<p>It’s actually pretty interesting to consider The Proposal in terms of discussions of how women confront the challenges of the work/life balance. It was apparently directed by a woman, which makes the truly terrible nature of the movie all the more disappointing.</p>
<p>It has aways just made sense to me that, if you have to choose a time to be more available to your kids, it would not be when they are infants. I had a very capable baby sitter after I went back to work when my D was 2 months old. There are great pre-schools in the area and she loved going there. Both the private school and the public school she attended had great after care programs. They did their homework and spent a lot of time playing outside - both free play and organized games. She loved it and was often disappointed when I left work early and picked her up right after school. I moved my business home when she was in 4th grade and was home after school from then on. Just from observing other family dynamics, that seemed to me to be a crucial time to really be there for “guidance.” I saw a lot of kids lose their way during those middle school years.</p>
<p>Gotta say I love MOWC’s candor. Her kids are extremely successful, yes, even by the inflated CC standards, and she can hold her own in all kinds of one-upmanship competitions (with her own and her kids’ accomplishments), but I have learned the most from her honest depictions of less than stellar moments, and certainly every family, no matter how great has those as well.</p>
<p>In fact, to me it is an indication on how successful her parenting was/is that she can be so open about the challenges.</p>
<p>Private school, public school, SAHMs, working outside of the home moms, SAHDads, homeschoolers, boarding school, lots of activities and/or sports, lots of free time, unschoolers etc. etc. none and all can be recipes for success. The older I get the more I think it all comes down to dumb luck when it comes to raising kids ;)</p>
<p>Our next door neighbors have four children: two are MDs, one is a veterinarian with a Ph. D. And one is a teacher with a master’s degree. I asked the mom one time what her secret was. Her answer: Luck. </p>
<p>As the years go by, funny little stories come out about their kids. It gives me hope.</p>
<p>CJane- thank you! I try to share my experiences to help others. You weren’t on CC the year my son ran away from his Ivy League college to go live in the Utah wilderness! Loads of fun!</p>
<p>Definitely a lot of luck involved in parenting, and temperament plays a big role, too (yours and the kids’).</p>
<p>^ I lurked for years before joining and have read lots of old threads, so I actually was aware of some of WildChild’s antics and take great solace in knowing how well it all turned out for him in the end ;)</p>
<p>Give me a break. Several people jumping on some opinions given by one person, seems like an overreaction to pretty much nothing at all. </p>
<p>"The parents with the most successful kids are always the most modest parents, the ones who do not volunteer their kids exploits and are a little uncomfortable when you find out about them and congratulate them.</p>
<p>Finally, I encourage you to apply yourself to developing some understanding of what constitutes a good film before you offer up your endorsements of truly tasteless, witless and generally terrible works such at The Proposal! Sure, sure. Everyone likes what they like, etc. But your love for that film just puts all your posts in a great deal of question!"</p>
<p>Now these quotes constitute nonsensical, judgmental generalizations. Just something about reading the mean girl stuff when it shows up on cc always disturbs me.</p>
<p>Interesting to read this thread since we have wandered off on the SAHM vs. Outside the home career mom situations. Most of the available research shows that the most important thing isn’t whether or not the mother works inside or outside the home, only that the mother is “happy” with her choice. Happier mothers are the better option, regardless of how they spend their working hours. (I love how they research this as if most people even have a choice, anymore, but there you have it.)</p>
<p>Interestingly, no research has been done on this issue in regards to SAHD’s vs. outside the home career dad situations. </p>
<p>Why do we, as women, always want to criticize each other’s choices?</p>
<p>There is an awesome essay on this by Bertnand Russel - philosophist. ‘In Praise of Idleness’. Pretty much entails what I define as work and whether I would want to skip it or not.</p>
<p>I believe a lot of it is luck too - or something akin to luck. Both of my parents worked. My Dad was a farmer and was around on the farm when I got home from school but I never really knew where he was. My mom worked a 9-5 and sometimes went back to work in the evenings. I had great babysitters who knew the value of a little benign neglect. I recall being chastised when I went back to work when my D was 2 months old. At that point, she was crying 24/7. Had I not gone back to work, she might not be here and I might be in jail.</p>
<p>^The same here, kid did not sleep until she was 3 y o. I just used to sleeping 3 - 5 hrs /day. I did not want both of us to go thru trouble, so I let my H. sleep. Actually it is both plus and minus currently. Tehy say, it is not good for your health, I say, I have so much more time. But again, I have to fill it, that is where my problem is if i am not working, got to fill more hours with various activities. Thank goodness, they I have a job, but for how long until they kick me out…I do not know, I am very close to retirement age but so are many in my department with some of us actually being older,…so there is a hope.</p>
<p>D1 cried constantly for the first two years of her life. I thought I was going to go completely insane, and I definitely didn’t want any more children. That’s why D2 is 4 years younger. It took that long for DH to convince me to give it another try.</p>
<p>milkandsugar- I don’t see condescension until your post, actually.</p>
<p>I certainly don’t have an issue with anyone’s choice to work or not. In many cases it’s not even a choice, really! I just think it is silly to claim that because a choice worked for YOU that it makes it the foolproof way to go, as one poster insists in thread after thread.</p>
<p>I think it is possible to have a demanding career and still raise delightful children. It is also possible to have a demanding career and raise kids who are out selling drugs and stealing cars while the parents think they are at soccer practice. You might be a SAHM or SAHD and go to every school activity and find yourself at the police station when your kid is 17. You just don’t know. </p>
<p>When my kids and those of my friends were all in 3 year old pre-school and we were all sure every one of them was destined for greatness since we had gotten them into “THE” pre-school and they were obviously so cute and smart…there was one Mom who worked at a large, affluent public high school dealing with “at risk” teens. Most of the other Moms were non-working- at least at that point. While we were all talking about our aspirations for our wonderful, gifted kids, this woman said, “If my daughters get out of high school without getting pregnant or being addicted to drugs, I will be happy.” We were all shocked! However, we did not have the perspective that she had. We learned over the years how things can change. You just don’t know.</p>
<p>Another great post, MOWC. I think of my SIL and her husband, who could not have been more loving, devoted parents. They worked split schedules so that one of them was almost always home with their two sons - one of whom is that delightful child we all think we have, and one of whom has had substance abuse issues since he was 15 years old, multiple arrests for possession, can’t hold a job, muffed his second chance to graduate from college, etc. They did nothing to cause his situation, yet they must live with the fact of his addiction every day. Life is rarely fair.</p>
<p>We can beat ourselves up all we want, or pat ourselves on the back all we want, for the way our kids have turned out. It would behoove all of us to remember, though, that there but for the grace of God …</p>
<p>The other thing, too, is what we all know all too well from being the age that we are. The kid might make it to adulthood without any issues, but who even knows what will happen over time. I hate to tempt fate, myself. I’m grateful so far, so good. (not perfect, by any means, but good enough.) But, we’re rounding up on our thirtieth high school reunion, and if FB has taught me one thing, it’s whoever we were at 18 or 22 has so little to do with who we have become as to be almost irrelevent.</p>
<p>I just plan for the worst and hope for the best. ;)</p>