<p>All right, I hesitate to generalize–that may be the case for some bisexual individuals, but it’s not been my experience (I am bi), or the experience of my bi friends.</p>
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<p>I think umcp covered part of this, but I would also add that sexuality is a sliding scale, and so there’s going to be ambiguity in what different terms mean. Whether you identify as gay or bi, for example, is to some degree a matter of personal choice: a man who exhibits occasional mild attraction to women may still call himself gay because he doesn’t consider that attraction to be…statistically significant, shall we say.</p>
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<p>I’ve actually heard speculation that bi people of both sexes tend to settle down with women, if at all. It holds true for my circle of acquaintances, but there’s also a signficant gender imbalance among my circle of acquaintances, so.</p>
<p>The “out” bi’s that I know are just about evenly split in their committed relationships. Most of the bi’s that have shared their stories with me have had a variety of relationships throughout their lives - some same sex, some opposite, generally serially monogamy. I have one bi friend who is in a committed relationship with a M2F trans. don’t know how one would classify that, and I think that’s the point. That’s what makes them bi - to bi’s, gender is not a deciding factor in sexual attraction.</p>
<p>I find all porn to be a turn off. Let’s take it easy on the generalizations. </p>
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<p>Let’s play fill in the blank here.</p>
<p>I could not see her family accepting a child of color. and she is a lovely woman.
I could not see her family accepting a disabled child. and she is a lovely woman.
I could not see her family accepting a Jewish child. and she is a lovely woman.</p>
<p>It really doesn’t hurt when people say outrageous things. It does hurt when bigotry is softened with statements such as “but they are a lovely family.” </p>
<p>It’s not lovely to reject ones child. In fact, it is rather unlovely. I don’t care how nice someone is in every other aspect of their life.</p>
<p>“All right, I hesitate to generalize–that may be the case for some bisexual individuals, but it’s not been my experience (I am bi), or the experience of my bi friends.”</p>
<p>It’s definitely good to hear that, because you don’t know how many times I have heard the blatant stereotype that “bisexual people can’t be faithful,” straight from a bisexual person’s mouth. It’s too bad that SOME bisexual people blame their unfaithfulness on their sexuality, giving other bisexual people a bad rep, when it seems pretty obvious to me that the non-monogamous type is simply the non-monogamous type, orientation notwithstanding.</p>
<p>“I find all porn to be a turn off. Let’s take it easy on the generalizations.”</p>
<p>As do many people…this was a scientific study - not a generalization - that obviously controlled for that group. Also, I’m not really sure they just showed porn in the way you’re thinking of it, or if they showed some more tasteful sexual images as well ;). Though, full-disclosure, the study ultimately concluded that bisexuality in men doesn’t exist and a lot of other bullcrap, though I think it still highlights the fact that sexual orientation isn’t ALWAYS cut and dry, I am gay because I can’t get it up with a woman, end, or a I am a straight women because I am totally repulsed sexually by other women, etc. While some people are like that, for others preferance/emotional attraction/other factors come into play.</p>
<p>If someone chooses monogamy, then they give up acting on their attraction to other people. If it’s “too much” for someone (gay, straight or bi), then they don’t have to be monogamous. </p>
<p>Someone earlier wrote about a friend who felt they had to have an entirely different conversation about sex with their child who had come out. I didn’t feel that at all. We’ve talked about sexuality in terms of personal ethics, safety and so on since our kid was little. Our values remain the same and our expectations (hopes, really) for our son remain the same. </p>
<p>Respect for oneself and others has nothing to do with gender. Nor do vows or promises. Too often homosexuality is confused with hyper-sexuality or lower moral standards. People can be as ethical or unethical as they want to be, no matter their sexuality.</p>
<p>As a Bisexual male I have to say… Its not Easy… I often Get told “Your confused” And I’m not… I know what I like and what I want … when I see it I go after it… I’m not confused It’s so funny how being Bisexual is like a totally different thing ( Socially) than being gay… </p>
<p>Because Lets see straight people often Target gays and talk about them or strip them from their rights or how ever the cookie crumbles… The Gays within the LGBT community does exactly what the hetro’s do to the gays to the Bisexual people. … how can you stop Slurs and other offensive behavior if in a way you are doing it to people within you own community? … So yeah Bisexuals have a BAD REP. We got to take crap from straights we have to take crap from gays.</p>
<p>Now I’m not making complaints or ranting… I’m just saying … Countless times I say " I’m Bisexual" and people would say “Oh your gay… Just Say it” … or " He’s confused" . lol To be Bisexual you got to live life on the edge because you whole life is spontaneous… because You don’t know who you’ll end up with. so that = TOO much fun Exploring and stuff… and I suppose that how we got the bad rep of Not being faithful. </p>
<p>I for one would NEVER tell my parents… Because well… I’m a hybrid breed with parents coming from 2 different places that is really Against that type of Ball game … I 've struggled ever since I knew weather be in school, Family functions, Kids on the block, Programs. I never felt the need to tell my parents about my Orientation either… I never got why so Many people Feel the need to tell everyone on Plant earth their business… </p>
