<p>In that situation, I’d tell my child that I love him or her, but still want them to find someone with whom to share their life. And that I really hope they will give me grandchildren.</p>
<p>The gayest city in the US is actually Atlanta…</p>
<p>I’d like to think that my enlightened self would be fine with it. And I would be. But. I think anytime your kids go down a road that you’re not familiar with, that it can make you worry because you don’t have your experiences to help you make sense of their situations and decisions. And I’d worry that their life would be harder because of discrimination. And I’d worry about the grandparent reactions. I wouldn’t have the “what about grandchildren” reaction though; my mind doesn’t have that high on my list of upcoming events 
And I’d worry that I’d inadvertently say something negative or uncomfortable. But I love my girls so much that I can’t imagine saying much beyond “Thanks for letting us know. You are my baby and I love you. What do you need from us?”</p>
<p>Having said that D1 has a friend from preschool that we’ve known was gay since back then. A lot of stereotypical reasons, but I would have been shocked if he was straight. And nobody blinked an eye when he came out. Another friend of D1 had a very different reaction from his dad when he came out and it’s been painful to see from a distance. So we’ve certainly discussed orientation openly in my house & I’d like to think my kids would feel comfortable sharing that with us if need be.</p>
<p>“The gayest city in the US is actually Atlanta…”</p>
<p>Really? For some reason I thought it was SF, Seattle, then Denver. Maybe I’m thinking of which cities were gay-friendly, as opposed to numbers. Or maybe I was thinking about best linguine. Or best views.</p>
<p>This one’s easy. You love your kids as they are - and that includes their sexual orientation. </p>
<p>I only have daughters - both straight and traditional - but certainly respectful of the gay people in their lives. There is no other right answer in my book, and in theirs too. </p>
<p>I come from the school that boys in particularly need to be mentally tough and stand on their own two feet. They don’t mature as well otherwise - society all too often lets them off the hook. But sexual orientation has nothing to do with that notion. Gay or straight, the expectations are the same. </p>
<p>I would be insistent on leading a safe lifestyle. But again, that applies irregardless of sexual orientation. </p>
<p>Given the role that humility plays in the Christian faith - and as a non-Christian I do admire that element of the faith, I am continually astounded as to why gay people are not wholesale accepted in the modern day Christian faith (I recognize some sects do). And I am mystified why it becomes a political issue too -at the end of the day - justifying discrimination against gay people in one form or another makes one look and appear small, irrespective of the logical or abstract arguments at hand. We would be much better to cease to discriminate and move past the issues.</p>
<p>I’m with VeryHappy and PoetGirl. I would continue to love and support either one of my daughters. To me, it’s just no big deal. </p>
<p>Over 30 years ago my cousin called her mom with ecstatic news. She had met someone special! But, her mother didn’t expect her to say another girl. Well, let’s just say that my aunt and her daughter were in for several years of pain, anger and denial. Counseling helped get them through it, however, it was very hard on both of them a good while. But, thank goodness things were resolved. I swore I would never do this if any of my own children told me they were gay. </p>
<p>Fast forward several years after my cousin came out. We got a call from my brother, who was in his late 30s. He was HIV+. He had been married to a woman for 10 years, even adopting her little girl. But, he apparently enjoyed the company of men, as well. Actually, looking back at his childhood and later some of his actions as a teen, I can see where he was gay all along. Just little tell tale signs that no one really thought much about back in the '50s and '60s. But, maybe he was in denial or just felt that he needed to “act straight” to live a “normal” life. Perhaps he truly was bi-sexual, although I question if there really is such a thing. I’m not sure. Either way, our family didn’t bat an eye when he revealed he was gay. However, we were very saddened to hear he had AIDS. He died just days after his 41st birthday.</p>
<p>^^^^</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved brother. </p>
<hr>
<p>Of course you love your kids no matter what…</p>
<p>Slight change in the question…</p>
<p>What if your child told you that he/she was bi-sexual. (Of course, the unconditional love is still there, that’s not the question). </p>
