<p>mom2collegekids - I would consider your example a definite outlier in the domain of some rock stars and pro athletes. As much as an outlier as staying a virgin until 40 would be. Both are on the extremes. </p>
<p>My guess based on what I’ve gleaned from conversations and reading is that for college students its more common for the first year or two of college and many do seem to settle down somewhat. I don’t think “experimenting” in your early adulthood leads to sexual addiction or makes one less likely to be faithful once in a committed relationship. In fact, I could argue the opposite. There could be a “been there, done that” mentality. The thinking that you’ve had sex with many people and this person that you are now with compares favorably both sexually and in other ways to any other person you’ve met. One could argue that someone with no or little sexual experience can be wondering what they might have missed out on and have mid-life crisis.</p>
<p>It may or may not be an outlier. The thing is, if casual one-night stand hook-ups become a acceptable as - say - kissing someone, then there could be a whole bunch of singles who have had 100+ sexual partners by the time they “settle down”…simply because people are settling down at an older age so that means many years of opportunities. </p>
<p>When my H was a young single professional, he shared a home with a guy who really was the king of casual hook ups. There were weekends where he’d have sex with 3+ different women. Seriously! I witnessed a few of these weekends and was blown away! He’d go clubbing and bring someone home for a hook up.</p>
<p>This guy appeared normal in every other way…good job (an engineer! Aren’t they supposed to be the stable ones?? lol), well educated, came from a good home, etc. We never got to find out if he would have been able to be monogamous because he died in a tragic accident.</p>
<p>My upthread example may be extreme, but even cut the numbers in half or in quarters…the numbers are still shocking. Those who’ve posted about their own multiple sexual relationships probably aren’t approaching those kinds of numbers. The people posting here are probably talking about 10-20 partners at most…not 50-100-250+.</p>
<p>I know a few rock stars & except for extreme examples, I would doubt that even the most randy of them have multiple sexual partners for years on end.</p>
<p>Those that do undoubtably have other character flaws that would make them unsuitable as partners even if they kept their pants zipped.</p>
<p>Some people might go through promiscuous phases, but it seems to be more a stage of development rather than a lifestyle.</p>
<p>Beachlover, perhaps part of the reason you’re lacking in the relationship department is because you have such a negative attitude about things. Maybe you should look at your personality and your attitude to see if that is subconsciously driving potential partners away</p>
<p>You can’t have it both ways then, beachlover. You can’t whine about not having a relationship or how nobody will hook up with you if you, in turn, won’t hook up with them. It is a two way street</p>
<p>^^^ was that a made up example, or the substance of your usual prospects?
I think having friends is more important than having sexual partners, or it would be for me.
Make good friends and your circle of acquaintances will grow.</p>
<p>But, of course, there have to be more options than a 20 year old with a rap sheet and 3 kids. If you were my daughter, I’d say spending less time online might help as well. Make yourself an interesting, positive, & confident person to know and the rest will follow.
Sorry if that’s harsh but you won’t find a significant other spending your time on CC.</p>
<p>You’re going to write off every male because of a geographic location? </p>
<p>That seems pretty harsh. But maybe it’s for the best…</p>
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<p>Oddly enough, there was a couple that met on CC (HSL) that dated long distance for a while and then ended up at the same college and dated for quite some time. Not sure if they’re still together. They’d be seniors now… I’ll have to see if I can remember who it was. It’s been like 6 years now.</p>
<p>Beachlover15,
You do not have to sleep with anyone in order to have a boyfriend. My husband and I dated for 6 years and waited until we were married to ‘start the fun’. Two of my children are married and they also did the same. So nope, sex is not a ‘requirement’ for dating/having a serious relationship. It can wait for marriage if that is what you want. </p>
<p>Seems to me that you simply have not yet met the right one and plenty don’t meet the right one until later in life. In the meanwhile, get out and do interesting things. My kids met their future spouses while they were out experiencing life. Go join some clubs, go to socials, dance halls, volunteer in the community… Life has so much to offer.</p>
<p>*
If I had a 20-something D who had had a rather normal dating/sexual history (several boyfriend relationships that lasted weeks/months/etc), and she began to get serious with some guy who had been the “hook up king” throughout his single life…I would be concerned. It may be none of my business, but I would be concerned.</p>
<p>Marian’s response:
I have a daughter that age. It never occurred to me to ask whether any of the guys she has dated were former “hook up kings.”</p>
<p>She wouldn’t tell me anyway. It’s none of my business.*</p>
<p>I, too, said that it’s none of my business. However, what if your D came to you and asked your opinion? There are parent/child relationships where an adult child might seek such advice/counsel from a seemingly wiser parent. </p>
<p>To me, it’s like divorce. Most of us don’t blink an eye when someone has been divorced 1-2 times. However, many of us might pause and wonder about someone who’s been divorced 4-5+ times. (Oh and I have a super sweet friend who’s been divorced 4 times! Each time the guy did something bizarre…including child porn, stealing, and chronic philanderer…so I know that there are exceptions)</p>
<p>I don’t think many of us think twice about someone who’s had several intimate relationships with SOs. When the numbers get huge, I think many of us find that odd.</p>
<p>Yes, her “fault” may be that’s she’s too trusting. She’s now remarried, but only after her parents “looked the guy over” (so to speak) and gave their “seal of approval”. lol Even though she’s in her 50s, she resorted to have her parents have the final say.</p>
<p>Id also hope that a woman in her 50’s is comfortable with herself and not so panicky about being “alone” that she makes decisions that aren’t right for her- but obviously that isnt the case at 50 anymore than it is at 30.</p>
Make yourself an interesting, positive, & confident person to know and the rest will follow.