<p>If I was asked by any one Except Family… I Tell and I don’t get asked much… It’s usually a shock… Till this day my best friend doesn’t think I really like boys… and She’s been their for all my relationships an we grew up together. </p>
<p>As for the giving up attraction thing lol… You can’t “Give up” what you attracted to… lol I mean just because You go out with one person doesn’t mean the rest of the worlds people gets all of a sudden “Ugly” … lol I’ve never been Unfaithful with any of my relationships… Lies… Once… but that was when I was Completely Straight… well didn’t date guys… and I seen how much it hurt her and From that day I have never did it again… and plus I wasn’t even unfaithful… I just gave two different girls the same title and they found out… I never even touched one of them not a kiss nothing not even a hug… but thats how it goes when your young… </p>
<p>lol I just wanted to talk and add my Input =]</p>
<p>As for the giving up attraction thing lol… You can’t “Give up” what you attracted to…</p>
<p>I understand what you’re saying. I think what people mean is that just like anyone in a committed relationship has to “give up” going after others that they are attracted to, so would a bi-sexual in a committed relationship.</p>
<p>Everyday, people in committed relationships are in contact with others who they find very attractive (hot), but they have to “look, but don’t touch.” LOL</p>
<p>I hope you guys are right! Manhattan definitely is a refuge for gay people, that much I know. Cleveland! Wow. Yes, the world is a-changing. </p>
<p>p.s - Don’t know anything much about bisexuality. All I know is, where I grew up (not in the US) in the 1970s, the world was a very intolerant place. So I’m glad I came to roost here!</p>
<p>As a mom the thought that my kids life could be harder because of their sexual orientation would make hearing the news very painful. I could never imagine some of my idiotic family members making some stupid joke or comment because I know I would want to react in some less than civilized way. My kids have always known gay or straight that they are deeply loved and we are always their family. It is the rest of the world I would have a problem with.</p>
<p>Think of it this way . . . If your son is attracted to blonds and also to brunettes, would you say he must be in a relationship with a blond AND a brunette to be happy? Being bisexual is like that. It doesn’t translate into “sleeps around,” “promiscuous,” or “has to have lovers of both genders.” It just gives you a bigger dating pool to fish from. ;)</p>
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<p>I remember when that study came out! Even if their brains were saying “I’m not attracted to this”, their subtle physiological responses (measured . . . you know . . . down there) were saying “oh yeeeeah!” It didn’t surprise me too much, though . . . Straight women are the main writers of homoerotic fiction.</p>
<p>I’m happy that my initial response was to hug my son, ask him if he was happy, and told him that it was OK and that I loved him very, very much. Thats what he’ll remember. </p>
<p>However, I feel as though my world is crumbling. I am so afraid for him. He is still the person I raised, kind, compassionate, generous, funny, patient, friendly, intelligent. I wanted his life to be easy, and for all of his dreams to be realized. But with this new reality, all of that becomes difficult, if not impossible. The thought that he will be harrassed, hurt, excluded is heartbreaking to me. </p>
<p>I’ve been coming to this website for five years(less lately), since my son was a high school senior. He’s now in grad school. The fact that I chose to visit today and see this thread, leads me to believe that someone here has some guidance for me.</p>
<p>“It happened to me” too- about a year ago.
My son is much happier, overall, now that his identity is more public.
Even if the world is more difficult, happiness so much about your
“little life” not your “big life”- see that CC thread…</p>
<p>Alwaysinterested - what a good mom you are! You conveyed your love and support and kept your doubts and disappointment to yourself. I think you have to remember that your son has had awhile to think about who he is - for you, this is new. We all have dreams for our children and when their lives unfold differently than we imagined, I think we are entitled to take some time privately to adjust.</p>
<p>Alwaysinterested, I wish I could give you a big hug in person. Please feel free to PM me if you want too. </p>
<p>It is hard to deal with the reality that your child is now a possible target. I try to remind myself that this is what it is like to be the parent of a daughter, a child of color and so on. Yet there is a difference that is impossible to come to terms with, at least for me.</p>
<p>No one is going to the polling place with the express purpose of denying women the right to marry. It is not legal to fire a person because of their skin color. Their parents are not having to count on the whims of their neighbors to secure their children their full rights under the constitution. </p>
<p>It is incredibly painful to witness these things. I cannot excuse them. When I know someone has voted against my child’s rights, they are never the same to me. I know that history will judge them harshly but I just can find no mercy. To hear the excuses when a gay or lesbian person is attacked is equally painful. </p>
<p>I want you to know that in no way am I minimizing that pain. Having said that, we have friends and family who are gay/lesbian and they lead wonderful lives. Some are married, some have children, all are successful in their chosen life path. My son feels he needs to leave Texas for that to happen for him and he is moving to state where his civil rights are recognized but I know people right here in south Texas who are out and living good lives.</p>
<p>What has always been possible for our beloved children is still possible. We can say, “no” to anyone who fights to keep the status quo and we can make a better world for them, really, for all of us.</p>
<p>Alwaysinterested, as you take the time to adjust, just keep remembering that the only thing that has changed for your son is that he has trusted you with his awareness, his secret.</p>