school as long as you maintain a certain gpa grace will be shown for a mess up, but drop out, become a druggy, spend thousands of dollars on habits, rehabs, lie, etc etc yes you will be treated differently financially.</p>
<p>As I thought - they would do fine (plugged in some numbers to one of the colleges NPC as if it were my daughter in the situation and said that both of them would be attending school. It’s more loans but hey. They are married. It’s different if you are married and dad is off the hook for college. It’s also a different mindset when you are paying for your own college as an independent student. I got my best grades ever.</p>
<p>It is calculated differently for married and independent students and I know because I was also older with a kid. Student and spouse assets only. I just did it.</p>
<p>Federal government says you are done when your child marries.</p>
<p>They don’t have a kid. That’s a completely different scenario. </p>
<p>Don’t compare apples to oranges.</p>
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<p>Which does NOT mean they’re eligible for aid. It means that it’s on THEM. </p>
<p>Once again, apples to oranges.</p>
<p>And not sure I want pell to go to a married couple as a taxpayer anyway.</p>
<p>They are eligible for school aid and possibly for federal aid including pell grant strictly based on their own income and not the income of either students parent. Marry, have a child or join the military makes the student automatically independent of their parents for financial aid purposes.</p>
<p>“If so, then for federal student aid purposes, youre considered to be an independent student and will not provide information about your parents on the FAFSA.”</p>
<p>OP, I don’t care about the wedding money-I don’t think it’s a requirement that parents pay for ANY of a wedding no matter how the parents feel about the fiance. I never said you should.</p>
<p>What I don’t understand is why you have apparently decided to shortchange your oldest and be less communicative with her for the rest of her life because she took a wrong turn. I can’t help but wonder if she is so drawn to this young man BECAUSE her parents treat her as “less than” because she screwed up. How long are you going to punish her? At what point (if ever) will you care as much about her before she got involved with drugs? </p>
<p>It’s kind of sickening to know that your support of your kids is “merit based”. Even if your D didn’t show it, she loved you just as much when she was using as she does now that she’s clean. The church I work for naturally at times has to deal with members seeking help for addiction. The most successful are those with family who stand by them, not who punish them forever.</p>
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<p>And that is your right. While I’m personally inclined to lean more your way, the other posters here also have a valid point on asking whether you want to burn your bridges…possibly permanently with your D and possible future offspring over this issue. Only you and your spouse can ultimately weigh the cost-benefit factors for yourselves. </p>
<p>I also feel the issue of your D’s prior behaviors isn’t even the most relevant or important here. </p>
<p>Instead, the main focus needs to be on how the fiance here has manifestly demonstrated he’s not even ready to be an adult, much less have his act sufficiently together to be a good marriage partner to your D. </p>
<p>That alone is sufficient grounds to be concerned about how this relationship/marriage could end up for your D and family. </p>
<p>Differences in maturity and levels of financial responsibility are key reasons for poor relationships and even divorce.</p>
<p>I don’t believe that the OP doesn’t love his daughter. He has said that the relationship is still intact (infrequent contact but normal adult parent/child relationship. She is an adult and made the choice to leave school. He is within his rights to be done with the school and sounds like it would be fine with her. She should go back to school on her own dime and using her own resources since she will be married and therefore an adult. He is also within his rights to pay whatever he wants for the wedding and to pay more for the other children based on behavior - it’s a damn good plan to say if you finish school then yeah you get more benefits. Makes total sense to me. The ship has sailed anyway and he doesn’t owe the oldest another red cent. It’s a good carrot IMO.</p>
<p>I give the marriage 3 years tops and will pray for no children…</p>
<p>I haven’t read the whole thread, just the first post, but it is NOT your responsibility. If you offer to pay for anything, that’d be generous.</p>
<p>OP- a little tip- stop paying the younger kids for grades. You may not believe me, but you will be avoiding a BOATLOAD of trouble if you inculcate in them the desire to do well academically for its own sake, rather than for the cash.</p>
<p>I am now starting to get a better handle on the family dynamic, and can see things from your D’s perspective. I think you and your spouse may very well decide to “splurge” on a few sessions with a family therapist- and you may find it pays dividends not just for this problematic relationship (your D and her fiancee) but heads off a lot of issues with the younger kids as well.</p>
<p>Simply put- you may THINK you can incent your kids towards the kind of behaviors you want with money (good grades, marrying the right guy after an appropriately long courtship, according to you; finishing college, etc.) until you discover that you can’t. And then- you are “selling from an empty wagon”. As this D has proven to you- you can try to manipulate her into dropping the BF (hasn’t happened) or try to get her to wait to marry him by withdrawing your financial support, or tell her that you’ll pay for 500 guests at the Plaza hotel with a 20 piece band if she marries him after she gets her BA.</p>
<p>So maybe hash out a couple of issues with a good therapist, and then see if you’ve got new perspective on this wedding business. I certainly have new perspective now vs. your first few threads based on the information you are slowly doling out to us.</p>
<p>Garland, apologies if I’ve offended you or been argumentative. We don’t always agree- but I always admire the principled way you live your life and the FINE job you’ve done raising your kids!!! Namaste.</p>