<p>If your bi-sexual child asked you what he/she should do with their life, what would you say? If your child wanted to seek a married life, would/should you advise anything about that? (Such as…If you decide to marry, then you can’t act out your bi-sexuality. Or what???)</p>
<p>Right, “if you decide to marry you can’t act out your bi-sexuality.” Similarly, if a straight hetero male decides to marry a straight hetero female, as a married man, he can’t act upon (“express”) his natural inclination to bed multiple female partners. That’s why they pay the clergy the big bucks, to beam out all that expectation!</p>
<p>So, I think I’d advise a currently bi-sexual child similarly to any other child: Don’t marry unless and until you are prepared to be faithful to one other human being. By the time you know that, you’ll also have in front of you an actual human being, who might be male or female.</p>
<p>But that’s my concept of “marriage” there. Others are functioning with quite different ideas about open marriage, but they don’t make sense to me so I can’t advise on them. I’ve only seen them cause heartache in the long run, actually.</p>
<p>When people marry, they make limiting choices, from geography to career to sexuality. Giving up on envisioning a life of multiple or close-sequential partners seems like one to put on the list. Until then…the world is your oyster.</p>
<p>Right, “if you decide to marry you can’t act out your bi-sexuality.” Similarly, if a straight hetero male decides to marry a straight hetero female, as a married man, he can’t act upon (“express”) his natural inclination to bed multiple female partners. That’s why they pay the clergy the big bucks, to beam out all that expectation!</p>
<p>LOL…</p>
<p>That’s what I thought I would say if I were ever asked that question (by a child, friend, whomever). But, I just didn’t know if that was a “good answer” or not. It makes sense to me (especially when using the analogy of expecting a hetero man to give up his inclinations to bed multiple girls). </p>
<p>I don’t know enough about bi-sexuality. I don’t know if it’s really homosexuality with a desire to have the so-called more socially acceptable hetero aspect as well or what. I just don’t know enough about it.</p>
<p>Maybe some who know more about bi-sexuality could shed some light on this for me. I’m a bit clueless about it. </p>
<p>For instance, would it be more likely for a bi-sexual person who is in an exclusive relationship with a same-sex person, to be able to remain faithful (not cheat with a person of the opposite sex) than if he/she were in an exclusive relationship with a person of the opposite sex (and cheat with a person of the same sex)? Or would the instance of cheating be the same either way…and the same as when both are gay or when both are hetero. </p>
<p>I know I didn’t word this very clearly. I apologize.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids - While I am not an expert in human sexuality, I am a trained facilitator for comprehensive sexuality education classes for teens. My understanding is that you can think of sexual orientation as a spectrum, with hetero on one side, and homo on the other side. Bi’s fall somewhere in the middle. </p>
<p>Sexual orientation not only includes who you actually have sex with, but also who you are attracted to, what kind of erotic material arouses you, how you fantasize, the sexual role you play, etc. So, it IS possible for a bi to be in a monogamous relationship and still “act out” their bi-sexuality in ways that do not involve cheating on their partner. (This would also depend on a couple’s definition of cheating - in some relationships, that could using include using erotica or porn, for example.)</p>
<p>Probably TMI, but you asked.</p>
<p>mom2-I’m bisexual and willing to discuss anything you’d like in a PM…but just to hit a few points</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s just homosexuality with a “desire to have the so-called more socially acceptable hetero aspect as well”. I am truly attracted to both boys and girls. Not ALL boys and ALL girls mind you, but I do not base my attractions off of gender…That being said, I have always pictured myself getting married someday to a man…whether that will happen or not, I have no clue :D… I don’t think you can generalize bisexuality. Some people can go back and forth, some may date mostly one gender, and others may be exclusive to one gender and still consider themselves bisexuals. Actionsdo not dictate whether or not you are bisexual, only attraction does</p>
<p>You’d be surprised at the number of people who are bisexual and just aren’t open about it, or maybe just don’t even know it !</p>
