THIS! My D is getting married in a few months and I am dreading, dreading all the non-stop social interactions. Being “on” for hours and hours that day is sucking my enthusiasm for the wedding. I know I have to turn it around for my D’s sake. I’m trying.
My son really struggles with social interactions. He attributes his difficulty to his schizophrenia, but I told him some of it is probably due to genes from his mother!
I think what’s hard for me is figuring a way to jump into a conversation when there’s more than one extrovert jabbering away. It makes it hard for me to get a word in edgewise without feeling rude.
“Jabbering away”? Really? I know that you are speaking lightly, but consider whether you would like to be described that way.
As I said above, I think that mindfulness and active listening on the part of all concerned is essential.
Being an introvert, married to another introvert, with an extrovert son has been fascinating for me. I am in AWE of my son’s ability to make friends. He has (literally) a world-wide network of people who know him and like him. When he was in high school (he’s now 30), he had friends who were seniors and juniors when he was in 9th grade. When he went to college, he made friends with faculty members and organized large groups to complete creative projects. All that said, it’s been revelatory to me as an introvert to watch. I’ve learned a lot about talking with people. Yes, I have my standard topics (“how did you meet?” “what’s your favorite way to waste time?” “read any good books lately?” “TV shows?”) but I’ve also learned that it’s okay, for a lot of people, if you talk with enthusiasm about your own sources of pleasure…
To an introvert, it sounds like jabbering quite often.
In my previous job, managers were sent to training, including a session on how to manage introverts and extroverts. It was the most helpful training I ever received.
The room was divided into the two groups, and each set answered questions, such as how do you perceive the other group and how do you think you are perceived. The answers were hilarious (we were all pretty comfortable with each other by that point!). The introverts said that when the extroverts were on a roll, they think things like “Is he ever going to shut up?” And the extroverts, who were trying to get the introverts to engage, were thinking things like “Hellloooooo? Is anybody in there?” It was so funny and eye-opening.
Clearly, one group isn’t better than the other. The point was greater understanding and to think about how YOU are coming across to others.
“Extroverts on a roll” - that’s it! You’re right, YDS, I could use some sensitivity training.
Of course, my DH is an extrovert. I’ve told him that sometimes he talks too much. So he asked me to kick him under the table if he ever does that. The last time I did, he announced, “Well, MLH is kicking me under the table, so I guess I should shut up!” Gee, thanks, honey…
Being a talkative extrovert, I can see that people would wonder if I’d ever shut up. lol When working with an introvert I really do try now to rein it in.
I don’t think that the introverts, however, ever considered that they come across as bumps on a log! The extroverts perceived themselves as witty and charming; the introverts perceived themselves as thoughtful and deep. 
They’re afraid you’re judging them or just don’t like them. To dispel this idea, just smile and tell them you you’ve always been a quiet person, but don’t mean any harm by it. If you get them to laugh, you’re good!
This is the main reason I disliked high school so much. I was not only quiet but shy. When people said “you’re so quiet” to me I immediately turned bright red which made it all the more devastating.
I never came up with a good response. I always used something about liking to listen but I never felt that I did it well.
I have actively worked on this all my adult years and am better at it. Still quiet and a bit shy, but not to the point of people noting it anymore.
I found out shortly after HS graduation that I hadn’t been asked to the prom because the guys all assumed I was dating a college man since I never spoke to any of them! It was actually my natural shyness, combined with horrible buck teeth for which I only got braces after 10th grade, that kept me so quiet. I deliberately opted to attend a brand new law school, in part because I thought that it would be easier to remake my personality without upper year students around to stifle the newbies. It didn’t help but, ironically, I did meet my H, who is so extroverted his photo appears in the dictionary under the word, in the library there. I really think one of the things that drew him to me was that I could listen to him for hours on end.
I have had a successful career but I very early took myself off the managerial track because I didn’t want to have to interview people or give speeches. Last week, I declined the opportunity to be profiled in the company newsletter because I didn’t want to sit down with an in-house journalist and talk about myself. OTOH, after all this time, I have become able to engage in small talk and have progressed to the point where most people don’t think that I am shy, but I am. I hate parties and was the kid who brought a book to read at them in HS.
@austinmshauri post #31
I have a similar response: Really? No one has ever mentioned that before!! I’m no spring chicken so it is an effective response.
I think the whole, “You’re are so quiet.” thing is mean spirited. It boils down to you are different than the rest of us.
^I agree. I certainly have never said out loud, “You jabber a lot…” even though I think it!
Maybe it is an engineer thing. States the facts and move on.
I’m fairly introverted - it takes me a while to become comfortable enough to initiate conversation. When I was in school, it seemed like I was always the winner of the “Quiet Award”, which I thought was a copout in that the teacher or camp counselor or whoever didn’t bother to get to know me.
Pick up “How to Talk to Anyone–92 Tips” by Leil Lowndes. Old book but super. Learning the art of small talk is a skill.
I love this book. Especially great for introverts. You don’t need 92 tips but just picking two or three to practice will help and will save you in many social situations so you aren’t the “bump on the log” so people look at you funny (and you know what I mean or you wouldn’t have written the post 
).
Yes, it’s hard to pull teeth–conversations are meant to be two-way and even though I suspect you are naturally a nice person, it won’t hurt you to at least try to respond to friendly conversation. The book helps not only as conversation starters but how to respond. People love to talk about themselves–once you get them going they won’t even notice you haven’t said anything! They’ll just think you’re wonderful.
“As an introvert, I don’t care for responses that make it seem like we have a problem. I don’t “need time to warm up,” I speak when I have something to add to the conversation” (post 31?)
So add to the conversation whether you have something profound to say or not. Learn to do it. Especially in the workplace. (yeah, sure, I hate/love that…all works. It’s not hard.)
Granted, there are some people who just keep going beyond reason…they won’t even notice if you don’t open your mouth. Gives them more time to hear themselves.
Most though are being friendly…you need to respond. It’s that “first impression” thing. Don’t care–someone who doesn’t make at least some (no matter how small) effort at a friendly overture can be left for either “unfriendly or brain dead”.
“You’re so quiet…” doesn’t mean someone is unfriendly–it is just an observation sometimes (especially at parties) and an invitation to talk and say something about yourself. (Think of the question as “we’d like to include you.”)
That answer can be “I’m just trying to take it all in and get to know people! How long have you worked/lived here?” (Turn it back on them–you may learn something!)
" So sorry…I’ve been running around all day moving–just wore me out! Ever felt that way?" "
“I have 10 kids…you’re spoiling my nap…” (Nuf said). Got any kids?
“I’m not big into expressing my opinions on politics (or am learning about “whatever”) but I like to hear what others have to say.”
^I don’t need lessons. Thanks. I said above and I’ll say it again–it’s not an ability issue, it’s a temperament.
. I hesitate to speak for others, but I am not perceiving myself as anything but uncomfortable and can I go home and read a book now?
Yeah, I’m not deep at all. I’m a very concrete thinker.
Let me just add that I am a college professor–I stand in front of a class and talk and converse and interact and am actually extremely popular with my students, so it’s not lack of ability to communicate, and it’s not “shyness” though I have that sometimes and was pathologically shy when I was a child.
But social interaction is exhausting. Whether or not I can do it or like it (I often do)–it is exhausting. I don’t know how to explain that if you don’t feel it yourself.