<p>I have NEVER cheated on anyone(granted, I didn’t date alot in high school). I think cheaters are cheaters no matter what their orientation. I know some straight girls/guys who can’t be faithful to save their life and have some gay friends who are the most faithful people I know. I don’t think it’s fair or accurate to generalize such things based on sexual identity</p>
<p>I think it’s absolutely wonderful that there are so many parents who would have no problem with their children announcing that they are gay. But I also believe that those who would, are not about to post here. Either because they are embarassed to admit to it, or because they are afraid of the backlash. But I guarantee that the reaction here is not the norm.</p>
<p>I have a close neighbor who is going through this right now. Her son who is a sophomore in high school told her about a year ago that he was gay. She shared with me because she knew that I would be supportive. But she has only shared with a couple of her own family members and for good reason. Even if some of them would be outwardly supportive, they may or may not treat her son the same ever again. There are others who have made their feelings on the subject well known and even if they shut their mouths from now on, they can’t take back what they’ve said in the past so there will always be discomfort being around them.</p>
<p>Then there are the ones that would just be hard to live with. Some they don’t much care about, but others that are close family members and it will be very sad.</p>
<p>There’s also the whole new bunch of problems that the issue raised. My neighbor was all prepared to discuss safe sex, safe dating, etc with her son until this issue came up. Now the whole conversation is a new one. Not that she’s not dealing with it, but it is a little harder because she wasn’t prepared for it.</p>
<p>So…when her gay son is invited to a sleepover, can he go? Would she allow her 16 yr old daughter to spend the night at a guy’s house, even if it were a platonic friend? Probably not. So what do you do with friends of the same sex when one or more is gay? The lines of communication are going to have broaden in this family. And quickly.</p>
<p>"Right, “if you decide to marry you can’t act out your bi-sexuality.” Similarly, if a straight hetero male decides to marry a straight hetero female, as a married man, he can’t act upon (“express”) his natural inclination to bed multiple female partners. That’s why they pay the clergy the big bucks, to beam out all that expectation!</p>
<p>So, I think I’d advise a currently bi-sexual child similarly to any other child: Don’t marry unless and until you are prepared to be faithful to one other human being. By the time you know that, you’ll also have in front of you an actual human being, who might be male or female.'</p>
<p>I know at least one bisexual woman who is in a longterm marriage who is in a lesbian relationship with a woman who has been in a longterm live in lesbian relationship. All of the people involved know what’s going on, are friends, and are fine with it. In fact, I heard about it from her long term lesbian partner, who said, “In case you don’t know…”</p>
<p>So… different things can work for different people. I think such relationships can work if the relationships are out in the open and all of the people involved are OK with what’s going on.</p>
<p>Personally, I’m fine without knowing the intimate details of who lives with whom and who is sleeping with whom. I am happy when the people I care about have relationships they cherish that are mutually gratifying. Only rarely does any sexual orientation come up in my world & mostly it’s just incidental and doesn’t seem to cause much strife. I do ask and care about the significant people in the lives of people I care about, whatever their gender or orientation, whether it’s a parent, child, sib, significant other, lover, or whatever else. </p>
<p>It is always tough when our kids are heading toward uncharted waters we know nothing about–whether it’s a different religion, sexual orientation, geographic location, specialty, etc. We want so much to help guide and understand them, but ultimately, our unconditional love & acceptance is one of the best gifts.</p>
<p>RE: #132
3bm103 - I hope your neighbor will give her family a chance to accept their son. Most people are raised with the built-in prejudices of their parents and era. Sometimes when we actually KNOW someone we have already had a relationship with is gay, we have a better understanding that our biases (which are mostly based on ignorance) are without cause. We tend to be afraid of what we don’t understand.</p>
<p>i have a very close feiwnd who is very christian. and she believes being gay is wrong. She did nto want her D to be around a woman who was gay thinking it might influence her. I could not see her family accepting a gay child. and she is a lovely woman.
Interestingly enough, I have completed a course of chemo and my hair is growing back, but I do not like to go without my scarf and part of the reason is my hair is so short, that I feel I look gay or masculine although I am a smallish woman. I laugh and say (going back to the mullet) if I was going to be gay I would be a lipstick lesbian. I think for me its just altered self image thing, because I have many gay friends. I also refused to sign a petition against gay marriage at church. but its interesting what goes through your mind. however I also know its not the hairstyle that I feel the most attractive in. its pretty complicated.</p>
<p>*I don’t think it’s fair or accurate to generalize such things based on sexual identity *</p>
<p>Oh I completely agree!!!</p>
<p>Certainly heterosexuals are often unfaithful (hey, there’s a thread about that in Parent Cafe that’s quite interesting!). </p>
<p>I was just clueless about the bi-sexual thing. I’m sure there are many people who are bi-sexual, but just choose one route (commitment in a hetero relationship or commitment in a gay relationship). </p>
<p>I was just (awkwardly) wondering if it might be asking too much for someone with attractions to both sexes to essentially “give up” their attraction to one sex (or the other) in order to have a committed relationship. Would they feel like they were being asked to do something that others aren’t expected to do? In that regards, it’s a bit different than just telling a man to accept having sex with one woman, rather than several. </p>
<p>I know when Jim McGreevey was asked if he really had loved his two ex-wives, he said yes. Since he had children with them, he obviously was able to sexually perform with them. So, would he be bi-sexual or not? He says he’s gay which implies (to me) that he’s not bi-sexual. (Although I don’t really know how a truly only gay male can have sex with a woman. I would think there would have to be some bi-sexual tendencies (but, what do I know???)</p>
<p>I can understand that a lesbian woman could quite easily have sex with a man, but I don’t understand how a gay man (without bi-sexual attractions) can have sex with a woman (unless, maybe, he’s imagining that it’s a man???. Is that a dumb question? This isn’t a question I can ever really ask in real life. )</p>
<p>^haha, the parents on CC are great!</p>
<p>It’s funny you mention the bisexual thing mom2collegekids. People within the gay community (including bisexual people themselves) often struggle with that aspect of bisexuality. Bisexual people get a bad rep with many gay people/lesbians because SOME say that they can never be expected to stay faithful to just “one” sex. Clearly a lot of people have a problem with that. Other bisexual people have no problem being in committed relationships, but unfortunately sometimes face stigma because of that unfaithful perception propogated - often unfortunately by other bisexuals. I’m honestly not sure if the the 1st attitude is “legitimate”, or if it’s just a convenient way to escape monogamy, to the ire of many non-monogamous heterosexual people with no such convenient out haha. Since many bisexual people have no problem with commitment, I tend to lean towards the latter.</p>
<p>Also, it’s been scientifically proven that women at least are aroused by ALL kinds of porn - gay, straight, lesbian, etc - no matter HOW they identify. Who you wish to be in relationships with/have a greater emotional attraction to, who you PREFER to have sex with, who you are MOST attracted to, etc. all play into sexual orientation/identity, so it’s quite possible one can get an erection with a woman but still prefer men physically and also for all other purposes.</p>
<p>* gayest city in the US is actually Atlanta…*
They are not as gay as Cleveland.</p>
<p>[2014</a> Gay Games - live streaming video powered by Livestream](<a href=“http://www.livestream.com/2014GayGames]2014”>http://www.livestream.com/2014GayGames)</p>
<p>umcp</p>
<p>Thanks for the insight. :)</p>
<p>Since many bisexual people have no problem with commitment, I tend to lean towards the latter.</p>
<p>Would you say that more bisexuals choose same-sex commitments or not? Would it be difficult to know this data since some who choose hetero commitments might not be known to be bi-sexual? </p>
<p>Hey, you just can’t ask this stuff in person. :)</p>